Popular Post DaktariT Posted May 26 Popular Post Share Posted May 26 My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me! I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us. DanBow, Tactical Pith Helmet, Cannonfodder and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post DaktariT Posted May 26 Popular Post Share Posted May 26 My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet, Cannonfodder and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 27 Share Posted May 27 What's got eight wheels and flies? A bin lorry. Shamal, Galvatron and EDcase 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 27 Author Share Posted May 27 So God was just about done with creating Adam and Eve. He called them over and said 'listen up you two,I've got a couple of design features left over. I've got the ability to pee standing up and'... Adam jumped in shouting ' Me,me. I want that,I want it'. God says ' ok Adam it's yours'. 'So Eve, that leaves you with the multiple orgasm feature ' Galvatron, DaktariT and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaktariT Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 I was down the gym earlier and saw an idiot put a water bottle in the Pringles holder. Tactical Pith Helmet, Jedi_Master and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 I've given up my deer racing business. People kept saying that I was only in it to make a fast buck. DanBow and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 29 Author Share Posted May 29 I ran twice today... First I ran out of beer and then I ran out of fags. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 I found a dead frog in my pond today. He had Kermitted suicide. Shamal, DaktariT and DanBow 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 What do you get when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke? Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 31 Author Share Posted May 31 4 hours ago, Cannonfodder said: What do you get when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke? Nope. I give up 🤔 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 31 Author Share Posted May 31 I went to the chemist yesterday and asked the lovely assistant if she would kindly show me where the talcum power was. "Certainly sir,walk this way" I thought, if I could walk that way,I wouldn't need the bloody talcum powder! Tactical Pith Helmet, Cannonfodder and Tackle 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 31 Share Posted May 31 My neighbour said that my dog was chasing people on motorcycles. 'Bloody rubbish,' I said, 'he doesn't even have one motorcycle!' Cannonfodder and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 1 Author Share Posted June 1 Forgot what I was gonna say. You know I've got a memory like thing that's used to get lump out of flour. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted June 3 Share Posted June 3 I've invented an Al Qaida sex doll. You take it out of the box and it blows itself up! DaktariT, Cannonfodder, Shamal and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted June 3 Share Posted June 3 There's 2 typos of peoples in this world those who always noticing spelling & grammatical errands, & them who doesn't. Tackle and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaktariT Posted June 4 Share Posted June 4 Why do scuba divers always fall backwards into the water? If they fell forwards they would still be in the boat. Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 4 Author Share Posted June 4 It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's an extraordinary watch. It's been in my family for six generations" He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "SHIT!" said the Hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the Senior Center. Tactical Pith Helmet and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 9 Author Share Posted June 9 I want to start growing my own food but I can't find bacon seeds anywhere. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavinkempsell Posted June 9 Share Posted June 9 12 hours ago, Shamal said: I want to start growing my own food but I can't find bacon seeds anywhere. I got you... Shamal, Cannonfodder and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 11 Author Share Posted June 11 Two lions walking down Oxford Street in London. One says to the other "Quiet for a Saturday, isn't it?" Tactical Pith Helmet and DaktariT 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 To all those people who said I'd never accomplish anything because I procrastinate too much... ...just you wait and see. Jedi_Master, Shamal and DaktariT 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 I came so close to winning the lottery jackpot on Saturday. My next door neighbour won it. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 My wife asked me to rock our baby to sleep. All I've managed to determine so far is that he's not a big Motorhead fan. Shamal, Cannonfodder and Jedi_Master 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted June 14 Author Share Posted June 14 I saw there was a large front page article on Dracula in the Daily Express today, but he did not appear in the Mirror or the Sun. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaktariT Posted June 15 Share Posted June 15 How do non binary people kill someone? They/Them Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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