A big problem...

[Mos]

Hey guys, I don't know why I am posting this, and to be honest, I'm going to regret it, but I would like some advice, or just anyone whos experienced this.

 

Basically, at home to cut a long story short, my mum and dad split up ( they are both lovely people and very friendly, they just took different paths ) but, my mum then met another guy, who is also nice, but this man isn't like a permanent thing, he just sees mum every now and then. This is good, because he makes my mum very happy. And he doesn't live with me, he's not like a step dad or any of that malarkey.

 

Then a problem has a occurred, as this guy comes round, just to be at the house, to talk to mum etc my depression kicks in, and one of the modes of depression I suffer is where I lock myself away, this can be seen as to gain attention, but it's just because I'm a mess at that point in time. Other things happen, like mum tries to take me along to things, and sometimes I say no.

 

Now, the problem, my mum gets upset, and because I'm a considerate person, I'm only happy when all of my family are happy. This therefore makes me upset mum gets upset because of me being awkward, and she feels like she's stepping on egg shells.

 

If anyone has advice, or has had experience please tell me. I'm up for talking about it

 

(If anyone took the time to read this, I'm very grateful for that, and hope you all have a great day, for taking the time to read my post)

[Monty]

Please speak to a councillor.

[Mos]

Been told this many a time. My mum is basically a counsellor, she is a psychologist, and she can understand a lot of stuff with the brain and feelings etc, just after this bit if awkwardness, she's not really been her self, she hasn't really helped me, but she has helped me. It's a weird one, she's helped me, but she hasn't helped me loads. Thanks.

[AirsoftTed]

Letter writing can be a good method of communicating mate. Sounds bizarre but with subjects such as this it can be difficult to talk in person if you get choked up or if you're not good at talking on the spot.

 

Open communications to your mum with a letter , let her know how you feel and that you don't want to upset her, explain the letters as a way of consolidating your points clearly and as an opportunity to fully take in an appreciate what the other person is saying without the pressure of a face to face conversation . Ask her to write one back in response.

 

You don't even have to talk about the letters face to face, just designate a place like the kitchen table to leave them

 

You may find it helps you know how to act around each other if you know what the other is thinking.

 

 

Feel free to PM me if you ever need a pal, depression sucks hairy balls , it can be tough!

[Mos]

I like the idea of this, on a similar point, I think another method was to write my queries down on a note, and burn the note. But I do like the idea of writing it in a letter, as I potentially can't get my words out. I'll keep you updated on what happens, depression is an a**

[Monty]

Been told this many a time. My mum is basically a counsellor, she is a psychologist, and she can understand a lot of stuff with the brain and feelings etc, just after this bit if awkwardness, she's not really been her self, she hasn't really helped me, but she has helped me. It's a weird one, she's helped me, but she hasn't helped me loads. Thanks.

 

My partners dad is also a councillor and has been councelling for 4 years. From what he says, she can't help you as you're her son, it must always be confidential.

[Mos]

Oh right, well, that's new. Makes some sense though, thanks.

[Sitting Duck]

Some things in life you can change - most you can't

by that I mean circumstances and people around you

I'm sure ya mum would love you to be happy all/most of the time but we have little control over many many things in our life really

 

Talking about it helps - not closing yourself off

But you ain't thick or selfish - you are considerate and have a conscience too

 

I'm not being a hard nose bastid, honestly I came close to going over the edge

I freaked out at airport just before we set off on holiday and ruined the start of holiday ripping up passport, refusing to get on flight and coming home with my son who was shit scared about my depression due to work crap getting on top of me

Yeah - I was in a f*cked up way but saw my GP (welling up n having a cry in front of him ffs) Monday morning

resisted the pills n shit and got a flight back out on Monday night to try & make ammends for my stupid outburst

 

Phew - soz telling ya my problems, you got ya own issues m8

But I'm trying to focus on the positive stuff - not always easy but c'mon you gotta try even though it is hard

Look around and see all the REALLY bad $hit going on

 

you like me have a family that love ya - and that is LOT

 

deep down you may not know but you may still be wishing for the perfect life the way it was with mum n dad

even if you think you are happy for her - it might be deeply rooted if this guy visits and trips it off

 

Trust me, I am far from perfect, lucky I had the family stay together but lost my dad soon after leaving home

but others have lost far worse - even burying their kid so there is always worse crap happening

 

You may not fully realise it, but maybe you ain't quite ok with your parents splitting up as you might think you are

Talking to people will help a lot, but also in the end you will have to confront your issues head on and accept most of what life has thrown at you

 

As and old bastid - not wishing to pi$$ on your firework, but ahead of you in later life will be far worse issues to test you

Eventually after talking it through with loved ones - and yourself, you might be able to face your fears rather than avoid

But this will come in good time when you are sure you feel ready - don't rush or panic

 

Finally you youngsters do have my sympathy a little, seems there is even more pressure on you lot than when I was a teenager

So on that note I really wish you well in opening up and talking about it

 

Don't worry too much and try to stay positive talking it all through with ya mum & ya dad or close friends/family

 

All The Very Best m8

[Rock-climby-Dave]

You'd be surprised how much of the male population it affects, and how deeply too.

Surround yourself with good friends and pour yourself into your hobbies, it's kept me going through some worse times.

 

Advice is fine, but it is a very, very personal thing to deal with. It's shitty that there are parents burying their kids, yeah, but it doesn't affect you. You just worry about your own issues.

 

Try and go for a big life goal if you can. Learn to drive, get a girlfriend, learn an instrument, anything! Try to broaden your horizons and get out there. Exercise is very, very good to help depression.

 

For me, what helped was being able to see people I liked when I wanted, but being forced to wasn't cool, so a way to take a day to yourself is fine every now and then.

 

Shutting yourself in isnt good full time. It's what caused me to head downhill when all my mates went to uni, what helped big time when they came back and I can see it starting to effect the ones that don't come out often.

 

Just remember that if you don't want to see a councellor, talking to anyone can help. If it takes making a second account and opening up anonymously to a bunch of slightly overweight, hairy old men with toy guns on here, so be it.

[Mos]

Thanks guys, it seems that depression has happened to a lot of people, thanks duck, trying to look at the positives rather than the negatives, is a good point, and, I agree that there is worse stuff going on. Thanks duck, really grateful for a fantastic reply. Have a great day.

 

Rock, I do a lot of hobbies, and that takes my mind of it all. When it comes to Sunday, I'm a melt, but that's most likely because of school the next day. I don't really want to shut myself in, but, I do it, I don't know why, it's a pain, it's not an often occurrence though. I generally talk to my mum about this, but she has limited her help, as she thinks almost every time I see her I'm upset, so she just can't be bothered with it all anymore, this alone, made me upset, that she didn't help me, but I'll just wait a while, won't cause any problems and all should be okay.

 

Thanks guys, I'm quite surprised people helped, just shows how strong and friendly the airsoft community and forum is. Thanks guys.

[n1ckh]

Now

 

I've had problems throughout my life kiddo, I was in foster care twice then lived with my dad, bullied in senior school, cancer twice & I buried my new born son, fighting depression while loosing my home with my sons:(

 

Since a young age & through my army career, I kept it all bottled up to where it was having an effect on my kids & that has hurt me the most knowing my kids are becoming closed off like me.

 

Locking yourself away is your way of not dealing with things, it's your safe zone & relaxation area, talking to your mum will not work to a point because she's your mum

 

There are organisations with volunteer counsellers who take donations for there work, I did this & it made me realise a few things about myself, without going into detail. I had to forgive myself for a certain incident & things have got better slowly since then

 

Look through the Thomson blue phone book or yellow pages for volunteer counsellors

 

Everyone's collective issues throughout life & how they bettered themself will always be inspiration to others & will help them aswell

[Sitting Duck]

Christ n1ckh, you have had some crap thrown at ya m8

when you read stuff like yours n others, it makes us think wtf am I moaning about

 

I know us blokes bottle crap up - which certainly don't help

 

Best wishes to all of you going through tougher times & hang in there chaps

[n1ckh]

Cheers duck my mum & dad divorced when we we're young but these things happen

 

Men are seen as the bread winner, not to show emotion, tears are seen as a weakness but in the long run, it doesn't help.

 

My boys said that's the 1st time they'd seen me cry but even now, I do it where no one can see me

 

End of the day, talking will always help, especially when people have been through similar, the more you talk about what's going on then the easier it becomes & you feel like a huge weight has been lifted

 

The biggest thing I realised about my kids is the time we spend with them, they can have everything they want but deny them time & it becomes a circle where they do it later on in life

 

Spend time with the ones you love no matter what it is your doing because there memories you'll cherish forever, my best memories are sitting in the lorry cab with my dad especially when home on leave

[Mos]

Wow n1ckh, hope you're doing okay now, or getting along with what you can. Makes my problem a minor one. I'm pretty sure the best remedy for depression is to talk about it. Talking kind of let's all the tension and worries out.

 

Hope you do okay in the long run.

[n1ckh]

Don't worry about me buddy but thankyou

 

Best advice I can give about depression is to talk knowing someone is listening, surround yourself with friends who geniuly care, the people who will raise you up & not put you down

 

These friends are hard to find & you will notice straight away who they are

 

I have a few airsofting buddy's who are going through various life changing incidents we always talk no matter what happens

 

PS - if you have genuine teachers at school/college or uni ?? Go chat to them as they usually have knowledge of people who can help or organizations you can contact, sometimes they'll put in a referral to an outside organization

[Taxman22]

I'm new here - but thought I'd have a read. You sound like a clever lad Mos, I hope you work it out.

 

I have never suffered with depression but friends have and I'm sure it took a lot for you to write how you're feeling on a forum, I respect you for that. I know its tough but talking does help. Its helped my mates who were in very dark places. Once you get it out in the open, or as much you can feel can be in the open, then its a game changer when you realise others feel similliar and when you realise you're not a weird alien who is the odd one out. We all have our issues and demons brother.

 

I think writing down how you feel is good, workout what triggers your feelings and mood changes. You are clearly switched on so maybe writing down your feelings will help you atriculate them to your mother who I am sure would feel miles better if you talked to her.

 

I'm sure its all easier said than done. But keep your chin up.

[Mos]

First of all, welcome to the forums, where we all love G&G's. You'll meet some really helpful and great people on here.

 

It was hard at first to tell anyone about my depression (don't think that I'm having it bad, there are some people who have had it a lot worse than me) but it's like a barrier has been broken once you've got your story out. Writing down is indeed a good idea, or attleast I think so, it makes logical sense to. As I said earlier, it is like taking your worries away from your mind. (I'm astonished at how many well being people there are on here, jeez.)

 

As I said, everyone on here is nice, you'll like it here. Lots of knowledgeable people on here who'll help you out if in need. Hit me up on PM if you want to talk

 

Have a good day lad.

[stevil]

first off kudos to you guys for speaking openly about these things, its such a shame mental health treatment still has so far to go

personally my parents split when i was 5, stepdad physically and emotionally abused me until i left home, and my mum just screwed about with my head too, experienced a lot of loss and violence when i was a teen, seen things a kid should never see and lost my grandparents while i was living with them, as a result i have been diagnosed with anxiety, ptsd and pdpd and currently in psychotherapy for 2 years

its ok to say others have it worse, and it prbably is true but the problem with depression and the like, its all subjective to the person, i agree you need to speak to a counsellor and not someone you know, this will help a great deal, another idea is to write things down in a journal, or letter, if you dont want the risk of people reading them then rip the page up

it helps to see things in black and white, and helps to process the feelings

i really hope you can find some help amongst the advice here, and really hope you can find a counsellor to help you mate

all the best

[AirsoftTed]

In addition to my suggestion about letters and inspired by Stevils post, you could always try writing letters and journal entries then just put them in a box under your bed or a small safe if you have one. Later down the line , read them and see how you felt now and the progress you will have made .

 

I was clearing out school books from when I was in secondary school and sixthform; reading things you've wrote like essays and stories even can trigger good memories and show you how much you've developed as a person

[Mos]

Hey stevil, hope your doing alright now. I like your point on that depression is more of a general idea, and there are subjects of depression, to do with different things. My depression may be different to someone else's etc.

 

As for reading over old books and essays, it's quite interesting to look over and come across a bit of work you remember doing. Was reading over some nuclear fission & fusion work I did. Was quite funny to see my view on a nuclear bomb. But I guess, it does show me where I've come from.

 

Thanks guys.