Popular Post Shamal Posted July 4, 2023 Author Popular Post Share Posted July 4, 2023 Creating a password... 🔑 🔐 🗝️ 🤣 cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one uppercase character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessImmediately Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowlAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArselfYou DontGiveMeAccessImmediately Sorry, that password is already in use Tackle, gavinkempsell, Cannonfodder and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 6, 2023 Author Share Posted July 6, 2023 My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that! Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 6, 2023 Share Posted July 6, 2023 My friends are organising a joint Chinese New Year and Burns night. It's going to be called Chinese Burns Night... I don't want to go but they're twisting my arm......... Shamal, RostokMcSpoons and Tackle 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DrAlexanderTobacco Posted July 7, 2023 Share Posted July 7, 2023 I've been looking around for a specific torrent of an old film for years, all I could really find were shitty webrips at 720p. A friend let me know he found the file on a private tracker, but he can't upload it. He shipped it to me via cargo ship and it's taking FUCKING AGES to arrive, over 3 months now. I really don't like pier to pier file sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 7, 2023 Share Posted July 7, 2023 What do you call an Elephant that's unimportant? An Irrelephant. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 10, 2023 Author Share Posted July 10, 2023 I won 2nd prize in a competition, they gave me a map of the night sky. It was a constellation prize Tactical Pith Helmet and EDcase 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 'Get your coat on, I'm going to the pub,' said Uncle Bob. 'Are you treating me?' replied Aunt Sheila. 'No,' said Bob, 'I'm turning the heating off.' Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 12, 2023 Share Posted July 12, 2023 My German sister in law asked me for a gin and tonic. 'Dry?' I asked her. 'No,' she said, 'I only want one.' Skullchewer and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Tackle, Shamal and Skullchewer 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 Is that why you're up at this time, ya dirty stopout? Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theSwede Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 A man is in the hospital getting examined by a doctor. The doctor looks at the man with a serious gaze and says ”You need to stop masturbating.” ”Omg why?” Says the man a bit worried. ”Because I can’t examine you while you’re masturbating” says the doc Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet, Blackshadow5354 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 Went to my local furniture showroom, The sales person said "This sofa will seat 5 people with no problems" I am wondering where am I supposed to find 5 people with no problems🤔 Skullchewer, Tactical Pith Helmet and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 15, 2023 Author Share Posted July 15, 2023 I’m off to the bank today to pay off my mortgage and all my loans and still have enough to buy a sports car afterwards. I’m so excited I can hardly put my balaclava EDcase, novioman and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 17, 2023 Author Share Posted July 17, 2023 Warning, never mix your metaphors. You could end up staring down the barrel of a double edged sword. EDcase, Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 22, 2023 Author Share Posted July 22, 2023 (edited) I've just seen a holiday advert on the TV "Book by 31st July and your children go free". I know the holiday industry's having a tough time, but I hardly think kidnapping kids and making televised demands like that is the way forward. Edited July 22, 2023 by Shamal Spelin Cannonfodder, Skullchewer and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Tactical Pith Helmet Posted July 24, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 24, 2023 I own two shirts and some neckwear that used to belong to a guy out of The Mamas & Papas. All the sleeves are brown. And the tie is grey. Jedi_Master, TacticalWaifu, Shamal and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smiling-Dutchman Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 (edited) My mate told me he dipped his balls in glitter. Pretty nuts, right? Edited July 25, 2023 by Smiling-Dutchman RostokMcSpoons, Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 My sister wasn't too pleased with the locket i bought her for her birthday. She'll be thankful when her blocked nose clears up though. Tactical Pith Helmet and RostokMcSpoons 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Skullchewer Posted July 26, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 26, 2023 The funeral for the inventor of tupperware was delayed today. They couldn't find a lid to fit the coffin. RostokMcSpoons, gavinkempsell, Tactical Pith Helmet and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Cannonfodder Posted July 27, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 27, 2023 A dog and a cat are having an argument over which species humans like most. The dog says "humans like us more, they even named a tooth canine after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows dogs are the favourite" The cat just smiles and says "you're really not going to win this one you know" Tackle, RostokMcSpoons, Shamal and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 28, 2023 Author Share Posted July 28, 2023 I was always very shy as a young man, so my friend advised carrying a pebble in my pocket and squeezing it whenever the shyness took me. Did it work you are wondering. Well I did feel a little boulder. 🤦 Smiling-Dutchman, Skullchewer and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted July 29, 2023 Share Posted July 29, 2023 I got sacked from my job at the bingo hall. Apparently "dinner for two with a hairy view" isn't the call for 69 Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet, Tackle and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Skullchewer Posted July 29, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 29, 2023 (edited) I launched a book aimed at 9 to 12 year olds. Managed to hit one of the little shits as well! Edited July 29, 2023 by Skullchewer Shamal, Tackle, Smiling-Dutchman and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 My family have all gone onto a fruit only diet. I'm fed up with it. The fridge and the cupboards are full of it. It's enough to make a mango crazy! Skullchewer, Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted August 1, 2023 Share Posted August 1, 2023 My friend Dave asked me if I could think of anything that could go wrong with a sentient spacecraft I said "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that." Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet and Jedi_Master 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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