Shamal

Please explain.my brain hurts now ?

Apologies for this very contrived offering. Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £10,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared... (You're going to hate me for this...) 'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 @ Tesco

I purchased a two pack of ciabatta rolls from said store last evening. They had the yellow 'reduced' sticker on. Joy of joys they had been reduced from £1.10 tooooooo,wait for it.....£1.09. Probably cost more to print bloody sticker as I pointed out to the young lady serving me. Regards

I was told it’s fine to allow your pets to sleep on your bed. But thanks to that advice, my two goldfish are now very poorly.

More tea Vicar? ? Yeah every two weeks....hang on what are we talking about? Oh yeah I try and play every Airsoft once a month.?

Thanks....ish ??

As above. Plus I think you need a bit of forum cred first. Meaning you can't just join to sell. I'm prob wrong but then again I generally am ?

Nice ?

I told my wife that she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

THE HELPFUL BIRD A man was hiking through a large forest when he suddenly found himself surrounded be a huge pack of snarling wolves! Shaking uncontrollably with fear, the man said in a trembling voice, "I'm in big trouble!!!" But just then a little bird landed on his shoulder and said in a soft pleasant soothing voice, "No, you are NOT in big trouble. Here's what you can do. See that large male wolf with the brown birth mark on his head? That's the leader wolf ?, the head of the pack. Take that branch lying on the ground beside you and stab that leader wolf with the sharp end of the branch right on that birth mark as hard as you can." "Thank you kind bird",said the man, as he bent down, picked up the stick, walked over to the leader wolf and stabbed the sharp end of the stick with all his might right on the wolf's birthmark. The bird then said, "NOW you're in big trouble!"

Yeah I can see what he means ? I guess we have all watched the war films and seen how it should be done but that all goes out the window on game days when as soon as you are out of the safe zone all the plans and strategies you made go to pot and it's everyman for himself ? I personally play for enjoyment and the freedom to approach the objectives in my own crazy way and maybe get some hits along the way and then I go home happy. I think that the last thing I want is somebody barking orders and getting uptight cause I'm not in the right place at the right time.(I would not have made a good soldier?) I've nothing against teams that want to train and home theirs skills. I guess skills equal kills? Just not for me? Regards

I was very disappointed when the limousine I ordered, didn’t come with a driver. I spent £400 and had nothing to chauffeur it ☹️

5.11 is good kit. I've had my 5.11 range bag for 15 years now and I do fill it up with mags,pistols and all manner of related gear. It's heavy but has never popped a stitch or had a zip go west.?

Touche. I see you have played this game before ?

Maybe you are gagging cause ya false chompers are moving about ???

Yep as @Speedbird_666says probably a stripped piston. Sounds like you need a new motor as well. When you say pin do you mean the terminal where the red or black wire connects? If you are handy with a soldering iron you can maybe get over that problem. Lesson learnt though? Good luck?

It was my first time at camouflage Airsoft Bournemouth and I kept seeing these large white mouldy looking balls and asked a regular player who told me they were the bio bbs. ?

There is a site I use that only allow bio and from what I have seen the bbs swell up to about 10mm and become crumbly.

The scene is a funeral wake. Several people have given moving tributes to the deceased, and now the grieving widow asks if anybody else would like to add anything. A man stands up. ‘May I say a word?’ he asks. ‘Of course,’ says the widow. ‘Plethora,’ says the man. ‘Thank You: that means a lot,’ replies the widow.

On my M4 I have the ngal on top and and have taken the open sights off. I have a T1 sight on a unity clone riser.the ngal has a good torch so no need for another. Regards

There was a fierce battle between the Cowboys and Indians. The Indians captured one of the Cowboys and took him to their village. The Indian Chief greeted the Cowboy and told him, “You must die in three days, but you get one wish per day. What is your first wish?” The Cowboy said, “Can you bring my horse?” The Indians brought the Cowboy’s horse, and the Cowboy whispered into the horse’s ear. The horse ran off to town and came back with a beautiful blonde. The Cowboy took the blonde in a teepee and made love to her. On the second day, the Chief told the Cowboy he must die in two days and asked what his second wish was. The Cowboy asked if they could bring his horse again. The Cowboy whispered in the horse’s ear again; the horse ran off to town and returned with a voluptuous redhead. The Cowboy took the redhead in a teepee and made love to her. On the third day, the Chief told the Cowboy you must die today and asked him what his third wish was. The Cowboy requested his horse again. The Chief whispered under his breath, “Crazy White Man.” The Cowboy grabbed the horse by his ears, looked straight into the horse’s eyes, and said, “Read my fucking lips; I said bring Posse!”

Or,as has happened to me,its when you stray blindly into the opfors(enemy)base and get lit up and have to retreat red faced and muttering "wankers"?? But the above answers are the correct definition ?

Talking about alternative medicine.Im wondering if accupuncture is any good for pins and needles.?

Hi bud and welcome back.? It's a shame that your pa and bro have tapered off.Its great to make it a family thing. Yeah a lot has changed but the principal is the same. Throw plastic balls at people and run! ? Enjoy your return and good luck with finding some more battle buddies ? Regards

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his: Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?" “Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." “Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name." "Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba." ..........