Moderators Tackle Posted October 20, 2022 Moderators Share Posted October 20, 2022 5 hours ago, Skullchewer said: Damnit! Fuck you and your functioning memory, Tackle! It's a rare thing given the average age on here 😏 Skullchewer, Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 I'm not saying the bloke that runs out local Aldi is thick but, when I asked if they could open Till 3, the manager replied.. " We're already open till 10 most nights. " Tackle, Shamal and Skullchewer 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 22, 2022 Author Share Posted October 22, 2022 Age old question. I have just discovered a McDonald’s that does an all day breakfast menu, alongside its normal menu. So I put in two orders, with one I ordered the egg McMuffin and for my second order I requested the Mcchicken sandwich. I shall therefore let you know….. Tackle, Tactical Pith Helmet and Samurai 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 I accidentally swallowed some maggots whilst fishing today. Now I'm sat in A&E waiting with baited breath. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 24, 2022 Author Share Posted October 24, 2022 I’ve got two spare tickets to the Prune Juice festival for anyone that’s not going? Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 A bad electrician charges the earth. Shamal, Skullchewer and RostokMcSpoons 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 25, 2022 Author Share Posted October 25, 2022 Well,stone the crows! I’m in trouble with the RSPB again. RostokMcSpoons, Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 26, 2022 Share Posted October 26, 2022 So what if I can’t spell Armageddon, it’s not the end of the world. Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet and RostokMcSpoons 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 26, 2022 Share Posted October 26, 2022 Marvin Gaye kept a sheep in my vineyard. He'd herd it through the grapevine. Shamal and RostokMcSpoons 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 27, 2022 Share Posted October 27, 2022 Did blindfolded archery the other day, you should try it, you don't know what you're missing! Samurai, Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 27, 2022 Share Posted October 27, 2022 My therapist says that a problem shared is a hundred quid. Shamal, Skullchewer and Jedi_Master 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 27, 2022 Author Share Posted October 27, 2022 When the doctor told me that he'd messed up my operation, my heart was in my mouth.🤔 Skullchewer and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 27, 2022 Share Posted October 27, 2022 4 hours ago, Shamal said: When the doctor told me that he'd messed up my operation, my heart was in my mouth.🤔 I almost put a sad emoji to that one. I laughed and then felt my heart in my mouth at the very thought for God's sake! 🤣 Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 28, 2022 Share Posted October 28, 2022 I told my girlfriend there’s only one thing that scares me about Halloween, she said “which is?” I said exactly! Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet and Jedi_Master 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 28, 2022 Author Share Posted October 28, 2022 Scientists have grown human vocal cords from stem cells in the laboratory. The results speak for themselves. Samurai and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 29, 2022 Share Posted October 29, 2022 If you want to play a real life version of Pac-Man then go to DFS and try and avoid the salesman. Skullchewer and Shamal 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 29, 2022 Share Posted October 29, 2022 Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go around the earth, after 24 hours they decided to call it a day. Shamal, Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 30, 2022 Author Share Posted October 30, 2022 I was intending to publish my book about the "Black Death" until I got accused of plaguerism Tactical Pith Helmet and Tackle 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 Elvis my pet mouse has died. He was caught in a trap. Tackle, Skullchewer and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madhouse Posted October 31, 2022 Share Posted October 31, 2022 When poor dolphins die they're given a porpoise funeral. Tackle, Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Tackle Posted October 31, 2022 Moderators Share Posted October 31, 2022 The guys at the Christmas cracker factory are gonna be all over this thread looking for new material. Not joking lol 👍 Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supporters Adolf Hamster Posted October 31, 2022 Supporters Share Posted October 31, 2022 34 minutes ago, Tackle said: Not joking lol Tbf, neither is anyone else in this thread..... Tackle, Skullchewer, Tactical Pith Helmet and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted November 1, 2022 Share Posted November 1, 2022 I used to work in a factory that made abacuses. I found it very counterproductive. Samurai and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted November 1, 2022 Author Share Posted November 1, 2022 An actor gets out of brand new Porsche, a lorry racing by takes the door clean off. “my Porsche, my lovely Porsche”, screams the actor. A police officer arrives & says “I can't believe you, your so focused on your possessions you haven't even noticed your right arm has been ripped off". The actor looks down & screams “oh no, my lovely Rolex". Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted November 1, 2022 Share Posted November 1, 2022 I see that Matt Hancock is going on a reality TV show. Following his example Lizz Truss is to appear on I'm a Calamity Get Me Out of Here. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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