Sounds like you are drinking that west coast muck and you have my sympathy, move a little higher into the hills and you’ll find the good stuff along the Spey. We sell it to anyone in the supermarket, especially those in need of enlightenment.
I’d be more than happy to give you a 2 year handicap and put a bottle of 18yo Macallan against your Bushmills. I dare say I’d be happy to play for a draw in those circumstances 😊
And no, you didn’t, at least not that anyone can prove either way.