Shamal

Little known fact that bees were the last to emerge from Noah's ark, because he kept them in the ark hives.

Don't take the pisse! 😂

Haha. Well I enjoyed it lol.

The latter ☹️

Exactly that. I took my now, wife, for a birthday surprise to the south downs sporting club for her birthday. Two hours of clay pigeon shooting. It only took a couple of weeks for the bruises to fade...mine and hers! 😂

Now get to your room until you learn some respect 😂

🙂 Oops wrong person 🤪

Good evening and welcome to the golden shot. Look what you could have won......I gotta stop watching reruns of crappy game shows! Welcome to the mad house fella.🤪 Take it easy and don't get too many kills in your first game cause you won't be invited back!😉 Enjoy and call ya hits 👍 Regards

Just a spoilt rich brat an I'm not even looking at your silly collection 😭 Pretty good though.😉

I went to a charity bash organised by the R.N.L.I. today. It was amazing. They certainly know how to push the boat out

Can you wear a pair of m4's to work to earn money? No. Can you wear a pair of 1911's to the shops to get food for the table? No. Will a pair of sniper rifles allow you to get to the washing machine to wash your filthy clothes? No. Be prepared to have a reply for when these questions get fired at you cause they will 😂😂

I don't know if it's true but I heard that you had all your pockets surgically removed.😂😂

How about the tappet plate sprung. Not many choices left really 🤔

Bet it's off the arl.

I used to be a complete knob...until the accident....sorry, I don't want to talk about it.😂😂

That's a nice nit of kit but a hefty price tag. I think that even if it is cloned it's still gonna be very pricey. I need to invest in an ice suit and refrigerated helmet that'll mess with it.😂

One evening, Jesus walks into a flash restaurant with his 12 disciples following him in. The Maitre D greets him and says: “Good evening sir, how can we help you today?” Jesus responds: “Yes, we’d like a table for 26 please” The Maitre D looks confused for a second, before gathering his composure: “But sir, there are only 13 of you?” Jesus responds: “Ahh, yes…. but we’re all going to sit on one side of the table”.

I’ve just realised, I have one pair of running shoes but unfortunately I also own sixteen pairs of eating ones.

That address is on street view. It has a box trailer on drive with busfest written on it and some other writing.

What possible reason would anyone need to put tape on a frog??

All round yours for dinner then 😉

A wife sends her husband an SMS on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen". The husband sent an answer back: "Pour some warm water over them". Sometime later husband receives an answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now"

We didn't have much as kids but I remember one birthday was spent down the launderette. The highlight of the day was playing pass the Persil.

I asked this elderly man why he was using two massive frozen chips as walking sticks. He replied: “They’re McCains!”