Tell Us a Gag. Please!

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Why is camouflage not spelled                 .

[Shamal]

Lorry incident on A3. A lorry carrying a load of Thesauruses has jackknifed on the A3 and spilt its load.  Witnesses are said to be aghast, stunned, shocked, flabbergasted, stupefied, taken aback, dumbfounded, amazed, astounded, dazed, bewildered, confounded, overwhelmed, perplexed…...

[Cannonfodder]

Who says town planners don't have a sense of humour

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I've floated my latest marsupial fighting series idea to my bank manager. 

 

If all goes well, Mortal Wombat will be on your screens soon.  

[Shamal]

I'm starting to think that my Disney themed front garden is a bad idea.

 

People keep taking the Mickey.☹️

[Druid799]

[Druid799]

[Druid799]

[Enid_Puceflange]

On 24/04/2022 at 12:07, Cannonfodder said:

Who says town planners don't have a sense of humour

 

I raise you -  Bellenden Gardens ??

 

[Skullchewer]

Just found out my brother in law is a mime artist! 

He kept that quiet.

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I went to a wake today.  I've been to several now; but none of them have worked.  

[Shamal]

Well I gave up building houses a few months ago and got myself a wood lathe. I've been turning small religious figures. I enjoy it but just cant seem to turn a prophet ?

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died.

 

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

[Shamal]

Well in the current economic climate it seems that ladders and umbrellas are going up.

 

And talking about ladders the spacing between rungs has increased. It's all to do with climb it change.

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Not one to boast, but I had terrific sex last night with this girl I met in the pub.

 

We both got barred by the landlord mind.  

 

[Cannonfodder]

7 hours ago, rocketdogbert said:

Politicians 

Fixed it for you 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Tried to watch one of those hard core tractor videos that are all the rage last night.  

 

I didn't make it past the trailer...

[Shamal]

Talking of tractors.

When I worked on a farm years ago my stock hearder was well into them. He collected models and magazines from all over the world. Every type and make from fordson majors to international harvesters. 

 

Then one day he said to me  that that he was selling his entire collection. I was shocked! I never thought that one day he would be an ex tractor fan ?

[Jedi_Master]

Definition of a gag: a joke or funny story.

 

 

[Adolf Hamster]

29 minutes ago, Jedi_Master said:

Definition of a gag: a joke or funny story.

 

tbf most of the posts are jokes.

 

just not very good ones.....

[Tackle]

33 minutes ago, Jedi_Master said:

Definition of a gag: a joke or funny story.

 

 

Somebody should get trading standards on to Russell Howard then, painful to watch?

[Shamal]

A couple knocked on my door this morning and gave me a lecture for over an hour about how good brown bread is better than white bread.

It turned out they were Hovis Witnesses.

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I went into the electrical shop and said to the guy, "I need a battery so I can tell the time"

 

'Is it for a clock" he asked.

 

I said "I don't know, that's why I need the battery"

[Shamal]

16 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

I went into the electrical shop and said to the guy, "I need a battery so I can tell the time"

 

'Is it for a clock" he asked.

 

I said "I don't know, that's why I need the battery"

Took me a while but I got there ?

[Tackle]

16 minutes ago, Shamal said:

Took me a while but I got there ?

LOL, glad it wasn't just me then?