Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 It's sad. 9 out of 10 people who have fears about hurdles never get over them. _K4MF_, Shamal and DanBow 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 Whenever I see a fire exit, I can't help myself, I dash out and then stand by the designated Fire Assembly Point. I suffer from premature evacuation. DanBow, Tactical Pith Helmet, faunskull and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_K4MF_ Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Tactical Pith Helmet and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 I bought some new shoes today. One of them is not right. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 6 Popular Post Share Posted February 6 Masturbators Anonymous has started meeting in our village hall. I was surprised at how many people came. DanBow, AttackBunny, Shamal and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 6 Author Share Posted February 6 So I said to the vicar: "This is a lovely old church vicar". He said: "It's Norman". I said: "Oh right, this is a lovely old church Norman". Tactical Pith Helmet, _K4MF_ and DanBow 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 I don't know. Donate a kidney and you're a hero. Donate half a dozen and the police kick your door down... _K4MF_, Shamal and Cannonfodder 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 I'm not saying Stoke on Trent is rough, but the local shops put steal by dates on all the food. Shamal, DanBow and concretesnail 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 8 Author Share Posted February 8 I’ve started a business recycling chewing gum... but I’m having trouble getting it off the ground. Tactical Pith Helmet, _K4MF_ and EDcase 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 I went to a French restaurant tonight, but the staff gave me the crepes. _K4MF_, gavinkempsell and Shamal 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madhouse Posted February 9 Share Posted February 9 My wife and I are a match made in heaven .... I have a 9" penis and she doesn't know how to use a ruler. Tactical Pith Helmet, DanBow, Shamal and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post DanBow Posted February 9 Popular Post Share Posted February 9 10 minutes ago, Madhouse said: My wife and I are a match made in heaven .... I have a 9" penis and she doesn't know how to use a ruler. I was talking to a guy who said his wife is an angel. You're lucky I said, mine's still alive! Shamal, Cannonfodder, EDcase and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_K4MF_ Posted February 9 Share Posted February 9 My Wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. I was so irritated I packed up my stuff and right. Tactical Pith Helmet, DanBow and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 10 Author Share Posted February 10 Chap knocked on the door last night asking for donations for the new local swimming pool. I was very generous and gave him two pints of water. Tactical Pith Helmet and _K4MF_ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 Just discovered that my universal remote control doesn't control the universe at all. Not even remotely! Shamal, DanBow and _K4MF_ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 11 Author Share Posted February 11 A young woman enters an overcrowded city bus. She stands next to a middle-aged man who is sitting and asks him : “Sir, would you mind giving your seat to a pregnant woman?” The man obliges despite the fact that she shows no obvious sign of pregnancy. After she is seated the man asks “Pardon me young lady but how far along are you?” She replies “About 30 minutes and I'm still quite wobbly on my feet". Tactical Pith Helmet, _K4MF_ and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 If you hold the sole of your foot to your ear, you can hear the sound of a hip dislocating! Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 13 Author Share Posted February 13 Two people were admitted to hospital last night after eating lasagne made with 100% horsemeat. A hospital spokesman said today that they were stable, although they both had the trots.... Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 Don't know why they call them 'sausage dogs.' They taste more like chicken to me... Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 14 Author Share Posted February 14 I made soup entirely from ingredients extracted from the atmosphere... It was a broth of fresh air. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 On 14/02/2024 at 20:37, Shamal said: I made soup entirely from ingredients extracted from the atmosphere... It was a broth of fresh air. FFFFFFS!!! 🤣 The doctor's put me on an all almond diet. I said to him, 'That's just nuts!' _K4MF_, Shamal and DanBow 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 My Dad always said, 'Don't ever give up on your dreams'. 'Just go back to bed.' Shamal and _K4MF_ 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted February 17 Author Share Posted February 17 I’ve just bought some new state-of-the-art gardening equipment that makes the boundaries of my property look really neat and tidy. It uses cutting hedge technology. _K4MF_ and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 You know what really floats my boat? Archimedes principle of relative buoyancy... Jedi_Master, gavinkempsell, Shamal and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 My wife asked why I keep drying grapes all over the house. I told her that I have my raisins. Shamal and _K4MF_ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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