Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 Just played poker with some weed smoking cows. It was a high steaks game! Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 I hear Alec Baldwin is acting in another film. Shooting begins soon. Dogsbody100, DanBow, Shamal and 1 other 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 6 Author Share Posted March 6 What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 I made a right dog's dinner of a meal today. Then I remembered that I work in a pet food factory.... Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 8 Author Share Posted March 8 What do you call a bee 🐝 that can't make up it's mind..... ......a maybe. DanBow and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 You can swim with dolphins for free. Swimming with sharks costs an arm and a leg... Shamal and DanBow 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 13 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Swimming with sharks costs an arm and a leg... Well for many it's a once in a lifetime event Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 Cigarettes are like weasels. Both are completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and set fire to them. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 10 Author Share Posted March 10 Feeling rather sad today as my clothes horse has finally broken beyond repair after I've had it 25 years....Its the end of an Airer. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 I've lost several pairs of shoes. I've a lot of sole searching to do. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 12 Share Posted March 12 My granddad remembers, 'Fighting them on the beaches.' Lovely man, but a very short fused deckchair attendant. EDcase, Shamal, DanBow and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Shamal Posted March 12 Author Popular Post Share Posted March 12 A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven." Mary answers, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!" The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'" DanBow, EDcase, Cannonfodder and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 13 Author Share Posted March 13 I recently bought a new toilet brush. Long story short; I'm going back to paper. Tactical Pith Helmet and EDcase 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 13 Share Posted March 13 The Daleks: horrible beings devoid of all emotions but hate. They're like Piers Morgan on wheels. Shamal, EDcase and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 Unfortunately this years charity Pantomime for the local Paranoia Society has been cancelled. During the first performance proceedings descended into chaos when somebody shouted, 'He's behind you.......' GenuineGerman and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 15 Author Share Posted March 15 They’re now employing bouncers at Greg’s, I suppose it’s to keep out the unsavory’s. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 I won a competition for Heston Blumenthal to cook at my house using only ingredients I had at home. It was amazing, we had a fantastic Vietnamese coconut curry with lime and coriander foam, mint and teatree jelly, cocoa shea butter sabayon and finished with a frozen lemon and ginseng tea. In the morning the wife said all her toiletries had gone and one of the cats was missing. Shamal, gavinkempsell, GenuineGerman and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 17 Author Share Posted March 17 Solar power is the future... But, it won't happen overnight. GenuineGerman and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 What's green and fuzzy, with four legs, and can kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 18 Author Share Posted March 18 A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that!!??" “Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." “Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce." “I can understand that" replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinities and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim? " asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. “Ours is prettier," she replies. Tackle, Tactical Pith Helmet, DanBow and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 Uncle Bob went on a blind date last night, It didn't start that way... But she had pepper spray Cannonfodder, Madhouse and DanBow 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 19 Author Share Posted March 19 A skeleton walks into a pub and asks the barman for a pint of lager and a mop. Tactical Pith Helmet and DanBow 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 Paul Simon has opened a cat sanctuary. Its called 'Feline Groovy.'* *I know, I'm really sorry(ish) 🤣 Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 22 Author Share Posted March 22 A pair of Peruvian owls have been introduced at Marwell zoo. They had to have two of them due to them hunting in pairs, that’s because they’re Inca hoots. On 19/03/2024 at 23:41, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Paul Simon has opened a cat sanctuary. Its called 'Feline Groovy.'* *I know, I'm really sorry(ish) 🤣 That's wasted on the young 😂 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 How do you make a bear cross? Nail two bears together. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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