Tactical Pith Helmet

There are times when you'd be glad of having a water bottle of someone else's piss. An Ed Sheeran concert for example.

I've been asked to sing at Putin's birthday party. I've been practicing Crimea River for weeks.

It was just the one item, an arguably overpriced stock. He's got good feedback on ebay. I'd go for the torch. Just a reminder really that it's a small (airsoft) world!

I remember that name from Mack's...

I use Green in the summer and Red in the winter. I didn't know know better when I first bought my pistol. Every one else used Green so I did too. The Red is needed to operate the thing in cold weather. For the amount of use it gets (next to none) I'm not worrying.

Two Russian soldiers are whacking a bomb with a hammer. 'You idiots,' shouts an NCO as he spots them, 'what if that goes off?' 'It's OK,' they reply, 'we've got another one.'

Serves me right for reading the free trade magazine at work...

Plenty of vessels go back via Hamburg etc. Germany has a positive trade balance with China.

Go on I dare you...

I had one of those Russian advent calendars this year. Each time you opened a window an oligarch fell out.

Did you know that the leading cause of cancer in lab rats is research scientists?

My wife was born female, she identifies as female. According to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding, she's a family of four.

Hi Joe, As a fellow East ~Anglian I'll second Stew. I fucked over properly the first year that I played. Dead branches in long grass trapping my feet each time. You'll find the CQB in Snetterton has a good(ish) flat(ish) clear surface. I'll echo Stew (again!) and say keep it light. My skirmish rig is belt, pistol holster, 1 x fastmag pouch, one deep .308 ammo pouch for spare BBs/speedloader/grenades/spare or empty mag, 1 x 500ml water bottle. The rest of my kit (gas/sarnies/big bag of 'just in case' BBs, big bottle of water, poncho, etc) gets dumped at re-spawn in a rucksack. Polymer MP5 or similar lightweight rif and you're good to go. You don't need a load of load carrying gear as I learned the hard way when I started. Playing with all your kit on ones person led to a Skorpion/kit bag full of cheese and onion pasty... ? I play with arthritis as does my regular airsoft buddy. When our hips play up we lumber about like a pair of dinosaurs. We still enjoy ourselves. Some days all I can do is hide in a likely spot and wait for the enemy to turn up before blatting a load in the back. Good luck with your first few games. What's your local site?

Lifelong Liverpool supporter Yul Brynner was known to hate aftershave. Yul never wore cologne.

Quite agree. That's not just a 'classic,' 'pre-loved,' 'vintage' gat there, it's full on shabby chic. Got to be worth several quid over a new 'un.

G&G ETUs are notoriously crap. Mine lasted all of a morning skirmish. Perun is probably the answer, but it's not cheap.

I manged to mix human and donkey DNA today. I also got kicked out of the petting zoo.

BINGO

I joined a carpenters class the other day. We haven't made anything yet. We've only just begun.

What's got loads of balls and fucks rabbits? A shotgun...

I can't believe I've been sacked from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in!

You'll have to get a lot of du ban GI in next year @Impulse!

I've never been any good at haggling. I've paid the price, I can tell you.

I've been told to stop drinking milk. I've tested various substitutes with tea, coffee, custard, muesli, porridge, cereals and on their own. Soya, almond, oat etc. My favourite is the Bailey's.