Jokes and memes thread

[Prisce]

22 minutes ago, Albiscuit said:

 

Parliament   

Politicians. 

[Albiscuit]

23 minutes ago, Prisce said:

Politicians. 

 

This country has me seriously considering leaving for Canada or New Zealand and not coming back lately!

[Prisce]

1 minute ago, Albiscuit said:

 

This country has me seriously considering leaving for Canada or New Zealand and not coming back lately!

My Airsoft Buddy is doing exactly that.  He thinks it’ll only get worse, and I am beginning to agree with him.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Albiscuit said:

 

Parliament   

 

And there I was  thinking I’d ended the thread, and I was Trumped 😂😂

[Jedi_Master]

To be Trumped...

 

[Nicky blue eyes]

A guy joins the french foreign legion, gets promoted to captain and sent to a remote fort in the desert.

On his first day he's inspecting the fort and sees a mankey, disgusting old camel sitting in the corner.

 He shouts out " sargent. What is this horrible creature doing here?" The sargent says " Well mon capitaine, the nearest town is 4 miles away and the men  start missing women....if you know what I mean. So then they use the camel....." 

The captain stops him and says" thats disgusting! I will never use the camel like that!

3 months on and the captain is desperate for a screw. He shouts out "sargent bring that camel in here"  so he dose. With that the captain drops his trousers and buggers the shit out out of the poor animal. When he's finished he calls for the sargent to take it away. He says " so sargent do the other men use the camel like that often?"

The sargent replys "No, mon capitaine they ride it to town and use the brothel!"

[Druid799]

[Druid799]

[Nicky blue eyes]

A sloth gets mugged by 3 tortoises. 

The police ask him " what happened"?

The sloth says "I don't know. It all happened so quickly!"

[YorkieT17]

One of my mates is a dwarf, he’s a bit shy with women and a virgin. For his 25th Birthday his twin brother decided they’d go to Amsterdam. After a few drinks they decided it was time for Dave to finally get his end away so headed for a brothel.

 

Dave found a lovely blonde girl, paid the fee and headed to the room. His brother did the same except picked a lovely red head. Dave and the girl sat on the bed but unfortunately he suffered a bit of stage fright and spent the whole time trying to get his limp dick to work. The whole time all he could hear was his brother in the next room grunting loudly and the occasional shout of “1, 2, 3”.

 

After his failure Dave and his brother met up for a ‘celebratory’ beer to trade war stories. Dave came clean and admitted that he had been unable to get an erection. 

 

“You sounded like you were enjoying yourself though, you seemed to go on forever” said Dave.

 

”Fuck off, you had a better night than me.” Said his brother. “I couldn’t even get on the fucking bed.”

[Druid799]

[DopeYourScope]

Knock knock

Who’s there

Ze Gestapo

Gestapo who?

VE VILL BE ASKING ZE QUESTIONS

[Druid799]

Gota get one for my m24 !🤣🤣🤣

[Jedi_Master]

Momentum to rethink their PR strategy following election defeat
 

[Albiscuit]

On 29/03/2019 at 21:52, Prisce said:

My Airsoft Buddy is doing exactly that.  He thinks it’ll only get worse, and I am beginning to agree with him.

Can’t get much worse than trump and Johnson running the “free world” 

 

im starting to think New Zealand is not far enough away

[Jedi_Master]

[Jedi_Master]

[Jedi_Master]

Truth hurts

[John_W]

Chuck Norris has been in contact with Corona Virus.

The Virus has been put in to quarantine for 14 days and is expected to make a full recovery.

[Jedi_Master]

Different times, different response

[Jedi_Master]

Positive attitude:
 

[Nick G]

[Ad_]

Found these while going through some old backups from years ago.

 

 

 

 

[FUBAR]

[Sitting Duck]

I'm not gonna let this mandatory mask crap ruin my summer...