Shamal Posted May 7 Author Share Posted May 7 My mate fell off a walkway at the factory he works at, into a vat of strawberries, sugar and pectin. Amazingly he was unhurt. He is so jammy! Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 I thought I'd hate this program about serious D.I.Y. blunders, but I'm literally glued to the TV... Skullchewer and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Shamal Posted May 9 Author Popular Post Share Posted May 9 Devon and Cornwall have cancelled their planned joint '60s & '70s retro music festival after a row over whether to put The Jam or Cream on first... concretesnail, Tactical Pith Helmet, DanBow and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 9 Author Share Posted May 9 Update... It's just been announced that the doors will open this event.... DanBow and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 10 Author Share Posted May 10 I signed up to an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothes. If I had any loose fitting clothes I wouldn't have signed up for an exercise class. Cannonfodder, Tackle, concretesnail and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 11 Share Posted May 11 I used to be addicted to swimming. I'm happy to say that I've been dry now for six months... Shamal, DaktariT and Skullchewer 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 11 Share Posted May 11 Just started an engraving course. First lesson, we barely scratched the surface... Tackle, Skullchewer and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 12 Author Share Posted May 12 I had a Continental breakfast this morning. Those tyres taste disgusting. Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 13 Author Share Posted May 13 I’ve come to the conclusion that Baby Changing Stations are the biggest con. I’ve seen parents use them and they always come out with the same kid. Cannonfodder, Skullchewer, EDcase and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 3 hours ago, Shamal said: I’ve come to the conclusion that Baby Changing Stations are the biggest con. I’ve seen parents use them and they always come out with the same kid. I'd prefer changing a baby for a dog myself... Being embarrassed about her anal bleaching session, my sister told everyone that she was just changing her ring tone. Skullchewer, Jedi_Master, Cannonfodder and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 15 Author Share Posted May 15 Please note April is officially Procrastination Awareness month! Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 17 Share Posted May 17 I've just made a car entirely out of magic mushrooms. Might go out for a trip in it later. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 18 Author Share Posted May 18 This works best when told to someone. Young children are best if they don't know what repeat means.😉 Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left. Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left. Pete and Repeat were in a boat.............. I'll get me coat.... Tactical Pith Helmet, Cannonfodder and Tackle 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 19 Share Posted May 19 Just saw the neighbourhood burglar kicking his own front door in. He must be working from home again. Shamal and Tackle 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 19 Author Share Posted May 19 I've always preferred wet shaving to using an electric shaver. I guess that's just the way I was razed. Tactical Pith Helmet and Tackle 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaktariT Posted May 20 Share Posted May 20 (edited) My girlfriend just came downstairs from her beauty sleep. I sent her back to bed. Edited May 20 by DaktariT Tactical Pith Helmet, Shamal, John_W and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 21 Popular Post Share Posted May 21 I was looking at a shirt in a shop today and the sales woman asked me if I wanted to try it on. So I told her she had nice tits and asked if she fancied a drink after work. DanBow, Jedi_Master, Tackle and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 22 Author Share Posted May 22 I got Swine Flu last week, so I rubbed myself all over with salt, and now I'm cured. DaktariT, Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaktariT Posted May 23 Share Posted May 23 My Ex-girlfriend was hit by a bus near my house. And I said to myself “That could've been me!!” Then I remembered - I can't drive a bus. Tactical Pith Helmet, Shamal and DanBow 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanBow Posted May 23 Share Posted May 23 20 minutes ago, DaktariT said: My Ex-girlfriend was hit by a bus near my house. And I said to myself “That could've been me!!” Then I remembered - I can't drive a bus. Isn't it funny how the meaning of "I'd hit that" changes after a break up! Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted May 23 Share Posted May 23 Millie Cyrus licked a hammer and danced around in her underwear and was praised for it. So why is it when I do it I get banned from B&Q? Shamal, DaktariT and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted May 24 Author Share Posted May 24 I staggered into the doctor's yesterday. Doc said ' Oh dear,drunk again Mr Shamal' I said ' ok doc I'll come back when you're sober' DaktariT, Tactical Pith Helmet and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 24 Share Posted May 24 I've just watched a film called "Star Wars XXX". Well, what can I say..? It's definitely a departure from the first twenty-nine films. gavinkempsell, Shamal and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted May 25 Share Posted May 25 I was watching Masterchef Australia last night. Someone made a meringue and everybody cheered. That's strange I thought, in Australia they usually boo meringue Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet and DanBow 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted May 25 Share Posted May 25 'You're home early Dear.' 'Boss told me to 'go to hell' so here I am.' Shamal and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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