Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 Sad news that a young chef has been admitted to hospital after accidentally rubbing herbs into his eyes. Poor chap is now only parsley sighted. Shamal and SBoardley 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 21, 2022 Share Posted May 21, 2022 The window cleaner is outside the house swearing his head off. He's completely lost his rag. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 22, 2022 Author Share Posted May 22, 2022 So the last time I visited Blackpool, I went on a donkey... It took fecking ages! In hindsight I should have driven . Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Tackle Posted May 22, 2022 Moderators Share Posted May 22, 2022 A man applies for a job at a gorilla sanctuary . At the interview the sanctuary owner says to him “ I will be needing someone to help me cull the amount of gorillas here your reference seems ok so what else would you require to do the job”.. The man replies “nothing much just a shotgun I already have a dog with me oh and I will need you to come along for a bit of assistance “ . “Ok I will see you first thing in the morning “ Next morning the two men are out in the sanctuary and the owner says “ right today we need to get rid of some silverbacks there’s one in that tree we can start there what would you like me to do” “If you hold the gun I will sort the rest “ With that the man walks over to the tree and shakes it and the gorilla falls out. Suddenly the dog bolts over and shags the gorilla to death ! “Right onto the next one” says the rather supprised but satisfied owner “that one in the tree there . Is there anything I can do?” says the owner “Just hold the gun I will do the rest“ replies the man . Same again he walks to the tree shakes it, gorilla falls out dog shags gorilla to death . They get to the end of the day and the owner says “Right last one for today, that oversized silverback has been a problem lately so we will finish with him are you sure there is’nt anything I can do?“ “Just hold the gun” the man replies. The man walks over and shakes the tree but nothing happens! He walks back to the owner shaking his head , taking off his coat and rolling his sleeves up. “What are you going to do now?” asks the owner “Well he won’t come down so I’m going have to go up and wrestle him out” replies the man “What do want me to do?” asks the owner “If I fall out the tree shoot the dog!! SBoardley, Tactical Pith Helmet, Floperator and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 22, 2022 Author Share Posted May 22, 2022 1 hour ago, Tackle said: A man applies for a job at a gorilla sanctuary . At the interview the sanctuary owner says to him “ I will be needing someone to help me cull the amount of gorillas here your reference seems ok so what else would you require to do the job”.. The man replies “nothing much just a shotgun I already have a dog with me oh and I will need you to come along for a bit of assistance “ . “Ok I will see you first thing in the morning “ Next morning the two men are out in the sanctuary and the owner says “ right today we need to get rid of some silverbacks there’s one in that tree we can start there what would you like me to do” “If you hold the gun I will sort the rest “ With that the man walks over to the tree and shakes it and the gorilla falls out. Suddenly the dog bolts over and shags the gorilla to death ! “Right onto the next one” says the rather supprised but satisfied owner “that one in the tree there . Is there anything I can do?” says the owner “Just hold the gun I will do the rest“ replies the man . Same again he walks to the tree shakes it, gorilla falls out dog shags gorilla to death . They get to the end of the day and the owner says “Right last one for today, that oversized silverback has been a problem lately so we will finish with him are you sure there is’nt anything I can do?“ “Just hold the gun” the man replies. The man walks over and shakes the tree but nothing happens! He walks back to the owner shaking his head , taking off his coat and rolling his sleeves up. “What are you going to do now?” asks the owner “Well he won’t come down so I’m going have to go up and wrestle him out” replies the man “What do want me to do?” asks the owner “If I fall out the tree shoot the dog!! Mmm. What breed of dog was it please? Was this in England? Regards Tackle 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Tackle Posted May 22, 2022 Moderators Share Posted May 22, 2022 7 minutes ago, Shamal said: Mmm. What breed of dog was it please? Was this in England? Regards Why ?, you feeling horny 😜 Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 22, 2022 Author Share Posted May 22, 2022 4 minutes ago, Tackle said: Why ?, you feeling horny 😜 Haha. I just knew as I typed that exactly what you would say. And I was right. 🤣🤣 Regards Tackle 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 23, 2022 Share Posted May 23, 2022 Our local bakery is expanding and hiring more staff. They have many roles that need filling. Tackle 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 24, 2022 Author Share Posted May 24, 2022 Well there is a bakery somewhere near me that sell the most wonderful bread. It's location is kept secret to all but a few. Its on a knead to dough basis. 🤦 Tactical Pith Helmet and Jedi_Master 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supporters Adolf Hamster Posted May 24, 2022 Supporters Share Posted May 24, 2022 must admit, some of these bread jokes are a bit stale..... Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 24, 2022 Author Share Posted May 24, 2022 31 minutes ago, Adolf Hamster said: must admit, some of these bread jokes are a bit stale..... Ouch! 🙂 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supporters Adolf Hamster Posted May 24, 2022 Supporters Share Posted May 24, 2022 11 minutes ago, Shamal said: Ouch! 🙂 Just because it came up when meme fishing; What do you call a broken can opener? A can't opener..... Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 24, 2022 Author Share Posted May 24, 2022 2 hours ago, Adolf Hamster said: Just because it came up when meme fishing; What do you call a broken can opener? A can't opener..... That's actually quite good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 24, 2022 Author Share Posted May 24, 2022 I went greyhound racing last night. Wow those things are fast....I lost every race. Tactical Pith Helmet, Floperator and Skullchewer 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 24, 2022 Share Posted May 24, 2022 15 hours ago, Adolf Hamster said: must admit, some of these bread jokes are a bit stale..... I'm going to eat different types of bread all week. Roll on Friday! Shamal and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Head Moderator Jedi_Master Posted May 25, 2022 Head Moderator Share Posted May 25, 2022 What do you call an Irish baker? A ginger breadman. Skullchewer, Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supporters Popular Post Adolf Hamster Posted May 25, 2022 Supporters Popular Post Share Posted May 25, 2022 a scientist at the lhc managed to get caught in the cooling system, when they got to him his body temperature had dropped to -273.15°C fortunately he was 0k Tactical Pith Helmet, Floperator, SBoardley and 2 others 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 25, 2022 Author Share Posted May 25, 2022 Carrying on the science thing.... A neutron walks into a pub and asks how much for a beer. The landlord replies, “For you, no charge.” 🤭 Tactical Pith Helmet and SBoardley 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 The best part about being a scientist is having your hard work and research questioned by people who spent every science class peeling glue from their hands. Sebza and Shamal 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Shamal Posted May 27, 2022 Author Popular Post Share Posted May 27, 2022 Got the wife a new fridge for her birthday. You should have seen her face light up when she opened it.😂 Sebza, Tackle, Tactical Pith Helmet and 4 others 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 27, 2022 Share Posted May 27, 2022 I really struggled with my helium addiction. No one took my cries for help seriously. SBoardley, Shamal and Jedi_Master 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 28, 2022 Author Share Posted May 28, 2022 Funnily enough I've been reading a book about helium. I just can't put it down. SBoardley and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 28, 2022 Share Posted May 28, 2022 Bloody cyclists... I've created a few I can tell you. Shamal and SBoardley 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 29, 2022 Author Share Posted May 29, 2022 I was looking out of the lounge window yesterday and I saw a wolf. I called Mrs shamal "come quick there is a wolf in the garden" she came dashing in at her usual slow crawl,looked and said "where?" I said "no it's a normal one" Regards Jedi_Master, SBoardley and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 29, 2022 Share Posted May 29, 2022 Caught the lad messing about with live electricity again. I've grounded him until he learns to conduct himself properly. SBoardley, Jedi_Master and Shamal 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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