Shamal Posted February 2, 2023 Author Share Posted February 2, 2023 People are far too judgemental these days! I can tell by just looking at them.. Tactical Pith Helmet and RostokMcSpoons 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock. Madhouse, RostokMcSpoons and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 4, 2023 Author Share Posted February 4, 2023 44 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock. Like it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 5, 2023 Author Share Posted February 5, 2023 I put a bet on yesterday, a treble, which the manager of the betting shop tipped me. Sunshine 10-1 Good Times 7-2 Moonlight 9-4 I put £50 on, and they all lost. But I can't blame it on Sunshine, can't blame it on Moonlight, can't blame it on Good Times, I blame it on the Bookie SBoardley and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 My new girlfriend saw me stacking washing powder on the shelves at the supermarket. "You told me you were a stunt pilot "she said. "I told you I was a member of the Aerial display team" I replied. Tackle, Shamal and Jedi_Master 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 Having made a ouija board entirely out of probiotic yoghurt pots, a friend asked me if I was dabbling in the Yakult.👀 RostokMcSpoons, Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 7, 2023 Share Posted February 7, 2023 My wife said she thought it would be very romantic if when she dies she could be buried in her wedding dress. I said, 'You'd better hope you die of some kind of wasting disease.' RostokMcSpoons and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 It's embarrassing when you have visitors and your dog wants to bury its nose in their groin. I mean my dogs a chihuahua, so I have to lift him up so he can reach. Tackle, Shamal, RostokMcSpoons and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 10, 2023 Share Posted February 10, 2023 I always wanted to be a Gregorian monk, but I never got the chants. RostokMcSpoons, Shamal and Tackle 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 11, 2023 Author Share Posted February 11, 2023 STAY AWAY FROM WEYMOUTH I witnessed some terrible behaviour by the seafront from a couple arguing in front of a load of kids. It started off as an argument but soon escalated to violence. The police attended the situation, the lead police officer tried to placate the couple but had no choice but to use his baton on the bloke, but the bloke managed to snatch the baton and started hitting the police officer and the woman with it. Then a crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages. Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 12, 2023 Share Posted February 12, 2023 Went to a pole dancing club tonight. Bit rubbish really. Every dance was a polka. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madhouse Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 One from the boy today: How do you get Pikachu on a bus … . . . . . . … Poke-him-on Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 13, 2023 Author Share Posted February 13, 2023 I went back to Sainsbury’s, asking for a refund on a Winebox I bought. It says 'Once opened will last for 6 weeks’ It was empty after 2 days😵💫 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 14, 2023 Share Posted February 14, 2023 (edited) 5 hours ago, Shamal said: I went back to Sainsbury’s, asking for a refund on a Winebox I bought. It says 'Once opened will last for 6 weeks’ It was empty after 2 days😵💫 Glad to hear you're cutting back on the booze a touch! Does anyone know the amount of calories burnt whilst swimming in debt? Edited February 14, 2023 by Tactical Pith Helmet Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 14, 2023 Author Share Posted February 14, 2023 20 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Glad to hear you're cutting back on the booze a touch! Does anyone know the amount of calories burnt whilst swimming in debt? I don't know about calories but I'm having trouble keeping my head above water! I went to a pub in Yorkshire and brought home some of their souvenirs. I bought a beermat, a glass, a box of matches and serviettes. A lot of Ilkley Moor Bar tat. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 16, 2023 Share Posted February 16, 2023 I'm in the hospital after being diagnosed with bad camouflage disease. They've just moved me to ICU. Shamal and Panama 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 17, 2023 Share Posted February 17, 2023 Watched that Iranian remake of Rocky tonight. Good film, but the theme songs stuck in my head. I can't stop humming Ayatollah of the Tiger. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 17, 2023 Author Share Posted February 17, 2023 I've just renamed my WiFi network to "police surveillance van #1” That should keep the neighbours on their toes for a while! TobiasC95, Tactical Pith Helmet and Tackle 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 19, 2023 Author Share Posted February 19, 2023 I was at the beach and saw a man out past the breakers flapping his arms about and yelling "HELP! SHARK! HELP!" And I chuckled to myself, "There's no way that shark is gonna help him!" Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 I spent the weekend learning to meditate. It beats sitting there doing nothing. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 20, 2023 Author Share Posted February 20, 2023 3 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: I spent the weekend learning to meditate. It beats sitting there doing nothing. Nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 Just read an incredible 13th Century account of a feudal uprising where a duke’s son was killed by rebels who used a trebuchet to knock him off the battlements with the only available ordnance: a peasant’s decapitated head. Apparently it was the first serf-face-to-heir missile. Tackle, Shamal and Jedi_Master 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supporters Tackle Posted February 20, 2023 Supporters Share Posted February 20, 2023 26 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Just read an incredible 13th Century account of a feudal uprising where a duke’s son was killed by rebels who used a trebuchet to knock him off the battlements with the only available ordnance: a peasant’s decapitated head. Apparently it was the first serf-face-to-heir missile. Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 21, 2023 Author Share Posted February 21, 2023 7 hours ago, Tackle said: Haha. No to be fair it was well contrived😂 Tackle 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 21, 2023 Author Share Posted February 21, 2023 I've just checked my home insurance policy, and apparently if my duvet is stolen in the middle of the night, l'm not covered.☹️ Tackle, TobiasC95 and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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