Tactical Pith Helmet

I use AK slings on virtually everything. For extra security you can use a large Chicago stud. Used to be less than a tenner. Still cheap.

I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk, but I never got the chants.

It's embarrassing when you have visitors and your dog wants to bury its nose in their groin. I mean my dogs a chihuahua, so I have to lift him up so he can reach.

Look at the Filmsim website. Lots to choose from.

You've never been married have you.

My wife said she thought it would be very romantic if when she dies she could be buried in her wedding dress. I said, 'You'd better hope you die of some kind of wasting disease.'

My new girlfriend saw me stacking washing powder on the shelves at the supermarket. "You told me you were a stunt pilot "she said. "I told you I was a member of the Aerial display team" I replied.

It's 'tactical unbifurcated wear,' or a 'hakama' according to whatever marketing speak one subscribes to.

My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock.

I was walking past a building site this morning and some idiot of a builder dropped a bucket of cement on me. I was mortarfied.

I've still got the body of a 25 year old. I should take it back before I get sacked from the morgue to be honest.

Accidently passed my wife Evostik instead of lipstick last night. She's still not talking to me.

Condensation kills most kit. Cold reduces the performance of batteries. Cold but dry is key when I'm away at winter games for a weekend. Keep your lipos warm indoors and don't put anything away without a thorough dry. Your better of with them on display than risking unseen dampness in a sealed hard case. Cold rifs just need a few shots to soften the hop rubber as long as you've kept the batteries warm.

These speedbumps are a joke. They slow you down if anything!

Have a butchers at these: https://www.ant-supplies.uk/gun-sling-fittings/ The classic canvas sling Ant sells is fantastic value.

One for @EvilMonkee and @Impulse

Jesus fucking wept!!!! 😭 I see they're getting around to sweeping the darkest corners of the cracker factory... 🤣 Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

TM. I like boring reliability in sports goods. You wouldn't play snooker with a cue that bent, or squash with a racquet that had rotten strings. Why use a pistol that 'sort of' works for airsoft?

I've joined a dating app for arsonists. Every day they send you new matches.

If you want to know how many bees Noah had... Check the ark hives.

Oracle on the telly, or the one ar Delphi?

Some people are never happy. My mate Dave has sex a couple of times a day, visits the gym every other day, reads two good books a week, is never on his own, and still doesn't like prison.

You have to shout 'I am the law!' each time that you draw it.

You could consider German military leather gloves. The sizing is very accurate if you measure your hands. If you wear them for a couple of days after soaking them in leather food they fit like a second skin. I wear them for themed games. About a tenner IIRC.

I'm not saying that cuts to the army are severe at the moment, but these days two's company and three's a battalion...