With exams nearly over and that sh*tty higher maths exam farce over and done with, I was contemplating as to why anyone would upgrade to have their gun fire at an impressive 30+ rps instead of being the measly, filthy 12 rps or so peasants.
I mean, wouldn't you love to have a 30 rps sex machine? Here are some reasons why it's gr8:
The pleasures of having 30 rps:
Some branches in the way? No worries! Just mow them all down along with your enemy.
Cheaters? We all hate cheaters. Not admitting a few light shots? Rain those rounds down that fuker's face, beat him down with your stock, then take his lunch money, liberate his ammo reserves and plant those BB seeds that will make BB trees! Then make him starve for at least a week, or maybe 2, or 3.... or maybe 4.
Need someone to sh*t their pants? Just sneek up behind someone and unleash that sex machine right next to their ears when they least expect it and they'll be running back home like a marathon runner who trusted a fart. Those BB trees won't grow themselves you know, a good portion of human waste nutrients will make them grow extra fast.
Frequent reloads = more opportunies to practise those COD mag flicks you've been practising for years; impressing those 12 year old squeekers who claim they've fuked your mom will never be the same again.
Pesky enemy behind cover? Make sure he'll never get back up again by giving him a taste of your sex machine. He'll be spending the rest of the day head down eating BB plants.
Fuker trying belittle you? Don't worry - Rain those spherical goodies down his family jewels.
Enemy accidentally didn't feel his shot? Mow that fuker down till he gets down on all fours and strip him of his dignity, those BB trees might grow a little faster with some sexy provoking.
The hinders of having 30 rps:
You'll be spending more money on those little balls than you ever have in your life, but with that lunch money you've snatched, it shouldn't pose a problem. Once every few months though, those BB trees will ripen and perfect 6mm goodies will come out from the pods you pick! On average 300 rounds per pod and around 12 pods per tree, better stock up fast!
You'll have to maintain your sex machine more frequently so that other people can feel maximum pleasure everytime, but it'll all be worth it in the end.
Badabum I'm bored.