Shamal

My wife and I shared a cream tea yesterday.....I weighed myself this morning & I've put on half a scone.

Snap! Pretty much the same as my tm 👍

Mk23 with silencer. 👍

When little billy got home from school one day he found the family rooster dead in the front yard.Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?" His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure.

Thought for the day...... ....if you are being chased by an angry gang of taxidermists don't play dead! 👍

I'm not saying it's aliens....but it's aliens. 😂😂

Hope sites don't ban all recording though. I some times use a go pro on my lid just to capture a few moments to look back on later. None of it ever gets posted anywhere because it's crap and I wouldn't know how to anyway. It's purely for my own enjoyment. I need something to watch when I'm old 😜

Yeah that's true.we pay one way or another. You can't buck the system

I thought I saw a small,dead baby ghost in the road today. Turns out it was a handkerchief....

Yeah but he gave us all free will. Lol

My doctor prescribed me some tablets and gave me strict instructions to follow the directions on the bottle the tablets came in. Well I did and I haven’t seen my kids for two weeks.

I hear there may be a hose pipe ban next week, so I've just bought 10 in B & Q. Forward thinkin eh? 😉

Agree. A gun is a tool like any other. It does a job. Sure maintain it but if it gets marked then it gets marked. If it works it's good to go. I've got a set of chisels that are older than most of the people on here. The handles are battered and fluffed and the ferrules have lost their shine but fuck they can cut hinges and lock plates as well as a router.🙂 Regards

So I asked my boss, "What do you want me to do with this six metre roll of bubble wrap?" He said, "Just pop it in the corner"... 4 hours it took me!

I had a hen once, who could count her own eggs. She was a mathmachicken. No no I'll do it.🤦

Call your local site and ask🤔

Is it ok to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school.... Or am I really just a bad teacher ?

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" the woman said embarrassingly. "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the lady responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered

Yeah. Just Google it mate. I think you can use something really thin like feeler blades to hold it down while you offer up the top half of shell. 🤞 Regards

I think you mean the anti reversal latch? Got a fine spring on it? Have a look at some pics on Google. That will show you the orientation of it. It can be a pain to get it to stay in place. Good luck.👍

Excuse my ignorance but what do you mean by fully mechanical? Regards

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane’ The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’ The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand’ ‘Why thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.’ The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’ The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’ The old lady replied…… ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens

Yeah well we went to an art gallery yesterday but had some trouble getting in. Apparently there was an incident with a Picasso and a Constable. It seems that the Citroen had run over the coppers foot 🤔

Sorry to hear that bud☹️ Bloody in-laws. Seriously though hope all works out and best wishes.29 years is a bloody good score 👍 Regards