Tactical Pith Helmet

I spent ages looking for a solution to this question. Ended up buying from the US vis Evil Bay. The boy then nabbed the bloody pouch. If I ever find it I'll put up a pick for you...

I've never taken an ugly woman to bed. I've woken up with a few mind....

Spinach and anal sex. If you were forced to have it as a child, you'll hate it as an adult...

Use what works where and how you play. My battle belt/webbing rig is a horrible mixed camo mutoid thing that works very well thanks. It cost less than £20 and serves well for skirmishes and post apocalyptic games. The solid no frills CYMAs and G&Gs do the same. Keep it functional and simple is the essential thing.

I was going to patent a method for reusing tea bags. But... Tetley have taken out a restraining order against me.

I've got a new job as a guillotine operator. I'll beheading there shortly.

Doctor 'You don't look too good. Do you smoke or drink alcohol?' Me: 'I drink it'.

Gave my wife a bucket on a rope for her birthday. It went down well.

Changed the ringtone on my alarm to the Hokey Cokey. Took me 20-minutes to get out of bed.

Money won't buy you happiness, but you do get more pleasant misery.

Bought some Oxo cubes -£9.70!!! Stock market has gone mad

How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but it takes a whole medical team to remove it.

Just got the sack as a gravedigger. They said they can never find where I've been working. I think they've lost the plot tbh.

Why does the Avon lady walk funny? Her lipstick.

As I get older I remember all of the people that I've lost. Maybe I should never have become a tour guide...

I like midwives. They help people out.

Two Englishmen arrive at llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and go for a bite to eat. As they eat, they ask the waitress how to pronounce where they are. 'Buuurrrggggerrrr Kiiinnngg,' she says slowly.

I always take a holdall for food, water, bottles of BBs etc. I only run a couple of mid-caps, 500ml water bottle and one pyro usually. I top up the water bottle, my cloth BB bag, speedloader from the holdall. Unless it's a milsim on a massive site there's no way I'm carrying much more than that. Most games I don't bother with a pistol either. I can fit the lot on a battle belt with ease. One large pouch for BBs, spare mag, speedloader. One fast pouch thing for the other spare mag, and a bottle of water in a cheapo 8fields bottle holder. Themed loadout is chicom and 56 pattern bottle on a shoulder strap. There aren't even pockets in black VC PJs and we do fine. Too much weight these days and arthritic bits start to complain. I do physio, but pain killers at the start of the day help. If the joints fucked, try to strengthen the muscles around it perhaps. I did my back a few years ago. Core strengthening helped more than physio did for me.

We had the same with Toshiba in the oil industry. Their laptops were indestructible compared with everyone else's. But by God did they cost! They also did programmes for valve operation so you could buy a complete package - at a price. Given our location it was a square deal though. You IT bods rarely fancied Lagos. Thing is... that G&G M4 is my back up rif still. AND I've lent it out a fair few times to mates with less reliable gnus. Same goes for my CYMA AK underfolder too though. Many a kid has dropped that muzzle first on something hard. Then Mrs TPH monopolized it every game. Then I hurt my back and used it instead of my RPK. The Raider is in better cosmetic nick, but the CYMA been very badly treated. I've fucked over badly holding it thrice. Pre-Brexit the Raider was £130 (Zero One), the CYMA £78 (Taiwan Gun) if memory serves. No clue what they cost now though.

The reason that I didn't mention M4s is that my first rif was a Raider. I've never needed another M4 in all the time that I've played. To throw a leftfield into the arena, the Snow Wolf K98 is my most fun gun to use. It's by far the most satisfying. I imagine that as an only rifle it might send one mad though. It depends a lot on what games you attend. If WWI themed events are on the list, an M4 is not best option.

I picked up a CYMA metal bodied Ak74SU a couple of months ago for less than £200. I would go CYMA AK/M14. I'll leave the M4 recommendations to others.

I'll take any acting role, but I hate innuendo in a script. If I see any I whip it out straight away.

Given how much 36 Pattern webbing is around in sound nick, poor load carrying should be a thing of the past! I bought a Belgian BAR set of webbing last week. Still 100% useable if old fashioned. Even Indian repro WWI kit is stronger than cheap airsoft gear. Not that 'operator' to show up with a stripper kit rig though.

I'm throwing in the towel at running my chicken dating site business. I simply can't make hens meet.

People have been nicked for disassembling rifs and spreading the bits between two vehicles. As the lady from the embassy said, 'No exceptions.' You also have to resist laughing when the German plod demand your papers, ask you your name etc. They don't have much sense of humour around firearm offences and the odd Dad's Army line may result in much trouble.* *Asking a leather trenchcoated transit policeman if he models himself on the Gestapo WILL result in trouble too. Ask my mate Del....