Cannonfodder Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 You know when you run out of toilet paper and have to do that pants down waddle to get another? Well I'm nearly at tesco RostokMcSpoons, Tactical Pith Helmet, Floperator and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 30, 2022 Author Share Posted May 30, 2022 This just in.. Rare Picasso sells for £106 million. Who on earth would pay that much for a Citroën? 🤔 Sebza and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 Sad news from the Nestle factory today. A worker was crushed at the warehouse. His cries for help were ignored. Each time he shouted, 'The Milky Bars are on me,' everyone just cheered. Tackle and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 31, 2022 Author Share Posted May 31, 2022 Watch out Polce have toay ssue a warnng to be on the lookout for i.d thefts Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 One has to be careful these days. You can have monkeypox and not know that you are a carrier. You may be achimptomatic. Shamal and Floperator 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 1, 2022 Author Share Posted June 1, 2022 15 hours ago, Shamal said: Watch out Polce have toay ssue a warnng to be on the lookout for i.d thefts The I's and D's are missing Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Shamal Posted June 1, 2022 Author Popular Post Share Posted June 1, 2022 Ok try this one. I went to a fancy dress party and the host said, "what have you come as", I said "a Harp", he said "you're too small to be a Harp", so I said "are you calling me a Lyre"🙂 EDcase, Tackle, RostokMcSpoons and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted June 1, 2022 Share Posted June 1, 2022 16 hours ago, Shamal said: The I's and D's are missing I thought you'd got pissed and mashed the keyboard lol. 😂 Turns out my brain had quit for the evening... Anyhow... My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub. So I've started smoking. Floperator and Shamal 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 2, 2022 Author Share Posted June 2, 2022 I just got some anti gloating cream from the doctor... I can't wait to rub it in Tactical Pith Helmet and Floperator 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted June 2, 2022 Share Posted June 2, 2022 Two years of Covid and some chap called Depp gets Heard immunity at last. Shamal, Druid799 and Samurai 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 2, 2022 Author Share Posted June 2, 2022 11 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Two years of Covid and some chap called Depp gets Heard immunity at last. Nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted June 2, 2022 Share Posted June 2, 2022 The tools were late being delivered onsite today. It took the boss three hours to get them to us! For three hours we had to lean on each other instead! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 3, 2022 Author Share Posted June 3, 2022 My favourite teacher back in school was Mrs Turtle. Funny name, but she tortoise well. SBoardley, Floperator and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Tactical Pith Helmet Posted June 3, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted June 3, 2022 In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night. This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation. Samurai, SBoardley, Shamal and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 4, 2022 Author Share Posted June 4, 2022 9 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night. This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation. 🤦 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 4, 2022 Author Share Posted June 4, 2022 Someone told me that if you hold up a Shell, you can hear the sea. I didn’t, instead I got 5 years for armed robbery. P.s not really though 🤭 Tactical Pith Helmet and Druid799 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted June 6, 2022 Share Posted June 6, 2022 A woman purchases a parrot for only £5. “Well, I must confess, it was brought up in a brothel,” says the shopkeeper. “And, to put it politely, it has quite an extensive vocabulary.” “Never mind,” says the woman. “At that price, I’ll take it.” So she takes the parrot home, puts its cage in the living room and takes the cover off. “New place – very nice,” says the parrot. Then the woman’s two daughters walk in. “New place, new girls – very nice,” says the parrot. Then the woman’s husband walks in, and the parrot says, “Oh hello, Keith!” Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 6, 2022 Author Share Posted June 6, 2022 Hippo advice. It is a known fact that hippos can run faster than humans on land and that in water they can swim faster than humans too. Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.🚴🦛 Druid799 and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 7, 2022 Author Share Posted June 7, 2022 I bought a 12 year old whisky today... ...His parents weren't very happy! Cannonfodder and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted June 7, 2022 Share Posted June 7, 2022 According to this book I read, the Mongol Empire was established one steppe at a time! Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted June 7, 2022 Share Posted June 7, 2022 (edited) A Boeing 777 was on its way across the Atlantic when all of a sudden a USAF F35 pulled up along side. "Boring flight huh?" the fighter pilot said over the radio. "Watch this". The fighter then accelerated away, breaking the sound barrier before performing loops and rolls, then returning alongside the passenger jet. "What do you think of that?" the fighter pilot called over the radio. "Not bad, watch this" comes the reply from the 777 A few minutes go by and the big jet continues to fly dead straight and level. Finally the radio crackles to life "Well, what do you think?" "About what? You didn't do anything" asks the confused fighter pilot. "Yes I did" comes the reply "I got up, went for a piss, made a coffee and arranged a date with a stewardess in a 5* hotel, that's paid for by the airline" Edited June 7, 2022 by Cannonfodder Floperator, Tactical Pith Helmet, Druid799 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted June 8, 2022 Share Posted June 8, 2022 I pulled a nose hair out today, to see if it hurts as much as people say it does. Judging by the way the man beside me on the bus reacted, it really does. Cannonfodder, Shamal, Floperator and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 9, 2022 Author Share Posted June 9, 2022 If agoraphobia is real, why have I never met anyone who has it 🤔 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 10, 2022 Author Share Posted June 10, 2022 I’ve decided to start searching for my birth mother. I realise that I run the risk of never actually finding her, but that’s the risk I took when I drove her to Ikea. Tactical Pith Helmet and Druid799 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supporters Druid799 Posted June 10, 2022 Supporters Share Posted June 10, 2022 Man walking down the street sees another man walking towards him with a ladder under his arm . he stops the man and says “excuse me is that your own long ladder ?” And the 2nd man says “yes it’s my long ladder , why do you ask ?” and the 1st man replies with a sad look on his face “when I was a child I didn’t have a long ladder of my own , I only had a step-ladder” Floperator, Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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