Tell Us a Gag. Please!

[Skullchewer]

And what do you call a man WITHOUT a shovel in his head?

[Tackle]

2 minutes ago, Skullchewer said:

And what do you call a man WITHOUT a shovel in his head?

Dugless ? 

[Shamal]

18 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

What do you call a man without a dog?

 

 

 

Dogless...

Mmm.

I couldn't find an embarresed laugh smiley so reluctantly gave the haha.

?

25 minutes ago, Tackle said:

Dugless ? 

Stop now!

 

I am a little concerned about my friend, as he told me this morning, "I saw a badger on the way to work."
It’s lovely to see some native wildlife, but what I’m concerned about is, how the fuck did he know it was on it's way to work??

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I did a stand up routine for a talent show once.

 

I had a damn good joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set.  

[Guest]

What do you call an elevator that stops on floor 12 when you press the floor 10 button, floor 7 when you press the floor 2 button, and floor 3 when you press the floor 5 button?

 

 

 

 

Wrong on so many levels ??

[Shamal]

Apparently the sisters at the local convent here in Waterlooville are furious.

It seems that their central heating is on the fritz and it is very very warm there.

What you might call hot,cross nuns.

 

?

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Whenever my Uncle Bob gets angry,  he plays his bongos in the loft until he calms down. 

 

It's all a little drum attic if you ask me.  

[Skullchewer]

What bear is the most condescending?

 

A Pan-duh

[Shamal]

6 hours ago, Skullchewer said:

What bear is the most condescending?

 

A Pan-duh

That's actually quite good ?

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I hear that Yoko Ono has a daughter who sells Japanese dresses.

 

Kim...

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Someone has glued my pack of playing cards together! 

 

I don't know how to deal with it. 

 

 

[Shamal]

 My Aunt Marge has been ill for so long we've decided to change her name to "I Can't Believe She's Not Better"?

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Nicola Sturgeon is apparently being spoken to by the police about leaving the house without a mask.

 

I  know she's no oil painting but I think it's a bit harsh. 

Edited April 19, 2022 by Tactical Pith Helmet

[Shamal]

21 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

Nicola Sturgeon is apparently being spoken to about leaving the house without a mask.

 

I  know she's no oil painting but I think it's a bit harsh. 

I think I would insist on mask,paper bag and another paper bag in case the first one splits.

[Shamal]

Two for the price of one?

 

The only idea that flat earthers fear...

...is sphere itself. ?

 

If I break the laws of geometry,do I go to prism....?

 

 

 

 

 

[John_W]

[Shamal]

I'm really pleased with my new vegetable patch.

 

I haven't had the desire to eat a vegetable in weeks. ?

[Skullchewer]

42 minutes ago, Shamal said:

I'm really pleased with my new vegetable patch.

 

I haven't had the desire to eat a vegetable in weeks. ?

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

You don't need patches.  Take me for example.  I've given up smoking loads of times.  

[Guest]

There once was a child called Adam

Whose intelligence rated not very much

He got very upset, when I wouldn’t sell him a toy.

The  end

[Tackle]

1 hour ago, rocketdogbert said:

There once was a child called Adam

Whose intelligence rated not very much

He got very upset, when I wouldn’t sell him a toy.

The  end

There's more to this gag ? 

Probably warrants a thread of its own ?

Do tell ?

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Tackle said:

There's more to this gag ? 

Probably warrants a thread of its own ?

Do tell ?

There might be, but I’m not getting any further involved.

You know if I had anything for sale it would be in the classifieds of course ?

[Cannonfodder]

[Tackle]

1 hour ago, Cannonfodder said:

Loving the bog roll, typical russki hi-tech set up ?

[Cannonfodder]

At primary school I got in trouble for pissing in the class rubbish bin. 

 

It's a shame as I had a great teaching career ahead of me