Shamal

A South African man wakes up in a hospital in England, dazed and disoriented. The doctors barely saved his life, and asked him what happened. He replied: I'm not sure. I was in a pub, which is known as a popular place to meet and get to know locals when I saw 3 really large women at the bar talking to each other. I couldn't make out everything they said, so to be friendly, I asked them ‘Are you 3 ladies from Scotland?’ They replied ‘Wales, you feckin fool!’ So I asked again, ‘Are you 3 whales from Scotland?’ Honestly, that's the last thing I remember before waking up here

Two questions... How much? Do they do the Portsmouth area? 😉

Wow! She could give my pipes a blow through anytime🤪 I must admit I've not heard of him but I like what I've just heard. Is it bluegrass or country? I like his laid back style but it's full of complexity. There's a lot going on there. Will check out his slide stuff 👍

Nice. I'm saving my birthday money up for that one.😬

Apparently next week it will be constant rane,hale,thundre,litnin and frizzing colde. Really bad spell of weather.

You a hero man 💪😉

As above. What is it and what's the prob?

Julius Caesar and Pompey the Great were rivals for the position of First Consul of Rome. They spoke before the Senate, putting forward their cases for election to the post, by recounting their deeds in the service of Rome. “When the Gauls attacked Rome, I defended the city,” Pompey said, “and drove them out killing 100,000 Gauls.” “I invaded Gaul,” Caesar said, “and I too slew 100,000 Gauls.” So the Senate gave the position to Caesar because in Europe away Gauls count double.

I've started a new exercise routine today. Every day I do diddly-squats.

Sound of Music on again. Don't know how many times I've watched it. Must be 16 going on 17.

We had a bit of a sad Xmas. Our pet mouse Elvis died...yeah he was caught in a trap.

Yeah not really interested we have enough pansies down south. Oops just re read... pasties. Sorry lol

Who? What? Bridies🤔

Hey don't forget about the scotch pies. I'm getting real hungry now! 😉 When you see something dangerous on tv, they often say don't try this at home, so I thought I should warn you that I'm coming over to your house to try it.

They do at the event.

I think that Airsoft is a game played for fun and enjoyment. By offering a monetary prize those reasons go out of the window and it becomes a competition which some players will be desperate to win at any costs. We have all seen instances of "I hit you mate","no you didn't mate". Can you imagine how this sort of scenario would be escalated if I large prize payout was at stake. Competition is ok in the case of putting your skills to the test in a static comp by hitting targets and trying to beat the best time and accuracy of other players and the winner gets the shiny new gun. I think I would be keeping a good distance from this event.

That's very true.

Hi fella and welcome to the playground. Enjoy yourself👍 Regards

Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"

When I woke up this morning I burst out laughing. I think I must have slept funny.

Far cry 2

Bit long but persevere lol. Merry Christmas everybody An Aussie named Bazza wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a for sale' sign on it. The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition. He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. 'Well, it's quite simple,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain', and he hands Bazza a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Shazza, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. Just before they enter the house, Shazza stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes. ' No problem,' he says… And in they go. Bazza is shocked. Right in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks. Dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Bazza decides to take advantage of the situation. He leans over and kisses Shazza. No one says a word. He reaches over and fondles her breasts. Nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and takes her, right there in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mum horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He looks at her mum. She's got a great body too. Bazza grabs mum, bends her over the table, pulls down her knickers, and turns her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table. She has a big orgasm, & Bazza sits down. His girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, & mum is beaming from ear to ear. But still....Total silence. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.. Bazza remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.. Suddenly the father shouted. 'I'll do the bloody dishes!!"