Shamal

A high-wire act isn’t something you can do straight away. It’s something that has to be taught.

Hi bud. Put an ad in the wanted section of the classifieds. You may get lucky ? Regards

Well spotted mate. What put you on to them?

Hello. Is there anybody out there??

That's nice.?

Hi bud. Did you get your bloc eyepro at the n.a.e? I bought a pair from their stand but on the understanding that if they fogged they would have them back and I would have my £50 refunded. I'm like you and sweat worse than a nun in a cucumber field. However they worked and although I played hard they didn't fog? Regards

A man tells his friend that he has been sleeping around. The friend advises him to go and confess in church. So they go together and the man enters the confession box. Man: Father, I have sinned. Priest: What have you done, my son? Man: I have been sleeping around with married women in your congregation. Priest: Which one my son? Mary Charles? Man: No, father Priest: Patricia Jones? Man: No father Priest: Jeana Lee? Man: No, father Priest: Ok, put 5 pounds in the donation box and I shall pray to God to forgive you. The man comes out, puts five pounds in the box and walks out with his friend. Friend: So what happened? What did you get? Man: Three good leads

WHAT!! Sit down and reflect on what you have just said. ?

I took my sausage dog back to the pet shop........ He was rubbish at cooking sausages.

So hopefully they intend to continue at the same premises then. I have been in there a couple of times as it's only about twenty mins from me. I though their prices were a bit high but if James Brooks is true to his word I shall pay another visit and check it out ?

Hi fella and welcome to the Airsoft asylum.? We follow the rulez but some of us could do with a good old bit of discipline( ooer matron)? I used to do a lot of air rifle field target comps years ago as well.Dont expect any real accuracy in Airsoft though but you can expect a lot of fun? Enjoy and call your hits ? Regards

Get wel soon bud. You will have no problem kneeling for your knighthood now ??

Delivering elevators is turning out to be harder than I thought because most people won’t accept lifts off strangers!

Sneaky one lol

I'm no expert but it sounds good to me.?

Yo Dave dude ? I go on my own cause I'm a miserable sod. Don't ask me about my stuff. it's mine so don't touch. Only joking bud? As has been said we are a friendly bunch of reprobates so enjoy,have a great time and remember to call your hits ? Regards

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

Thor the Norse warrior is killed in battle, he arrives in Valhalla and is greeted by Odin the great god, after a while Thor is sorely missing the pleasures of a woman and keeps on pleading with Odin to allow him to go back to earth one last time to satisfy himself, finally Odin agrees with one condition that he does not tell the woman his name, Thor readily agrees and after a night of very passionate lovemaking he is very pleased with himself and decides when the lady comes back from the bathroom he would tell her who he is, "I’m Thor" he shouts beating his chest, " YOU'RE THORE?" she exclaims "I’m so thore l could hardly pith"

It's probably one he made lol

I asked my daughter to pass me the phone book. She called me a dinosaur and laughed and handed me her iPhone. Anyway the spider is dead,the iPhone is broken and my daughter is furious.?

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"

Love it. The wife wants one. She is quite interested in the gun as well ?

I'm the words of the old Rawhide song...'Dont try to understand 'em just head 'em up and brand 'em, keep rolling till the end of the road'

Dogs can't sign consent forms for one! And they are notorious for not calling their hits!

Two elderly southern widows are sitting on one of their porches talking about how good their husbands had been to them. The first woman says, “On my first wedding anniversary, my husband bought me a gold ring.” The second woman says (with a southern drawl), “That’s niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.” The first woman says, “On my tenth wedding anniversary, my husband bought me a diamond necklace.” The second woman says, “That’s niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.” The first woman says, “And on my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, my husband bought me a trip around the world.” The second woman says, “That’s niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.” The first woman says, “And what did your husband ever buy for you?” The second woman says, “Well, on my first wedding anniversary, my husband bought me lessons at a school of etiquette.” The first woman says, “Lessons at a school of etiquette? Well, why in the world would he buy you something like that?” The second woman says, “So I’d learn how to say that’s nice instead of who the fuck cares.”