Moderators Tackle Posted August 14, 2022 Moderators Share Posted August 14, 2022 Tactical Pith Helmet, Shamal and John_W 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 14, 2022 Author Share Posted August 14, 2022 Allotment mystery. Over the last three weeks, I’ve discovered someone has been dumping soil on my allotment. I have tried to catch who’s doing it, but have had no joy. The plot thickens. Tackle, Floperator and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted August 14, 2022 Share Posted August 14, 2022 Went to the bulimia clinic today. It was heaving. Cannonfodder, Shamal and Tackle 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 15, 2022 Author Share Posted August 15, 2022 Dress code. I was called into my manager’s office over the weekend because of my dress code. He told me that I wasn’t allowed to wear pyjamas for work. So I replied “everyone else does” To which he replied “that’s because they are patients". Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted August 16, 2022 Share Posted August 16, 2022 This must be a worrying time for anyone who has dumped bodies in a reservoir... Shamal and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted August 16, 2022 Share Posted August 16, 2022 9 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: This must be a worrying time for anyone who has dumped bodies in a reservoir... https://www.independent.co.uk/climate-change/news/lake-mead-mob-body-barrel-b2144152.html Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 16, 2022 Author Share Posted August 16, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, Cannonfodder said: https://www.independent.co.uk/climate-change/news/lake-mead-mob-body-barrel-b2144152.html Fuck! That's a bit of a coincidence you saying that Mr Helmet 🤔😂 Edited August 16, 2022 by Shamal Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted August 17, 2022 Share Posted August 17, 2022 I have the right to remain silent, capiche? Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 17, 2022 Author Share Posted August 17, 2022 When I asked what body wash they prefer to use in the shower, 8 out of 10 women said: "How the hell did you get in here!" Tactical Pith Helmet and concretesnail 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted August 17, 2022 Share Posted August 17, 2022 Did you get the know that there's no Canaries on the Canary Islands? Its the same as the Virgin Isles, not a single Canary there either Tactical Pith Helmet, Samurai and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted August 17, 2022 Share Posted August 17, 2022 Just failed my RAF entrance exam. Bomb bay doors are not an Indian tribute act apparently. Shamal, Cannonfodder and Jedi_Master 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 Cloning machine. To whoever stole my cloning machine, I hope you are pleased with yourself. Samurai, RostokMcSpoons, Enid_Puceflange and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 The lad came home from school with two armchairs and a sofa. I clipped him round the ear for taking suites from a stranger. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 19, 2022 Author Share Posted August 19, 2022 Well my boy got sent home from school yesterday because the boy sitting next to him was smoking. I was straight up the school to confront the teacher. He said "To be fair,it was your son that set him alight" doh!! Tactical Pith Helmet and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted August 20, 2022 Share Posted August 20, 2022 'The parking costs too much...' 'This coffee costs too much...' 'This sandwich costs too much...' FFS, if they don't like it they should visit another grandparent! Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 My wife's off to a party tonight. The invite said 'dress to kill.' She's gone as Rose West. Cannonfodder and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 22, 2022 Author Share Posted August 22, 2022 I went to a fancy dress party with a Durex on my nose. The host asked what I had come as. "Fuck knows" I replied. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 23, 2022 Author Share Posted August 23, 2022 My mate slippery Sid got sent down last week for something he didn't do....... He didn't wear gloves. Cannonfodder and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 The man who invented personalised number plates has passed away. His funeral takes place at the crematorium on TUE504Y at 1pm. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 24, 2022 Author Share Posted August 24, 2022 The vet just informed us our pet goat won’t be able to have offspring. Honestly No kidding. Tactical Pith Helmet and Samurai 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 What the fuck is it with hedgehogs? Why can't they share the damn hedge? Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 Thought I found the remains of a dinosaur yesterday; turns out it was a fossil arm Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 27, 2022 Author Share Posted August 27, 2022 17 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Thought I found the remains of a dinosaur yesterday; turns out it was a fossil arm I had to think hard on that for couple mins lol Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted August 28, 2022 Share Posted August 28, 2022 I think my chronic masterbating addiction has returned. It's ok though, I've beaten it before and will beat it again Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet, Tackle and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted August 29, 2022 Author Share Posted August 29, 2022 For all those that have said they don’t like my jokes, maybe it’s because all my terrible jokes are in English, here’s one in Spanish... .....Uno Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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