Airsoft, finances and mental health.

[Wavey_Gravey]

Chasing that new toy? Need a new plate carrier for an “impression”, want to be adorned in the latest forward observations group drip?

 

It happens to us all, we get lost down the rabbit hole, looking for that perfect load out, that ultimate “thing” that will make us the envy of Instagram / insert site name here…it costs time, it costs money…it can cost a lot more.
 

If you’re struggling, talk to somebody…today I nearly lost a friend who is thousands upon thousands of pounds in debt, all from trying to impress everybody else. 
 

Is everybody doing ok? Vent here if you need, just remember it’s a game, don’t sink yourself financially trying to keep up, I’m guilty of it and I imagine there are quite a few others here too.

 

 

[Dan Robinson]

Hope your friend pulls through his situation dude.  Financial awareness is something that is severely lacking from our education system, coupled with susceptibility to peer pressure and you have a very dangerous concoction.

 

Thankfully for us we have reached peaked space constraints now, so no more pews after this evenings' acquisition.  Now I just wish my customers would collectively pay the tens of thousands I'm owed so I can pay everyone else LOL.  This game is a good release for both me and the boy from the day to day grind, and I hope it remains thus for everyone else.  As you say, it's only a game, do no more than you need to have fun playing it; and balls to everyone else who try to make it otherwise.

[Dentonboy]

Definitely agree.

 

I have deleted Instagram several times due to the 'let's impress someone' mindset it gives you.

 

I now just use it sparingly.

[Krisz]

Social media is cancer. People try to outdo each other when in reality "everyone" has the same grey and boring life.

Airsoft is quite unique regarding spending money because it's not difficult to see how deep that rabbit hole goes. It's crazy how easy to get addicted to get more guns when you don't need them actually but you can always find an excuse for yourself. ?

Edited February 22, 2023 by Krisz

[Jaylordofwaargh]

7 hours ago, Dan Robinson said:

As you say, it's only a game, do no more than you need to have fun playing it; and balls to everyone else who try to make it otherwise

 

*Insert Chris Hemsworth "this" gif*

 

8 hours ago, Wavey_Gravey said:

that ultimate “thing”

I have decided that with my new/replacement plastic slinger, I can justify a telescopic sight....the gun cost more so I can spend more on attachments, as you say, the rabbit whole goes deep. Got it down to a choice of two .... and then I got an actual tap measure next to said gun ..  ?

 

On the social media side of things, I post here more than I do FB but on the plus side I saw a post similar to this, a mental health check in and was reminded to get my pills. So thank you for the check in. 

 

Still buying the scope though....

[Rogerborg]

I always remember what my dad told me "If it has tits, wheels, or a hop unit, you can't afford it, son."

Yes, dopamine farming on social media is addictive as hell, and deliberately so.  Billions have been spent to make it that way.

 

All the best to your mate, I hope he digs himself out of that hole.  Eyepro, boots and one gun is all you need to keep to have a great day.

[Emergencychimps]

If you're in debt, help is out there and it can get better. 

 

I was around £16k in credit card debt, had some ccjs and was very lucky to have some support from family and a debt management company/charity and managed to get out of that hole, even with help it wasn't easy but the journey of being out of debt made my day to day life better than when I was burying my head in the sand/being in a destructive mindset(more disposable income and better quality of life). Saw some dark days etc.

 

Now I'm debt free, bought a house and just recently got my credit score back to perfect. But my point is there is help out there, for everyone, if you're in a dark place it can get better, there are people and charities that can help, just reach out. There's hope. 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Social media and tabloids can seriously damage your mental health.  

 

Hope your pal is OK.  

[Wavey_Gravey]

Thanks for the kind words, fortunately nothing came of an attempt on his own life as he was “talked down” from the situation.

 

It’s not a nice space to be, with a family and prior to this a seemingly happy existence to rock bottom. We’ll be supporting him as much as we can…I’m already talking his wife through some debt management systems etc.

 

Social media can be such a useful tool but also so detrimental and I think as humans were not ready for this and I can only see it getting worse.

 

Lesson learnt, check on your friends and loved ones no matter how trivial it could be, people need each other.

 

 

[Tommikka]

12 hours ago, Dan Robinson said:

  Financial awareness is something that is severely lacking from our education system, coupled with susceptibility to peer pressure and you have a very dangerous concoction.

It’s not only ‘education’ on financial awareness but situations can change, eg credit is perfectly fine at a manageable level until the pay packet is taken away or even with no credit commitments an emergency can break finances

 

 

When the spiral occurs for whatever reason then it’s very easy to rapidly decline a mental state.  Even with spiraling debt their can be a rush from spending on a nice shiney thing which you know is better spent on digging out a tiny step forward 

 

 

 

I’m comfortably off, am debt free other than a credit card which is the months diesel bill and sometimes hotel stays which gets cleared every pay day, and I’m usually ending up with more money left over than the previous month

 

 

But there have been times that this hasn’t been the case

 

I’ve had dark times which haven’t gone anywhere - it’s good to talk

You need close friends that you can tell anything, but sometimes it’s a stranger that you turn to

I’ve lost friends that could still be here today if only the right time happened, and I still have friends around that might not have come through to the other side 

[Speedbird_666]

5 hours ago, Emergencychimps said:

But my point is there is help out there, for everyone, if you're in a dark place it can get better, there are people and charities that can help, just reach out. There's hope. 

 

This.

 

7 Years ago - when I finally realised that I was in real trouble - I was £23k in debt with Credit Cards. Luckily I was (just about) paying the minimum payment on time (so no late payments or defaults), but those minimum payments were skyrocketing, interest free offers were ending, and I was struggling. 

 

Thing is - my Wife had no idea I was in debt.

 

It was when she found out that I had to confront the issue and acknowledge what an idiot I had been - all to buy the shiny newest thing and get the dopamine hit of receiving parcels in the post.  I was deeply unhappy with my job which compounded the issue as I would sit at work browsing for stuff to buy rather than...y'know...working.

 

It was all the more galling that I had literally nothing to show for it - I would buy stuff then sell it before I even used it (that includes Paintball and Airsoft gear). The proceeds of the sales would just get frittered away on more random and pointless crap - and never to tackle the Credit Card debt that was steadily accruing. 

 

I was very lucky. My Wife didn't divorce me (but it was close) - I don't know where I would be today if she had. I was able to change jobs and dramatically increase my income. Every spare penny went into repaying the debt - and it took 5 years - but for the last 2 years I have not owed a penny to anyone and I am determined to keep it that way. 

 

It can be done - I would also suggest taking a look at the 'Debt Free Wannabe' section of the Money Saving Expert forums, it helped us to identify the best course of action for the circumstances I landed myself (and family) in. 

[TheFull9]

Probably the best thread title/premise I've seen on here.  Great idea.

 

I think I was lucky in a respect, when I went through my trade training (age 19/20) it was like a more compact stint at uni except we got paid and had to march for it.  I'd watch most of the other lads on my course manage to vanish their pay packet within a week every single month, for 15 months.  They'd *constantly* complain about being skint the 2nd half of the month and be even worse when their cars were due MOT or insurance.  I figured I'd better not be like them.

 

Appreciate the folks who've been so open and honest so far, really good to see.  I hope this discussion continues.

[Cannonfodder]

Not sure what more I can add that hasn't already been posted, but there's some great advice here

 

As someone who has struggled with debt and mental health issues I fully understand how appealing that new gun feeling can be, only for it to go very quickly and be replaced by the shitty feeling that you're still in the same position but more skint.

 

When it comes to social media I find it's good to remember that what you're seeing is an extremely edited version of what's going on in people's lives and occasionally taking a break from it for a few weeks can do your mental health a world of good, especially the airsoft groups on facebook. All the whinning manbabies on there really make me dispair for the future of the hobby so I left almost all of them

[Emergencychimps]

On 22/02/2023 at 16:21, Speedbird_666 said:

 

I was very lucky. My Wife didn't divorce me (but it was close) - I don't know where I would be today if she had. I was able to change jobs and dramatically increase my income. Every spare penny went into repaying the debt - and it took 5 years - but for the last 2 years I have not owed a penny to anyone and I am determined to keep it that way. 

 

It can be done - I would also suggest taking a look at the 'Debt Free Wannabe' section of the Money Saving Expert forums, it helped us to identify the best course of action for the circumstances I landed myself (and family) in. 

Well done, this to me is cool as fuck! I'm sure you and your good wife are stronger than ever and financially much better. 

 

Seriously, excellent work and yes, money saving expert. what a legend and how much support you can get from there. Nice one! 

[Rogerborg]

9 hours ago, Cannonfodder said:

especially the airsoft groups on facebook

 

Facebook have just yeeted me because "We think you're under 13" (despite having that account for at least that long!). "Provide real world ID to get access."

 

Nah, I'm fine, thanks.  They really did me a favour there - one fewer thing to refresh every morning, seeking engagement that's really nothing of the sort.

[Tackle]

2 hours ago, Rogerborg said:

 

Facebook have just yeeted me because "We think you're under 13" (despite having that account for at least that long!). "Provide real world ID to get access."

 

Nah, I'm fine, thanks.  They really did me a favour there - one fewer thing to refresh every morning, seeking engagement that's really nothing of the sort.

What your saying is, the Facebook analytic bots have scrutinised the content of your more recent posts, & have ascertained that you must be childlike.......... 

Any of us could have told them that & saved them some time ???

[Egon_247]

Kudos to people who have dragged themselves out of the pit of despair.

I've had depression and anxiety my whole adult life and unfortunately they both carry the joys of debt creation well. 

I've been there. I think I was u to £16k in debt at one point. The joy of opening the freshly delivered parcel was greater than the worry of how to pay for it.

"Oh, I'll sort that at the end of the month"

"I'll do a PayPal pay in three"

"Whack it on the card, I'll pay it off"

 

Over the years I've learned that having the latest and greatest doesn't make you the "man". In fact the opposite is actually true.

I've had the expensive hobbies (rc cars, rc planes, Italian cars, marine fish, flying lessons, the list goes on) and each one has caused me issues.

Airsoft with two boys of airsoft age is the latest. My boys want this, that and the other. 

So I'm TRYING to get them to work out what they actually NEED rather than what they WANT.

I've shown them that a second hand whatnot is cheaper and just as effective if you learn how it works and fix any potential issues.

My eldest got hold of my phone yesterday and decided to put an offer in on a drum mag for his AAP. 

The first I heard of it is reading a message from the seller accepting my offer.....needless to say I've had to apologize and have chewed him a new one. He didn't have the money and the bank of dad wasn't supporting this move. 

Big tears, big row and a big talking to and we have established that he is stupid for doing it (apologies again if you're reading this) but I don't need him to make the same mistakes as I did. 

It is a state of mind thing. You want something and the access to be able to buy it is waaaaaay too easy to do.

I can go to patrol base now and buy a grands worth of stuff and it'll be here on Monday/Tuesday. In 6 months time when it's paid off plus double for interest and what have you, was it worth £2k? 

Nope.

Depression and spending are inextricably linked. It's a black hole on loop. there's help out there (ironic that you have to pay for it, adding to the problem!!).

Amazes me the kit that some people have. I wonder how much it adds up to but if they CAN afford it, good luck to them.

Just pause over the "add to cart" or "buy it now" and think:

Do I need it? 

 

If you're stressed, struggling or in a sand pit with you head buried, TALK TO SOMEONE. it helps. Trust me. I've been in your position. You can turn the light on at the end of the tunnel......

[Rogerborg]

That unboxing buzz sure is addictive.  It's great to hear that you're out of the hole now though, and helping your sons to avoid falling in it.

 

1 hour ago, Egon_247 said:

You want something and the access to be able to buy it is waaaaaay too easy to do.

 

Goddamn Klarna at every checkout.  Can't afford it now?  No problems, just pay it off later! No interest, no fees, no catch!

 

Unless, you know, you can't afford it later either.  Then they'll be happy to turn your payment into a loan at 19%.  Can't pay that off?  Then they'll turn it over to Big Baz at their debt collection arm and start piling on the fees and valuing your furniture.

 

It's predatory behaviour: their entire business model is based on pushing people into the debt pit. 

[alxndrhll]

I will say I also don't think we should be demonising spending money on things we want, as long as it's within your means. Finances are such an individual thing, and for the most part an entirely case by case basis. Just be responsible.

Edited March 5, 2023 by alxndrhll

[Tommikka]

On 03/03/2023 at 11:07, Tackle said:

…….have ascertained that you must be childlike.......... 

 

I for one have throughout my life put into  practice the right not to grow up

42 minutes ago, alxndrhll said:

I will say I also don't think we should be demonising spending money on things we want, as long as it's within your means. Finances are such an individual thing, and for the most part an entirely case by case basis. Just be responsible.

I don’t think that any post here has demonised spending (even out of your means)

 

The thread highlights other issues, whether spending is a temporary escape from the issues or whether spending is the cause of the issue

In both the spiral is the same

 

I take the thread as a call out to think, and to not be afraid of seeking help

 

Just one is a victory 

[alxndrhll]

15 minutes ago, Tommikka said:

I don’t think that any post here has demonised spending (even out of your means)

 

The thread highlights other issues, whether spending is a temporary escape from the issues or whether spending is the cause of the issue

In both the spiral is the same

 

I take the thread as a call out to think, and to not be afraid of seeking help

 

Just one is a victory 

 

I absolutely agree, and the post wasn't intended to point out any posts that were or I'd have quoted the ones that I felt had. Purely highlighting there are two sides to it, and you shouldn't feel bad every time you buy something... as long as you're responsible in doing it.