Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 4, 2024 Share Posted February 4, 2024 It's sad. 9 out of 10 people who have fears about hurdles never get over them. DanBow, _K4MF_ and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 4, 2024 Author Share Posted February 4, 2024 Whenever I see a fire exit, I can't help myself, I dash out and then stand by the designated Fire Assembly Point. I suffer from premature evacuation. Tactical Pith Helmet, DanBow, faunskull and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_K4MF_ Posted February 4, 2024 Share Posted February 4, 2024 Cannonfodder and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 4, 2024 Share Posted February 4, 2024 I bought some new shoes today. One of them is not right. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 6, 2024 Popular Post Share Posted February 6, 2024 Masturbators Anonymous has started meeting in our village hall. I was surprised at how many people came. DanBow, faunskull, _K4MF_ and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 6, 2024 Author Share Posted February 6, 2024 So I said to the vicar: "This is a lovely old church vicar". He said: "It's Norman". I said: "Oh right, this is a lovely old church Norman". Tactical Pith Helmet, DanBow and _K4MF_ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 7, 2024 Share Posted February 7, 2024 I don't know. Donate a kidney and you're a hero. Donate half a dozen and the police kick your door down... _K4MF_, Cannonfodder and Shamal 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 7, 2024 Share Posted February 7, 2024 I'm not saying Stoke on Trent is rough, but the local shops put steal by dates on all the food. concretesnail, DanBow and Shamal 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 8, 2024 Author Share Posted February 8, 2024 I’ve started a business recycling chewing gum... but I’m having trouble getting it off the ground. EDcase, _K4MF_ and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 8, 2024 Share Posted February 8, 2024 I went to a French restaurant tonight, but the staff gave me the crepes. Shamal, _K4MF_ and gavinkempsell 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madhouse Posted February 9, 2024 Share Posted February 9, 2024 My wife and I are a match made in heaven .... I have a 9" penis and she doesn't know how to use a ruler. _K4MF_, Tactical Pith Helmet, Shamal and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post DanBow Posted February 9, 2024 Popular Post Share Posted February 9, 2024 10 minutes ago, Madhouse said: My wife and I are a match made in heaven .... I have a 9" penis and she doesn't know how to use a ruler. I was talking to a guy who said his wife is an angel. You're lucky I said, mine's still alive! Cannonfodder, EDcase, Shamal and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_K4MF_ Posted February 9, 2024 Share Posted February 9, 2024 My Wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. I was so irritated I packed up my stuff and right. Tactical Pith Helmet, Shamal and DanBow 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 10, 2024 Author Share Posted February 10, 2024 Chap knocked on the door last night asking for donations for the new local swimming pool. I was very generous and gave him two pints of water. _K4MF_ and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 10, 2024 Share Posted February 10, 2024 Just discovered that my universal remote control doesn't control the universe at all. Not even remotely! _K4MF_, DanBow and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 11, 2024 Author Share Posted February 11, 2024 A young woman enters an overcrowded city bus. She stands next to a middle-aged man who is sitting and asks him : “Sir, would you mind giving your seat to a pregnant woman?” The man obliges despite the fact that she shows no obvious sign of pregnancy. After she is seated the man asks “Pardon me young lady but how far along are you?” She replies “About 30 minutes and I'm still quite wobbly on my feet". Cannonfodder, Tactical Pith Helmet and _K4MF_ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 13, 2024 Share Posted February 13, 2024 If you hold the sole of your foot to your ear, you can hear the sound of a hip dislocating! Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 13, 2024 Author Share Posted February 13, 2024 Two people were admitted to hospital last night after eating lasagne made with 100% horsemeat. A hospital spokesman said today that they were stable, although they both had the trots.... Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 14, 2024 Share Posted February 14, 2024 Don't know why they call them 'sausage dogs.' They taste more like chicken to me... Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 14, 2024 Author Share Posted February 14, 2024 I made soup entirely from ingredients extracted from the atmosphere... It was a broth of fresh air. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 16, 2024 Share Posted February 16, 2024 On 14/02/2024 at 20:37, Shamal said: I made soup entirely from ingredients extracted from the atmosphere... It was a broth of fresh air. FFFFFFS!!! 🤣 The doctor's put me on an all almond diet. I said to him, 'That's just nuts!' DanBow, _K4MF_ and Shamal 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 16, 2024 Share Posted February 16, 2024 My Dad always said, 'Don't ever give up on your dreams'. 'Just go back to bed.' _K4MF_ and Shamal 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 17, 2024 Author Share Posted February 17, 2024 I’ve just bought some new state-of-the-art gardening equipment that makes the boundaries of my property look really neat and tidy. It uses cutting hedge technology. _K4MF_ and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 17, 2024 Share Posted February 17, 2024 You know what really floats my boat? Archimedes principle of relative buoyancy... Jedi_Master, Shamal, gavinkempsell and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 19, 2024 Share Posted February 19, 2024 My wife asked why I keep drying grapes all over the house. I told her that I have my raisins. Shamal and _K4MF_ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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