Tactical Pith Helmet Posted August 29, 2022 Share Posted August 29, 2022 My wife's been invited to a reggae night. 'Will you help with my hair?' She asked. TBH I'm dreading it. BigBell1987 and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 Well my wife was getting ready for a party and asked me "does my bum look big in this" I replied "yes, but to be fair, it is a small bathroom" 😵💫 Cannonfodder, BigBell1987 and concretesnail 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigBell1987 Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 Man walks into a pet shop and approaches the clerk. "I wanna buy a wasp" Clerk responds "We don't sell wasps" Man replies "But you have one in the window" Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 I have just been watching a Christmas Carol with Patrick Stewart. …. But I’ve got no idea how he got into my house 🤔 Tactical Pith Helmet, BigBell1987 and AirSniper 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 31, 2022 Author Share Posted August 31, 2022 Present. I bought my friend a present of an elephant for his room. He thanked me for the gift, but I told him “not to mention it”. SBoardley, Tactical Pith Helmet and AirSniper 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 Just played football with the little lad next door. My neighbour screamed at me to buy a proper ball. Shamal and BigBell1987 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 3, 2022 Author Share Posted September 3, 2022 If you boil a funny bone for two hours you will get a laughing stock. EDcase, AirSniper, BigBell1987 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 4, 2022 Author Share Posted September 4, 2022 100 years ago nearly everyone had a horse and cars were for the rich. Today nearly everyone has a car and horses are for the rich. My how the stables have turned. 🤪 Tactical Pith Helmet and AirSniper 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 4, 2022 Share Posted September 4, 2022 I'm absolutely knackered from my French self-defence class last night. I've never run so fast in all my life. AirSniper, BigBell1987 and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 Just wait till you get to level 2, collaborate Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet and BigBell1987 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 5, 2022 Author Share Posted September 5, 2022 Somebody rang me earlier, sneezed a couple of times then hung up. These cold calls are really annoying. AirSniper, Tactical Pith Helmet, BigBell1987 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 7, 2022 Author Share Posted September 7, 2022 Went swimming the other day and had a cheeky pee near the deep end. The lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in!! EDcase, BigBell1987, Tactical Pith Helmet and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 7, 2022 Share Posted September 7, 2022 Aunt Doris didn’t have sex at all, not a thing until she was 67. And that was cos she'd no small change for the window cleaner. Shamal and AirSniper 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirSniper Posted September 8, 2022 Share Posted September 8, 2022 Shamal, BigBell1987 and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 Stayed up all last night trying to remember if I had insomnia or amnesia. AirSniper, BigBell1987 and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 10, 2022 Author Share Posted September 10, 2022 I went to my Doctor and asked for help because I’m getting married soon and I can’t get over my fear of wedding vows, I was hoping he would know of a cure. He replied with “I can’t say I do” And I thought “oh no, not him as well!” AirSniper, BigBell1987 and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 Two flies are playing football in a saucer. One says to the other: “Make an effort, we’re playing in the cup tomorrow." BigBell1987 and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 11, 2022 Author Share Posted September 11, 2022 9 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Two flies are playing football in a saucer. One says to the other: “Make an effort, we’re playing in the cup tomorrow." Omg! Barrel,scraping,bottom. 😉😂😂 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 A blonde wslks into an electronics shop and says to the salesman "I want to buy this tv". The salesman replies "I'm sorry but we dont serve blondes". Upset she leaves and comes back the next day with her hair dyed brown, but once again the salesman sends her away saying they don't serve blondes. The third day she comes back with her hair dyed black. Again the salesman tells her that they don't serve blondes. Confused she asks how the salesman knew that she was blonde to which he replies "because that tv is a microwave" BigBell1987, Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 11, 2022 Author Share Posted September 11, 2022 Two ants on top of a cornflakes box. One is running like the clappers around the top.the first ant stops him and says "what the hell are you doing" the other ant replies" well it says tear around dotted line" From the same era as the flies in a saucer.😂😂😂👍 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 I wish that fat people had an easier time of it. I mean, they've got a lot on their plates. Shamal, BigBell1987 and RostokMcSpoons 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RostokMcSpoons Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 55 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: I mean, they've got a lot on their plates. ... not for long! Tactical Pith Helmet and BigBell1987 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 12, 2022 Author Share Posted September 12, 2022 20 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: I wish that fat people had an easier time of it. I mean, they've got a lot on their plates. Had me scratching my head all day. Didn't realise there was more. 😂 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 12, 2022 Author Share Posted September 12, 2022 Stopped off at the pub on way home tonight for a quick pint of peroni. The barman put it on counter and I took a big swig and said "I shouldn't really be drinking this with what I've got" Barman said "I'm sorry to hear that,what have you got?" "£0.80 pence" I replied. Cannonfodder and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 12, 2022 Share Posted September 12, 2022 Your call is important to us... But not important enough for us to employ a sufficient number of staff to answer it. Jedi_Master, Shamal and Cannonfodder 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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