Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 4, 2022 Share Posted December 4, 2022 I still owe money to Clinton, Gates, Murray & Oddie. I'm really struggling to pay my Bills. Shamal and Tackle 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 5, 2022 Share Posted December 5, 2022 Dave walked in the pub with a black eye tonight. 'How did that happen?' I asked. 'The Mrs asked if I wanted her to fix a threesome up,' he replied. 'How did that lead to a black eye?' I asked. 'I asked her to call her mum and her sister.' Shamal and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 5, 2022 Author Share Posted December 5, 2022 My mate needed a bone marrow transplant. We found a match in Argentina and the operation was a success. Our thanks go to Diego marrow donor. Tactical Pith Helmet, RostokMcSpoons and Tackle 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 6, 2022 Share Posted December 6, 2022 Another wooden ball! Would it kill the makers of avocado to have other toys? Shamal and Jedi_Master 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 6, 2022 Author Share Posted December 6, 2022 20 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Another wooden ball! Would it kill the makers of avocado to have other toys? Nope. I give up?? Lol Scientists have discovered that the first two humans were actually cocknies. Would you Adam and Eve it? SBoardley and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 5 hours ago, Shamal said: Nope. I give up?? Lol Think of Kinder Eggs. Uncle Bob came across a photo of his mother in law last night. Aunt Alice hasn't talked to him since... Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 7, 2022 Author Share Posted December 7, 2022 17 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Think of Kinder Eggs. Uncle Bob came across a photo of his mother in law last night. Aunt Alice hasn't talked to him since... Can I stop thinking about kinder eggs now? It's not helping ☹️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 4 hours ago, Shamal said: Can I stop thinking about kinder eggs now? It's not helping ☹️ You get the same 'toy' in the avocado again and again. I've got a good joke about trickle down economics; but 99% of you won't get it. Samurai 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madhouse Posted December 8, 2022 Share Posted December 8, 2022 I hear Blacks, Millets and Go Outdoors have started a price war. I think we're in for a winter of discount tents. Jedi_Master, Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 8, 2022 Author Share Posted December 8, 2022 Really regretting teaching my dog to play classical music on the piano. All day long it's Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach 19 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: You get the same 'toy' in the avocado again and again. I've got a good joke about trickle down economics; but 99% of you won't get it. Go on then. I'll get it. Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 9, 2022 Share Posted December 9, 2022 5 hours ago, Shamal said: Go on then. I'll get it. Not according to economists. 😉 Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 9, 2022 Author Share Posted December 9, 2022 I got eczema, diarrhoea, gonorrhoea and haemorrhoids last week. First time I've ever won a game of Scrabble. Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 10, 2022 Share Posted December 10, 2022 Lost my job on the bins due to alcoholism. I kept falling off the wagon. Shamal and Tackle 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 11, 2022 Author Share Posted December 11, 2022 I'm wondering if acupuncture would be a cure for my pins and needles Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 12, 2022 Author Share Posted December 12, 2022 What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re. "Dad are we pyromaniacs?" "Yes we arson" Tactical Pith Helmet and Samurai 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 13, 2022 Share Posted December 13, 2022 My Boss has threatened to sack the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me... Shamal and Samurai 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 13, 2022 Author Share Posted December 13, 2022 Never buy flowers from a monk...... Only you can prevent florist friars Adolf Hamster and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 I've become a Jehovas Bystander. It's like being a Jehovas Witness but for people who don't want to get involved. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 14, 2022 Author Share Posted December 14, 2022 17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 I've been told to stop drinking milk. I've tested various substitutes with tea, coffee, custard, muesli, porridge, cereals and on their own. Soya, almond, oat etc. My favourite is the Bailey's. Tackle, Cannonfodder and Shamal 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 15, 2022 Author Share Posted December 15, 2022 Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 16, 2022 Author Share Posted December 16, 2022 A prison guard went into work one day, and he was surprised to see one of his friends locked in a cell. He asked his friend what he was doing behind bars. “Well, I was out doing my Christmas shopping one morning," his friend explained, "and then the police handcuffed me and brought me here because they said I was getting it done too early.” “Well, that doesn't sound so bad," said the guard. "I get my Christmas shopping done by the middle of November. How early did you do yours?” His friend replied, “About three hours before the store opened"! Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 18, 2022 Author Share Posted December 18, 2022 (edited) Right.Just so everyone is clear..... I'm gonna put my glasses on..😵💫 Edited December 18, 2022 by Shamal Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted December 18, 2022 Share Posted December 18, 2022 I really don't understand this new fad of miking milk and coke It's far harder to snort off a stripper's arse Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 19, 2022 Share Posted December 19, 2022 I've never been any good at haggling. I've paid the price, I can tell you. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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