Moderators Tackle Posted October 15, 2023 Moderators Share Posted October 15, 2023 1 hour ago, Shamal said: Well spotted mate. What put you on to them? I'll pm you🤫 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 If I got a pound for every time I was paranoid, I'd wonder who was paying me and why? Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 16, 2023 Author Share Posted October 16, 2023 A high-wire act isn’t something you can do straight away. It’s something that has to be taught. Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 16, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted October 16, 2023 My lad got zero for his geography and history homework, even after I helped him with it. Seriously, that school is like the Swedish Inquisition! DanBow, gavinkempsell, Shamal and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 18, 2023 Author Share Posted October 18, 2023 Amazing what these marketing people come up with. Apparently there is a new range of perfumes that are supposed to make you laugh more readily. They're calling it "Scents of Humour". Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 1971: A man goes into a tailor's shop in Birmingham to buy a new suit. After going through all the usual choices, he settles on a nice single breasted two-button charcoal grey one with a single vent and three buttons on each sleeve. The salesman then persuades him to add a shirt, one with a complementary stripe and then he asks, how about we finish it all off with a nice kipper tie? 'That would be lovely,' replies the man, 'milk and two sugars please.' Cannonfodder, Shamal and DanBow 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madhouse Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 Asked my girlfriend why she broke up with me. She said there were 14 reasons, plus my obsession with tennis. I said that's 15, love. Tackle 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Tackle Posted October 20, 2023 Moderators Share Posted October 20, 2023 On 16/10/2023 at 23:54, Tactical Pith Helmet said: My lad got zero for his geography and history homework, even after I helped him with it. Seriously, that school is like the Swedish Inquisition! Kids today, they're just not expecting the swedish inquisition 😜 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavinkempsell Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, Tackle said: Kids today, they're just not expecting the swedish inquisition 😜 But NOBODY, expects the Swedish inquisition. & for the younger members... Edited October 20, 2023 by gavinkempsell Tactical Pith Helmet, Shamal, Tackle and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 20, 2023 Author Share Posted October 20, 2023 A young man volunteers for airborne training. After one week, he phones his father. “Dad, we had our first parachute jump today, but only about half the company jumped. The others were scared.” Dad: “Well, did you jump?” Son: “No, I was scared.” A week later he calls dad again “We had our second jump today. The sergeant said that anyone who didn’t jump this time would not get a pass for this weekend. All but about ten of us jumped.” Dad: “Well, did you jump?” Son: “No, I just couldn’t”. A week later he calls dad again “We had our third jump today. The sergeant said that anyone who didn’t jump was going to spend the weekend scrubbing the latrines with a toothbrush. Only three people didn’t jump.” Dad: “Well, did you jump?” Son: “Nope. I’m still too scared.” Another week goes by and he calls dad “Today was our fourth jump. The sergeant said he was gonna bend anyone who didn’t jump over the seat and screw him up the rear.” Dad: “OK, so you jumped?” Son: “Yeah I jumped … a little … at first.” Tactical Pith Helmet, Jedi_Master, Tackle and 1 other 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 22, 2023 Author Share Posted October 22, 2023 I asked this elderly man why he was using two massive frozen chips as walking sticks. He replied: “They’re McCains!” Tackle, Tactical Pith Helmet and DanBow 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 My local shop is selling a natural plant based alternative to vapes. They're called cigarettes. Shamal, Jedi_Master and Tackle 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 23, 2023 Author Share Posted October 23, 2023 We didn't have much as kids but I remember one birthday was spent down the launderette. The highlight of the day was playing pass the Persil. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 23, 2023 Share Posted October 23, 2023 Went to a restaurant called Karma last night. Good food but limited menu. They do just desserts... Cannonfodder and Shamal 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 24, 2023 Author Share Posted October 24, 2023 A wife sends her husband an SMS on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen". The husband sent an answer back: "Pour some warm water over them". Sometime later husband receives an answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now" Tactical Pith Helmet and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted October 24, 2023 Share Posted October 24, 2023 2 middle aged women are having lunch and discussing ways the beat the aging process. One says "I'm having a boob job" The other says "I'm getting my arsehole bleached" The first replies "really? I can't imagine your husband as a blonde" Tactical Pith Helmet, DanBow and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 25, 2023 Share Posted October 25, 2023 Albert Einstein was a genius. His brother Frank was a monster. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 26, 2023 Author Share Posted October 26, 2023 I’ve just realised, I have one pair of running shoes but unfortunately I also own sixteen pairs of eating ones. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 27, 2023 Author Share Posted October 27, 2023 One evening, Jesus walks into a flash restaurant with his 12 disciples following him in. The Maitre D greets him and says: “Good evening sir, how can we help you today?” Jesus responds: “Yes, we’d like a table for 26 please” The Maitre D looks confused for a second, before gathering his composure: “But sir, there are only 13 of you?” Jesus responds: “Ahh, yes…. but we’re all going to sit on one side of the table”. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 I was going to tell you all a joke about UPS deliveries. You won't get it though... Cannonfodder and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 29, 2023 Author Share Posted October 29, 2023 I went to a charity bash organised by the R.N.L.I. today. It was amazing. They certainly know how to push the boat out Cannonfodder, gavinkempsell, Tactical Pith Helmet and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted October 30, 2023 Share Posted October 30, 2023 I'm going to write a book about all the things I should've done with my life It'll be my oughtabiography Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted November 1, 2023 Author Share Posted November 1, 2023 Little known fact that bees were the last to emerge from Noah's ark, because he kept them in the ark hives. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted November 2, 2023 Share Posted November 2, 2023 Addicted to seaweed? Seek kelp. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted November 3, 2023 Share Posted November 3, 2023 I now identity as a donkey. My pronouns are he/haw. gavinkempsell, Shamal and Jedi_Master 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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