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Tell Us a Gag. Please!


Shamal
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In retrospect I wish now I'd bought my cans of baked beans on line;
Heinz site is a wonderful thing.

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58 minutes ago, Shamal said:

In retrospect I wish now I'd bought my cans of baked beans on line;
Heinz site is a wonderful thing.

Jesus wept!  😅

 

 

 

Lollipop ladies.  They make me cross.

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I see that the new Queen is going to be a man.

 

Will this woke nonsense ever end?

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A pair of Peruvian owls have been introduced at Marwell zoo.  They had to have two of them due to them hunting in pairs, that’s because they’re Inca hoots.🦉🦉

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She opened the door in her nighty. 

 

That's an odd place for a door I thought.   

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34 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

She opened the door in her nighty. 

 

That's an odd place for a door I thought.   

Haha drum roll.

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Spending my entire weekend bobsleighing.

 

I can't tell you how much I hate people called Bob.   

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3 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

Spending my entire weekend bobsleighing.

 

I can't tell you how much I hate people called Bob.   

Reminds me of the dude in the sea with no arms and legs, I imagine it may be you who put him in that predicament.

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Did you know, if you have a sore back and you rub some olive oil and a bit of sea salt into it, it will feel instantly greasier and grittier!

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I went to see the doctor and he told me he was sending me to see a cardiologist.
But I don't think there's anything wrong with the one I was wearing.

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The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings

 

Still not as sensitive as an airsofter on social media 

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If there are that many how come I can't even find one 🤔

Edited by Shamal
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We don't know how the present generation will present our age in years to come as history.

 

We can be pretty certain that it will have appalling spelling though. 

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Working in the local Glue Factory, I’ve noticed they are very strict,  they have very specific rules you have to adhere to.

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5 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

Saw two peanuts walking down the street today.

 

One was a salted.

🤦

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48 minutes ago, Shamal said:

🤦

You don't know how deep the bottom of this barrel is...

 

Mwahahaha!

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So happy, my oldest pig wasn’t in good health but a bloke at the farmers market said if I come back in 28 days he’ll be cured.🙂🐷

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A man walks into a bar and asks the barman, "Can I have a pint please, but not Stella. I had ten pints of it last night and ended up fucking skint.

 

The barman says, "But it's only £3 a pint." 

 

The man replies, "I know. Skint's my dog!"

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