Everybody meet my vicious killing machine!

[Finius]

As some of you know, I have recently come into ownership of a small dog. This dog is a highly trained killing machine and will protect me against any and all dangers with his claws of steel, teeth of more-steel and stare of deadly badassness.

 

He is fully equipped with cunning and deceptive tactics designed to lull my enemies into a false sense of security before swiftly and mercilessly dispatching them. He is also working on a rather lovely white and tan colour scheme which I believe will result in him looking a bit like DDPM, making him even more adept in arid/desert environments, which is fortunate because I live in Essex, known for it's long dry summers and expansive arid deserts.

 

He is Oscar, the bringer of death.

 

This is his recruitment mug-shot, notice the stare. You see that stare, you know this dog means business, you know that he could f**k your s**t up HARD:

 

Next up, an action shot, notice how Oscar blends in perfectly with his brothers and sisters, invisible to the untrained eye:

 

And finally, another shot of Oscar in action, I warn you all, this photograph is brutally graphic. Look in in awe as you witness my attack-dog savaging my girlfriend to death with cold and calculating cruelty:

 

Seriously though guys.

[TacMaster]

Argh...the CUTENESS!!! So overpowering...can't take it anymore...

[scorpia4]

Argh...the CUTENESS!!! So overpowering...can't take it anymore...

The girl or the dog?

[TacMaster]

Well I would say the former, but looking at finius' profile picture I reckon he'd be leading an assault on my house by this evening, so I'm going to say the dog. 'Twas clearly the evil killing machine that I was talking about...

Anyway, here's my beast. He doesn't tend to mangle my foes anymore, and spends his time eating and sleeping:

 

He can look quite startled though

[Tariq]

Dawwwwww

 

Cats > Dogs

[Black Death]

Cute dog bro... Seems he's the white sheep of the family lol

[scorpia4]

I had a lab but he had a stroke... I had a bull terrier but he got leukaemia. I had another bull terrier but she got cancer :'( attached is picture of tipper the dog with cancer. She was the best. She bit my cousin on the bum cause he was being a dick to everyone. She was like a people. But yeah cool dooogs bro.

[Finius]

Well I would say the former, but looking at finius' profile picture I reckon he'd be leading an assault on my house by this evening, so I'm going to say the dog. 'Twas clearly the evil killing machine that I was talking about...

 

Fear not, that's not me in my avatar, it's just a ridiculously badass picture of some Royal Marines looking ridiculously badass

 

I like to see AF-UK is mostly dog-people.

 

Tariq, however, is just wrong.

[TacMaster]

Yeah, cats can be ok, but it's damned annoying when you wake up with them wrapped around your head asleep.

[Dan_W]

Here is my little terrorising mutt... and his blanky

 

[scorpia4]

My cat used to bitch slap me while I was sleeping cause he wanted attention...

[Mack]

Heres my pet jawa!

[adam bussey]

Heres my pet jawa!

 

[Finius]

Everyone loves a Jawa.

 

I've decided to turn this thread into a sort of diary of the life and times of my rabid beast. Throughout the course of his life, or certainly his puppyhood, I will report to AF-UK regarding his adventures. I assure you, it's going to be horrific.

 

Tonight, I bring you a small entry regarding...THE FORTRESS OF DOGITUDE.

 

 

This is Oscar's crib. Notice that not only is it equipped with soul-hardening, claw-sharpening, blood-curdling pillows of undeniable badassness, it is also equipped with three of the most powerful training tools know to dog.

 

What you see there are three premium devices designed to train Oscar's life-rending abilities until they're razor sharp. First up, there's piggy. We all know humans are basically tall bacon, by drill-training devastating attacks on this device Oscar will hone his abilities by developing an acute knowledge of human anatomy, enabling him to execute even the most deadly targets with ease and a swift, surgical precision unbeknownst to mere humans.

 

Secondly, there's the dumbells-of-wrath. This chewable dumbell device is equipped with a bell which lets Oscar know he's f**king mauling the living s**t out of it. By using this device he'll be training his lifting muscles and grapple techniques, ideal for defending himself against any stupid enough to go up against his devastating martial art skills (He's also going to train in aikido till he's hench like a motherf**ker).

 

Finally, we have the rolling-ball-of-jingling. This rather spherical object is also equipped with the same bell as the dumbells-of-wrath except instead of training his aikido technique, this actually teaches my dog how to f**king deflect live f**king grenades. How many cats can deflect motherf**king grenades? None, because cats are little b**ches.

 

The fortress itself is crafted from an ancient fortified suitcase, this master-crafted domicile is forged from the finest alloys know to carpentry (whut?) and is designed to shield Oscar from harm during his downtime, private meditation and training sessions, not that he needs it because he's a boss. It also folds close for relocation, essential for a master assassin who is also on the lookout for whatever s**t is next on his list of things to f**k up today.

[Deva]

The off topic king has returned I think..

[Airsoft-Ed]

I have a target for Oscar, his first hit.

 

My cat.

Here are some reference photos for identification: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151500181977913&set=a.194056937912.125941.609402912&type=3&theater

 

And here's a video for some more clarification:

[Finius]

Unfortunately, being as my my terminator-dog is still with his mother at present, no major updates, except he did ruthlessly demolish an innocent pair of brand new Superman Converse the other day (and he only did that because he's run out of s**t to f**k up on his list of s**t to f**k up).

 

Cost-to-state of my hellbeast? £35.00

[Unrustle_Thine_Jimmies]

Came here expecting something odd.

 

Then saw Finius name in the thread,

 

Expected puppies.

 

was not disappoint.

[Finius]

Finius never disappoints.

[Finius]

AF-UK, bear witness the terrible might of Oscar the Destroyer and his mighty warface.

 

[Finius]

So now, a year and a half on, I've decided we need to update this.

 

The past year has been filled with dog-related ups and down. He's eaten about £2000 worth of household items, from designer glasses to headphones to coats and more and has truly lived up to his name. On the other hand however, he's my best friend and has turned out to be a truly lovely member of the family.

 

Those of you who have me as a friend on facebook will no doubt be borderline-suicidal as a result of the sheer volume of dog-related posts I create on a daily basis. Those of you who do not, have missed out.

 

Luckily for you unfortunate lot though, I have an updated, albeit graphic photo of The Destroyer for you. He's a bit bigger this time around.

 

I warn you, the below photo contains graphic imagery of Oscar mercilessly crushing my mother to death after she refused to get off the chair for him.

 

I should also note, that when we were given him, we were told he shouldn't be much more than a small-medium dog, this small-medium dog now weighs almost as much as my fiance (about 50kg).

 

 

Small dog much?

[Undieing_Lust]

Small doge much wow?

 

[Lozart]

YAY! Dogs!

 

I like dogs. Dogs are most l33t pets.

 

This was mine as a small feet seeking missile:

and now fully grown into an efficient eating and sleeping machine of doom:

 

Captured in a rare moment of being actually awake.

[Finius]

Your dog has no legs D:

[M_P]

Dougal? Is that you?