Tell Us a Gag. Please!

[Shamal]

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.
The nurse asked the rabbit: "What's your blood type?"
"I'm probably a Type O", said the rabbit.

[Skullchewer]

Your mums so ugly your dad wakes up with morning wouldn't.

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I wasn't particularly close to my Aunt Sheila who died recently.

 

It was lucky as she was hit by a bus.  

[Tackle]

[Shamal]

3 hours ago, Tackle said:

Haha. I done that one about a year ago ??

But good to hear it again ?

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

The Metropolitan Police have identified over two hundred hardened Albanian criminals living in London.  Many have committed terrible crimes.

 

A spokesman said that having discovered them, they planned to start recruiting them from next week.

[DaktariT]

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

[Shamal]

8 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

The Metropolitan Police have identified over two hundred hardened Albanian criminals living in London.  Many have committed terrible crimes.

 

A spokesman said that having discovered them, they planned to start recruiting them from next week.

Nice ?

[Shamal]

Wanted: someone to brush their teeth with me, because 9/10 dentists say brushing alone won't help tooth decay.
No weirdos

[Cannonfodder]

16 hours ago, Shamal said:

No weirdos

Well that's 99% of people here off the list

[Shamal]

2 minutes ago, Cannonfodder said:

Well that's 99% of people here off the list

Ain't that the truth ?

[The Waco Kid]

Wifle - a spouse with a hair trigger, best engaged from hard cover. 

[Shamal]

2 hours ago, The Waco Kid said:

Wifle - a spouse with a hair trigger, best engaged from hard cover. 

I've got one! Lol

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Just watched the film 'Aluminium Man.'  It's a bit like Iron Man.  He foils all of the baddies plans.  

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Just went into the kitchen.  The bread was reading John-Paul Satre, the beans were discussing ontology with the spuds.  The pasta was reciting Mallarme poems.

 

I think they're all complex carbs.  

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

We had random drug testing at work today. 

 

I liked the LSD best.  

[Shamal]

Something has been playing on my mind recently.

When I opened a can of evaporated milk it was still all there so I opened a can of condensed milk but it was the same size as the can?

I'm not trying to milk this btw.

 

[Skullchewer]

17 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

We had random drug testing at work today. 

 

I liked the LSD best.  

Giggled far too much at this.

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I had a happy childhood. 

 

My dad used to put me in a stack of tyres and roll me down a hill. 

 

They were Goodyears.  

[Shamal]

16 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said:

I had a happy childhood. 

 

My dad used to put me in a stack of tyres and roll me down a hill. 

 

They were Goodyears.  

?

I had my leg X-rayed yesterday the doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'.
I said: 'Inch-high knees?'

He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I'm certain someone's tampering with my anti-paranoia medication.

[Shamal]

I thought I’d do something different today.

So I bought an alcoholic ginger beer.

He was not pleased

[Skullchewer]

Breaking news!
Man shot 200 times with an upholstery gun.
Surgeons say he's fully recovered.

[Cannonfodder]

My son says he wants a cat for Christmas.

 

Normally I do turkey but if it makes him happy I'll give it a go 

[Shamal]

1 hour ago, Cannonfodder said:

My son says he wants a cat for Christmas.

 

Normally I do turkey but if it makes him happy I'll give it a go 

Like it.