Shamal

Bit long but persevere lol. Merry Christmas everybody An Aussie named Bazza wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a for sale' sign on it. The bike looks better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in mint condition. He buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. 'Well, it's quite simple,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain', and he hands Bazza a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Shazza, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. Just before they enter the house, Shazza stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the FIRST person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes. ' No problem,' he says… And in they go. Bazza is shocked. Right in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks. Dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Bazza decides to take advantage of the situation. He leans over and kisses Shazza. No one says a word. He reaches over and fondles her breasts. Nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and takes her, right there in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mum horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He looks at her mum. She's got a great body too. Bazza grabs mum, bends her over the table, pulls down her knickers, and turns her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table. She has a big orgasm, & Bazza sits down. His girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, & mum is beaming from ear to ear. But still....Total silence. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.. Bazza remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.. Suddenly the father shouted. 'I'll do the bloody dishes!!"

Well I thought it was good 🙂

While booing and jeering is encouraged at a pantomime, I discovered it's not encouraged at a nursery school nativity ☹️

Just got a new job as a waiter, it’s not great, but it puts food on the table.

I’ve not been able to get an appointment at the surgery for six months, but I saw my doctor on Tuesday and showed him my haemorrhoids. However, he just ignored me and continued pushing his shopping trolley.🤪

I ended a long term relationship today......I'm not too bothered,it wasn't mine.

Hello and welcome back to the fold 👍 Enjoy your respawn 🙂 Regards

It's been so cold in our house just lately that the toilet duck has flown south for the winter.

Practice bud 👍 We have all done the spillage of bbs. With a high cap mag the quickest way to fill it is direct from the bottle. With practice you can hold the top of the mag with one hand which forms a sort of funnel to guide the bbs into the fill hatch. I think it is harder to use a bag especially in the heat of battle. You can get hi capacity speed loaders but that can be a slow noisy job. In time you will get more proficient and loose less bbs and also your trigger finger will get lighter and you won't be firing off so many😉

Is that my hit marks or hers? 😂

I do have access to a makeshift chrono. It's called the wife. Now,depending on how loud she yells or how hard she punches me after being shot in the butt,I can roughly determine how hot or not a gat is running. Use this method at your own risk.....😉

A Russian agent arrives at a small Welsh station and asks for Mr Jones. “Well,” says the stationmaster, “there’s Jones the Milk, Jones the Meat, Jones the Flowers, Jones the Undertaker. In fact, my name’s Jones.” The agent whispers to him, “The eagle doesn’t walk over the mountain.” “Ah,” says the stationmaster, “you want Jones the Spy.”

Same as mine. Came with the tripod and works well.

Love scotch pies 👍

Not true. I bought Mrs Shamal a cook book last Christmas. Nothing has changed. 😂😂

Arnie has twenty letters.

Tell them to give it back now or you are telling ya mam!!

Someone has opened the Christmas crackers early..... Lol

Contact engineering at its best 👍

A sister and her little brother are attending the first day of primary school in a one-room country school. The teacher is having all the students stand and give their names. When it’s the sister’s turn, she stands and says, “My name is Snotty Jones.” “No,” says the teacher. “I don’t want you to give us your nickname, I want your real given name.” “But, teacher,” says the girl, “That IS my real name! Everybody has called me that for my whole life!” “Well, that’s just not possible, and if you don’t know what the name on your birth certificate is, I’m going to have to send you home to get it.” “Okay, I guess that’s what I have to do,” the girl says and gathers her belongings. As she walks by her little brother’s desk, she says, “C’mon, Shitty, she’s not going to believe you, either"

Hi fella and welcome to the fun palace that is afuk 🙂 Come on in,look around but don't break anything and leave it tidy when you leave.😉 Regards 👍

Crikey is the ACME manufacturing co still going? I though they had folded when they lost Wile E.Coyote and Bugs Bunnys' business.😉