Shamal Posted December 19, 2022 Author Share Posted December 19, 2022 A blonde was very upset and wanted to end it all. She held a gun to her head and her boyfriend was laughing. She said to him, keep laughing you prick, you’re next. Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 I can't believe I've been sacked from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in! Shamal and Samurai 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madhouse Posted December 20, 2022 Share Posted December 20, 2022 I'm scared of being stuck in a lift with Father Christmas. I think I have Claus-trophobia. Samurai, Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 20, 2022 Author Share Posted December 20, 2022 (edited) I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts... I won’t lie, it was a rocky road Edited December 20, 2022 by Shamal Tactical Pith Helmet, Madhouse and Tackle 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 20, 2022 Share Posted December 20, 2022 What's got loads of balls and fucks rabbits? A shotgun... Shamal and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 22, 2022 Author Share Posted December 22, 2022 Our dog kept chasing people on a bike. So we took his bike off him. Then he just sat in the garden and barked all day. So we gave him his bike back. Because his bark was worse than his bike. Tackle, Tactical Pith Helmet, Cannonfodder and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 24, 2022 Author Share Posted December 24, 2022 I'll be posting some jokes Telepathically today, So if you think of something funny, that was me.🎉 merry Christmas to all. 🧑🎄 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 24, 2022 Share Posted December 24, 2022 I joined a carpenters class the other day. We haven't made anything yet. We've only just begun. Shamal and AirSniper 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted December 26, 2022 Share Posted December 26, 2022 On valentines day whats better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 28, 2022 Author Share Posted December 28, 2022 I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.👀 Tactical Pith Helmet, Tackle and AirSniper 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 29, 2022 Share Posted December 29, 2022 I manged to mix human and donkey DNA today. I also got kicked out of the petting zoo. AirSniper and Shamal 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 Lifelong Liverpool supporter Yul Brynner was known to hate aftershave. Yul never wore cologne. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 31, 2022 Author Share Posted December 31, 2022 On 30/12/2022 at 01:23, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Lifelong Liverpool supporter Yul Brynner was known to hate aftershave. Yul never wore cologne. 🤦 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 My wife was born female, she identifies as female. According to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding, she's a family of four. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 1, 2023 Author Share Posted January 1, 2023 19 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: My wife was born female, she identifies as female. According to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding, she's a family of four. I think I get it🤔 I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I think I should have used aloha setting. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 2, 2023 Share Posted January 2, 2023 Did you know that the leading cause of cancer in lab rats is research scientists? Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 2, 2023 Share Posted January 2, 2023 I had one of those Russian advent calendars this year. Each time you opened a window an oligarch fell out. Shamal and Tackle 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Tackle Posted January 2, 2023 Moderators Share Posted January 2, 2023 31 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: I had one of those Russian advent calendars this year. Each time you opened a window an oligarch fell out. Steady on comrade, I nearly had to use the "careful now" emoji 🤣 Shamal, Cannonfodder and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 2, 2023 Author Share Posted January 2, 2023 2 hours ago, Tackle said: Steady on comrade, I nearly had to use the "careful now" emoji 🤣 You have just about worn it out 😅 Tactical Pith Helmet and Tackle 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 2, 2023 Author Share Posted January 2, 2023 My doctor told me today that I’m a hypochondriac. I replied, “not that as well!!” Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 2, 2023 Share Posted January 2, 2023 Go on I dare you... Tackle and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 3, 2023 Author Share Posted January 3, 2023 A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai and gets close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." The man then asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Then he asks,"Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute Tackle, Tactical Pith Helmet and EDcase 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 3, 2023 Share Posted January 3, 2023 Two Russian soldiers are whacking a bomb with a hammer. 'You idiots,' shouts an NCO as he spots them, 'what if that goes off?' 'It's OK,' they reply, 'we've got another one.' Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zarrin Posted January 4, 2023 Share Posted January 4, 2023 Oldie but a goodie: Supposed transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Ops 10-10-95. USS Lincoln Bridge officer: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. USS Lincoln Bridge officer: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. USS Lincoln Bridge officer: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. Tactical Pith Helmet, Shamal, Madhouse and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 4, 2023 Author Share Posted January 4, 2023 I was at the races and a man whispered to me, “Would you like the winner in the next race?”. I thought fool, where on earth would I keep it, I only have a small garden Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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