The Ex....

[AirSniper]

My Ex is a manipulative, conniving and controlling <woman who flies around on a broomstick>.

Our lad just informed me that he can no longer access any Airsoft related content or sites because madam has included in the firewall the various terms that airsoft uses.

 

She hates the fact that he love the sport and game aspect of it and its the only physically challenging thing he does but complains about me being the one who wants him to do it and hates it because it promotes violence.

I have a feeling that its the Jehovah's Witnesses that have been preying on her for the last few months. I know what they are like given that half my family are witnesses, we don't talk to them because it's generally centered around the bible... 

 

He doesn't get enough data on his mobile plan that she controls, so suggesting that he uses tethering as a bridged network connection isn't going to work as its likely the data will get eaten up fast.

 

Anyone else have to put up with crap like this off their ex's controlling behaviour?

[Asomodai]

I have two ex's. One of which I don't speak with and one of which I am still living with (A very recent development and the reason why I have been very quiet forum wise). 

 

I would never air my grievances of my ex partners on a public forum. Keep it private, it's just not the done thing and reflects badly on you. 

Edited July 25, 2022 by Asomodai

[AirSniper]

1 minute ago, Asomodai said:

I have two ex's. One of which I don't speak with and one of which I am still living with (A very recent development). 

 

I would never air my grievances of my ex partners on a public forum. Keep it private, it's just not the done thing and reflects badly on you. 

Should see what she posts about me on social media, I could Johnny Depp her and win. I don't because it would be detrimental to our son.

[EDcase]

Its a tough situation for sure.

Could well cause a rift between her and your son.  (He will likely resist the brainwashing)

Escalating is never a good situation.  Let things cool down and hopefully she'll see he needs to get out more...

[Asomodai]

16 minutes ago, AirSniper said:

Should see what she posts about me on social media, I could Johnny Depp her and win. I don't because it would be detrimental to our son.

 

I couldn't care less what my ex would or would not post about me.

 

I would make sure I was the better person and not air dirty laundry in public. What good could this possibly do for your situation or son?

Edited July 25, 2022 by Asomodai

[Emergencychimps]

As someone who went through a horrendous divorce and settlement process, I can't recommend good legal advice enough. Sometimes that advice is to progress things through courts, official communication/requests etc. sometimes it's to have a conversation with them and not take it through the lawyers.  

 

I guess the custodial set up is very relevant for your specific case, but the best person to advise is a lawyer who understands your situation and ramifications of how you approach this- they aren't cheap - but often with this type of difficult ex, that you need to keep dealing with and managing etc. They are worth it. 

 

A lot of firms will do an hours worth of advice for free, do a few with different firms and see if there are any you think seem like they get your situation and advise appropriate steps - you won't get any free work done, but use this time to whittle out someone you think could represent your interests in the way you need them managed. 

 

Best of luck on this one. 

[Tommikka]

For the underlying causes - they won’t be resolved until they are resolved 

Its a bad thing to have him played between the two of you and even worse to have him see you attempting to bypass her 

 

 

1) Are the blockers explicit or implicit? On the basis of explicit being that she has placed blocks on words or implicit that she has put in place parental controls that are overarching with default words blocked or sites blocked due to their content settings 

 

If she has really made explicit blocks then it won’t be resolved without going through the issues and then having the limits eased

If she has set implicit blockers then she may be willing to release some in the settings, or willing to give him authorised time with the controls turned off in her presence 

 

2) alternatives such as tethering would bypass the blocks, but will kill his low data and be a cause of more problems between you all

[AirSniper]

21 hours ago, Emergencychimps said:

As someone who went through a horrendous divorce and settlement process, I can't recommend good legal advice enough. Sometimes that advice is to progress things through courts, official communication/requests etc. sometimes it's to have a conversation with them and not take it through the lawyers.  

 

I guess the custodial set up is very relevant for your specific case, but the best person to advise is a lawyer who understands your situation and ramifications of how you approach this- they aren't cheap - but often with this type of difficult ex, that you need to keep dealing with and managing etc. They are worth it. 

 

A lot of firms will do an hours worth of advice for free, do a few with different firms and see if there are any you think seem like they get your situation and advise appropriate steps - you won't get any free work done, but use this time to whittle out someone you think could represent your interests in the way you need them managed. 

 

Best of luck on this one. 

I have by court order 50:50 residency and like typical women these days that have been radicalised by feminism ignored the order. Rather than go through the false accusations of being this and that and the other, I let it slide. She knows what I think and gave her a verbal orientation on her atrocious attitude as she would often harass me on the phone because she was pissed off at something that happened to her and having completed a psychology course, knew what she was doing was transference and trying to put blame on me for something that had nothing to do with me. What I get upset about is the way she is controlling and manipulating our son because of what she sees as my influence.

She accused him of shooting his BB gun out the front window, a BB gun she bought him before he started airsoft, yet blames me for airsoft and teaching him violence. Go figure.

21 hours ago, Tommikka said:

For the underlying causes - they won’t be resolved until they are resolved 

Its a bad thing to have him played between the two of you and even worse to have him see you attempting to bypass her 

 

 

1) Are the blockers explicit or implicit? On the basis of explicit being that she has placed blocks on words or implicit that she has put in place parental controls that are overarching with default words blocked or sites blocked due to their content settings 

 

If she has really made explicit blocks then it won’t be resolved without going through the issues and then having the limits eased

If she has set implicit blockers then she may be willing to release some in the settings, or willing to give him authorised time with the controls turned off in her presence 

 

2) alternatives such as tethering would bypass the blocks, but will kill his low data and be a cause of more problems between you all

I suggested he uses his mobile phone as a tether in a bridged connection as the PC will automatically attempt to contact a site via the open channel and data returned by both channels as incoming for blocks is generally on outgoing connections.

He said he could brute force the router to gain admin but told him not to poke the dragon... or it might end up with him losing all internet access and contact via email with me.

I have been tethering for the last 15 years and never had a streaming problem, its all down to the provider of the service and if they allow it.

[Tommikka]

1 hour ago, AirSniper said:

I have been tethering for the last 15 years and never had a streaming problem, its all down to the provider of the service and if they allow it.

Tethering itself wouldn’t be a problem, but you noted that his data allowance isn’t up to much

[Speedbird_666]

Would a VPN not work to bypass the Parental restrictions? You might need to pay for the service, but he could install the client (hiding any desktop shortcuts) and use it to connect to the internet bypassing the Router restrictions.

[Cannonfodder]

Sorry to say it but her house, her rules and actively helping him to get around them will go wrong when she finds out, and she will find out, is only pouring oil on the fire. 

 

As others have posted, keep this sort of thing off public forums as it makes you both look like prime candidates for a spot on the Jeremy Kyle show

[Tackle]

As the guys have said, while it's not pleasant for you, what your telling us isn't really for public consumption. 

As for what your son accesses via HER network, yep it's on her & in these time of mass shootings etc, unlikely you'll find any critics against her choices. 

So maybe you & your son stick to Airsoft stuff when your together only, anything else just gives her "ammo" to use against you, & when she throws religious beliefs in to the mix, that's just another bit of leverage against you that she'll easily exploit. 

Concentrate on placating her & getting your entitled access to your son. 

 

And they call them the weaker sex 😭💔

[Steveocee]

This is utter madness.

It's 50:50 so you should probably respect that whilst your child is with their other parent, that parent has control over they think your son should or should not be looking at or watching. If you had banned or preferenced against something, I'm fairly sure you'd be extremely unimpressed if your Ex was trying to negate your rules and undermine you.

 

Sorry if this is a harsh truth but you're coming across as a real ass by doing this and trying to hide it behind "your sons interests". This feels nothing more than trying to 1up your Ex.

[Madhouse]

Burner PAYG SIM that you/he pays for separately. PAYG as if/when it gets found you won't be using it again any time soon, but at least being a SIM it's small enough to keep in a wallet or stash somewhere.

 

Obviously you'll have to deal with the fallout if it goes pear-shaped but I guess you know that already.

[Tackle]

42 minutes ago, Madhouse said:

Burner PAYG SIM that you/he pays for separately. PAYG as if/when it gets found you won't be using it again any time soon, but at least being a SIM it's small enough to keep in a wallet or stash somewhere.

 

Obviously you'll have to deal with the fallout if it goes pear-shaped but I guess you know that already.

Dude, don't encourage this shit, when it gets found, & it usually does, then things just get worse, she gets more reasons to keep his son from him, which might be supported by courts etc.

OP, you need to work at improving your relationship with your EX, & only then slowly feeding in you & your son's mutual interests, yeah it sucks that she appears to have all the control but unfortunately that's usually the way it is, & using underhand & deceitful tactics to undermine her choices, choices that many would view as sensible, will backfire on you, & ultimately have a negative effect on your son.

[AirSniper]

My lad informs me that she took the magazine for his BB gun and has glued it so it won't work.

3 hours ago, Tackle said:

Dude, don't encourage this shit, when it gets found, & it usually does, then things just get worse, she gets more reasons to keep his son from him, which might be supported by courts etc.

OP, you need to work at improving your relationship with your EX, & only then slowly feeding in you & your son's mutual interests, yeah it sucks that she appears to have all the control but unfortunately that's usually the way it is, & using underhand & deceitful tactics to undermine her choices, choices that many would view as sensible, will backfire on you, & ultimately have a negative effect on your son.

I appreciate that but even he is fed up with her childishness and he is fed up of not having any privacy or ability to pursue interests he likes, take fishing, bought him a full fishing kit and all that has happened is she has said that "You won't catch anything, what a waste of money", she has a very negative attitude to anything I support him in wanting to do like airsoft and fishing, camping, going to scouts which he loves doing. Whenever child services are in the picture, she is the total opposite...
 

21 hours ago, Steveocee said:

This is utter madness.

It's 50:50 so you should probably respect that whilst your child is with their other parent, that parent has control over they think your son should or should not be looking at or watching. If you had banned or preferenced against something, I'm fairly sure you'd be extremely unimpressed if your Ex was trying to negate your rules and undermine you.

 

Sorry if this is a harsh truth but you're coming across as a real ass by doing this and trying to hide it behind "your sons interests". This feels nothing more than trying to 1up your Ex.

You got that back to front, she is the one that constantly undermines rules that even child services agreed were more than reasonable. I have been anything but an ass hat in this, I am banging my head against the wall here as I recognise how it is affecting our son. She gives him no privacy yet at the time Child services sited that because of my accomodation, he needed his own room and privacy, yet he gets his own room but zero privacy from her. Its annoying because she will ring me at any hour of the night to moan about what he has or hasn't done or been doing that shouldn't and I have to work out if she is using me as the whipping tool to tell him off, which she had done in the past. As for the 50:50, she has never respected my input and issued dictats that have to be abided by "OR ELSE" in her words...  

[SBoardley]

Dunno if this is suitable for an airsoft forum? Does your son visit these pages too? Probably best to keep your private life private bro. 

[Cannonfodder]

This whole thread shows why I think breeding should be licenced 

[AirSniper]

Glued BB's down the barrel too..

 

Looks like she smashed the magazine.

 

Never known anything like it myself, she only goes off on one when the Jehova's Witnesses have been around.

 

7 hours ago, SBoardley said:

Dunno if this is suitable for an airsoft forum? Does your son visit these pages too? Probably best to keep your private life private bro. 

Shes blocked airsoft sites in the firewall.