Shamal

I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting last night. Anonymous, yeh right! I knew everyone there!

We will have to rv there one day. I'd like to try it.🙂

Sadly yes 😭

A few short days ago I received a friend request on FB from a young attractive lass about 29 years old... I was curious. I wanted to know why someone that young wanted to be my fb friend. So I accepted it. Then she started sending me private messages. She was very kind. She called me handsome. She asked my age. I'm not a liar so I told her and reminded her I'm quite a bit her senior. And I let her talk a bit cause (truth be told) flattery ain't all that bad. We keep talking for a while and within a short time, she asked if we could talk about 'adult things'. I said ok. Then she replied with a face like 😉. She said 'thank you babe, you start." So I did! I told her adult things like my knees and hips were hurting. My back acts up when it is cold outside. I explained that I have crazy insomnia, I toss and turn the entire night and that I often have leg cramps, especially when I try to sleep. I mentioned the scars from multiple surgeries and the limp I have from an old injury. And of course I had to throw in the need for daily fiber supplements to prevent passing gas. Can't forget that one! I was waiting for her to answer me...She blocked me. She wanted to talk about adult things and then couldn't take the heat! I think I'm just a bit too much man for her to handle! 🫤

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do..." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?"(with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house.." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do.." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you? HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times." WIFE: "Would she use my clubs? HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: --silence-- HUSBAND: "Shit.

Sorry to hear about your uncle bud.☹️ Is there name on it? Patrol base are selling one very similar for £259 but that is brand new with warranty.

I think @HuttArmourieson here had some for sale. Maybe pm him? Not sure they were Tanaka though. Hi and welcome btw 🙂

That's a bummer ☹️ It happened to my night evolution weapon light. I unscrewed the bezel and replaced the glass with some clear 5mm perspex.

A bloke at work asked me if I knew anywhere he could get a second hand toupee I said “Not off the top of my head"

A man walks into a chemist and asks “Have you got something for severe laryngitis?” The chemist looks at him and says “Good morning sir. Can I help you?"

I just spent £20- on a belt that doesn't fit. What a huge waist!

Charge a few batteries the evening before game and they should last. If I'm doing weekend games I take a small petrol generator to charge batts.

Bitch! That was in my pile 😂

I’ve learnt to play the piano by ear, but then I discovered that it’s so much easier using my hands.

Haha dad's army comes to mind 😂

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?”

Talking of beds... I got myself a microwave bed.now I can get eight hours sleep in 15mins. 🤦

Nah. Pretty much same as. Enjoy your return.🙂

. I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

There is so much material there for a stand up club comedian. Lol