Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 Bloody kids begged me to buy them a Theremin. They never even touched the thing! Floperator, John_W and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 6, 2022 Author Share Posted July 6, 2022 A hacker gang have deleted all the data from google maps for a triangle between Bradford, Wakefield and Wetherby. The police say that at this stage they have no Leeds. Tactical Pith Helmet, EDcase and John_W 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 6, 2022 Share Posted July 6, 2022 Two women called me a sexist pig when I gave a wolf whistle. They didn't even apologize when my pet wolf ran up to me. Shamal, Dan Robinson and John_W 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Robinson Posted July 6, 2022 Share Posted July 6, 2022 28 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Two women called me a sexist pig when I gave a wolf whistle. They didn't even apologize when my pet wolf ran up to me. Bloody woke millennials. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 I asked if the coffin would be open at Aunt Hilda's funeral. Remains to be seen apparently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 8, 2022 Author Share Posted July 8, 2022 17 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: I asked if the coffin would be open at Aunt Hilda's funeral. Remains to be seen apparently. 🤦 Lol Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 8, 2022 Author Share Posted July 8, 2022 Warning, I got a weird phone message asking if I want to sell authentic ancient egyptian artifacts... I think it's a pyramid scheme scam. Tactical Pith Helmet and EDcase 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 An Aer Lingus flight took off from Dublin to New York, when not long into the flight the stewardess nervously came onto the intercom "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm extremely sorry but the catering company have made a huge mistake" she said. "120 people are on board, but they only gave us 80 meals, so we've decided anyone who gives up their meal to a hungry person will drink for free for the rest of the flight" Several hours later she came onto the tannoy again "Ladies and gentlemen we are now approaching New York, please fasten your seat belts and return your seat to the upright position, by the way, we've got 80 chicken dinners here if anyone's hungry" Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 9, 2022 Author Share Posted July 9, 2022 Covid was well behind them, and Luigi, Paddy and Hamish were celebrating in a pub. Their conversation ran as follows: “I know the best bar in the world;” declared Hamish. “It’s in bonnie Glasgow and if you buy a drink, then buy another drink, and then another, Wee Willie the barman gives you the fourth drink completely free. Och aye. It’s the only bar in Scotland as good as that.” Luigi said “That’s a-nothin’. I know a bar in Milano where if you buy a drink, Silvio the barman gives you the next one for free. You then buy another drink, and the one after that is for free as well. We Italians know that all the best bars are in Italy.” “To be sure, to be sure;” Paddy interjected. “The best bars are all in Dublin. I know one bar which leaves all that for standing. The barman gives you your first drink for free. Then he gives you your second drink for free. And the third is free as well. As many as you want. And if you’re in luck he takes you round the back and makes sure you get all the sex you want for free, as well. That, my friends, is the best bar in the world.” Luigi and Hamish are clearly impressed, “That sure does take some beating,” they both admit. “And have you actually had this amazing drinking experience yourself?” “Not me personally, ” admitted Paddy, “but my sister has. Floperator, Cannonfodder and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 I'm burying a halloween skeleton in a shallow grave under my patio. Should be funny for the next guy who digs it up in 30 years John_W, Shamal, Dan Robinson and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 9, 2022 Author Share Posted July 9, 2022 14 minutes ago, Cannonfodder said: I'm burying a halloween skeleton in a shallow grave under my patio. Should be funny for the next guy who digs it up in 30 years Fuck yeah!! 💀 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Robinson Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 As someone who lived in Gloucester when that all kicked off.. I approve LOL Actually, my old man named his last pair of cats Fred and Rosey as they had a thing for finding their way and hiding under floorboards. When the investigations were taking place we used to get crime tourists coming to see the house.... Being long before SatNav, we used to send people miles out of their way, on some occasions even Cheltenham LOL. Tackle, Cannonfodder and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 Dan Robinson and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Robinson Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 Not the same topic... But for some reason this popped in my head. If you know.... You know.... Cannonfodder 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Tackle Posted July 9, 2022 Moderators Share Posted July 9, 2022 3 hours ago, Dan Robinson said: Actually, my old man named his last pair of cats Fred and Rosey Cats, yeah I get that, but my divvy Niece called her first kid Fred 7 years ago, no issues, & then 4 years ago had another sprog, AND CALLED HER ROSE FFS. & we're like "really, Fred & Rose" & she's like "I don't know what your getting at" ? Tactical Pith Helmet and Dan Robinson 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Robinson Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 That's something special 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 11, 2022 Author Share Posted July 11, 2022 This year I wasn't sure whether to get my mum another birthday card or one of those jumper-type garments with buttons up the front. So I bought her a card again. Dan Robinson, AirSniper and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Robinson Posted July 11, 2022 Share Posted July 11, 2022 Took me a while.... LOL Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 13, 2022 Share Posted July 13, 2022 What has more brains than Kurt Kobain? The wall behind him. Shamal, Cannonfodder and AirSniper 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 13, 2022 Author Share Posted July 13, 2022 So it was Mrs shamals girlie weekend last week and I was feeling neglected. I had £25 pounds save up so took myself off to Pompey docks and hired a lady of the night( I say night but it was about 6.30pm because it's cheaper before 9pm. Rush hour) And I know £25 is a lot but it's only once a year. Anywho we do the business and afterwards the cheeky mare says "You've not got a very big organ have you" to which I reply " yeah well I've never had to play in a fuckin' Cathedral before!" "Fair enough" she says and gives me a fiver back. P.s none of above is true. Purely to personalize the gag.😂😂 Qué Mr Tackle.....lol Tackle, Tactical Pith Helmet, Jedi_Master and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supporters Adolf Hamster Posted July 13, 2022 Supporters Share Posted July 13, 2022 21 minutes ago, Shamal said: P.s none of above is true. Purely to personalize the gag.😂 Dan Robinson, Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 14, 2022 Author Share Posted July 14, 2022 What do you call a cow with no legs?…….ground beef What do you call a cow with two legs?….lean beef What do you call a cow with a twitch?….beef jerky What do you call a cow that’s just given birth?….decalfeinated What do you call a dog with no legs? ….You can call him anything you want ’cause he’s not coming AirSniper and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 'Women are such gossips,' said Uncle Bob, 'they're always telling the police about your sex life.' AirSniper and Shamal 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirSniper Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 Cannonfodder, Tactical Pith Helmet, Adolf Hamster and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 I snore so loudly that I scare the passengers in my car apparently. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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