Shamal

So I got home early today and caught the wife in bed with my best friend. I went mad and called her some bad names and told her to pack her bags and go and live with her mother and that I wanted a divorce My best friend didn't get off lightly either. I told him "Bad dog Rover,bad dog!"and made him sleep in the garden.

A GIRLS FIRST TIME As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease of entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. You filthy minded feckers 😉

Mmmm🤔 Rather large for a weapon light. I'm sure you can get smaller 😉

Hey I'm not out of shape...I'm very nearly perfectly round.. 😉

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes: "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from HIM: "I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!"

A couple driving home hit and wounded a skunk on the road. The wife gets out and brings it back to the car. "We need to take it to a vet. It's shivering, it must be cold, what should I do?" she asks. Husband replies "Put it between your legs to keep it warm." "But it stinks!" she exclaims. "So hold its nose!"

Just attended a sheep dog trial in the Lake District 2 were acquitted and 4 were found guilty!

The battery voltage won't do anything for the FPS. A higher voltage battery will increase the rate of fire. FPS is dependant on air seal and spring. From talking to guys at games it comes at around 330 fps and some people use an 11.1v to get the high rof but I'm not sure what voltage battery is recommended. Maybe run it on 9.6v NiMH to be safe. I'm sure someone will confirm if 11.1v lipo is good or not.

I see plenty of players using the arp9 in woodland games. It's a nasty little beast with a hi rof. You may have to get a little bit closer to the bad guys but it will do the job and less tiring than a bigger gun. Also will be a dream to use in a cqb enviro. 👍

Just get an aeg and when you fire it shake your arms. Jobs a good un. 😉 Hope that helps 👍

Haha. I'm just old lol

About a month before he died, my grandfather covered his back full of lard. After that he went downhill very quickly.

Pleased to hear it. Now all you have to do is take it back to 'toys r us' 👍

Have you forgotten to take your grown up meds? 😂

My musical knowledge is so poor I thought Kanye West was a railway station and Lana Del Rey a holiday destination.

Has the mag got any gas in it?

What do you mean by "more stricter fields"

Haha What was it you didn't like at the nae? Oops where will that leave me. I'm neither!

Hi bud. Hope you enjoy your new, expensive,pastime lol. Best thing is to just go to your nearest or chosen site and get talking to the regulars. We love to talk 🙂 and that way you will soon get to know who plays on a team and then ask to tag along and find out what it's all about.👍 Or maybe get a friend interested and have a two man team that way you can play your own game at your own pace. Have fun though and remember to call ya hits👍

Why did the chicken commit suicide? So it could get to the other side.

This is the reply from Ground Zero today regarding pre event chronoing. "The results are recorded and if checked at the event and they differ from when the gun is tagged they are banned from the site and all our events for life. They also have the ability to alter their guns after they have been chronoed and the same rules apply! You do not have to have your gun done before hand if you are worried, Thanks and regards"

Pleased to have you. Enjoy👍

Yes I agree but that goes for any weekend game or milsim. If you have hundreds of people it's very difficult to keep checking players.

Ok thanks. They must have seen that it was crazy.