Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 5, 2023 Share Posted January 5, 2023 I've been asked to sing at Putin's birthday party. I've been practicing Crimea River for weeks. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 5, 2023 Author Share Posted January 5, 2023 A group of eunuchs were serving as guards for an Ottoman palace, as was customary. One day, a robber went up to the eunuch guards and drew his sword. The eunuchs all ran away in terror, and the robber broke into the palace and looted it. The next day, another robber went up to the eunuchs unarmed and shouted at them. The eunuchs again ran away in terror and the robber looted the palace. The next day, the sultan of the palace dismissed the eunuchs and hired soldiers to guard the palace instead. The sultan's wife asked him, “Why did you get rid of the eunuchs?" The sultan replied, "They didn't have the balls to stand up to the robbers Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 7, 2023 Share Posted January 7, 2023 I see Prince William has been accused of not knowing when to stop playing knock down ginger.... Seriously, at his age. Jedi_Master, Cannonfodder and Shamal 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 7, 2023 Author Share Posted January 7, 2023 This year I’m going to be a bit smarter about how I do things, instead of driving 2 minutes down the road to get petrol, I’m gonna walk. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 8, 2023 Author Share Posted January 8, 2023 The mother-in-law came round unexpectedly today. Tomorrow I'm gonna have to find some more reliable chloroform. Tactical Pith Helmet, Cannonfodder and Jedi_Master 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted January 8, 2023 Share Posted January 8, 2023 The missus caught me sat on the sofa knocking one out and surprisingly wasn't angry. I just wish the staff in DFS were as open minded Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 Wife: 'I want another baby.' Me: 'Thank fuck for that, I can't stand this one!' Jedi_Master, Shamal, Skullchewer and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 Unexpected explosion at a cheese factory in France. Da Brie all over the place. Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted January 9, 2023 Share Posted January 9, 2023 Just found out that cock fighting is done by chickens, That's 6 months of practising wasted. Cannonfodder, Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 You all heard about the non binary gold prospector? Dug up a fortune in them their hills Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 10, 2023 Author Share Posted January 10, 2023 In a freak accident yesterday at a local wedding, a photographer was injured when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him. Skullchewer and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 11, 2023 Author Share Posted January 11, 2023 Got a Chinese take out last night and as I got in the car I heard the bag rustle, so looked over and saw a pair of eyes looking out of the top of bag at me, then disappear back inside. I was so scared I nearly said profanities! I looked again, saw the eyes looking out at me then disappear again, so grabbed the bag and ran back into the shop. I asked the guy behind the counter “what the fuck was going on?!” he said "you asked for the Peking duck…” Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 12, 2023 Share Posted January 12, 2023 Germans prefer sauerkraut to Vladimir Putin. The sauerkraut actually gives them gas... Cannonfodder and AirSniper 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted January 13, 2023 Share Posted January 13, 2023 On 12/01/2023 at 00:51, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Germans prefer sauerkraut to Vladimir Putin. The sauerkraut actually gives them gas... A very sour kraut gave 6 million of them gas Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France 7 times whilst on drugs. That's impressive, usually when I'm on drugs I can't even find my bike Shamal, Skullchewer and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 14, 2023 Share Posted January 14, 2023 I've been using a treadmill for the past few weeks, but I tell you what. I'm not getting anywhere... Shamal and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 14, 2023 Author Share Posted January 14, 2023 Well on a similar note. I had my first gym session after the Christmas hols last night. Instructor was shouting..." Push it, push it, come on one more big push". Finally he came and opened the door for me. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Shamal Posted January 16, 2023 Author Popular Post Share Posted January 16, 2023 I was doing some biological research on ants and discovered you can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water. If it sinks: girl ant. If it floats: boy ant. Tackle, Skullchewer, Dan Robinson and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted January 16, 2023 Share Posted January 16, 2023 I just watched a sequel to The Passion of the Christ. It's called I Know What You Did Last Supper. Shamal, Cannonfodder and Skullchewer 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted January 16, 2023 Share Posted January 16, 2023 In 3027 years time life will be amazing or really bad. It's 5050 Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 16, 2023 Author Share Posted January 16, 2023 14 minutes ago, Cannonfodder said: In 3027 years time life will be amazing or really bad. It's 5050 Forward thinking at it's best 🙂 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirSniper Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madhouse Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 Had an accident at work and tragically lost three fingers on my hand. Asked the surgeon if I'll still be able to drive, he said "maybe, but I wouldn't count on it" Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted January 17, 2023 Author Share Posted January 17, 2023 Went to interview for new job.manager said "the starting pay is £30,000, Later it can go up to £50,000." "That's Great" I said I’ll start later.” Tactical Pith Helmet and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Tackle Posted January 17, 2023 Moderators Share Posted January 17, 2023 Tactical Pith Helmet, John_W, Cannonfodder and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Tackle Posted January 18, 2023 Moderators Share Posted January 18, 2023 Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet and The Waco Kid 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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