Shamal Posted October 8, 2022 Author Share Posted October 8, 2022 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 I sprayed my van with some rust remover last night. I've now got a set of Ford Transit wheels for sale... Shamal and John_W 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 9, 2022 Author Share Posted October 9, 2022 My butcher’s so tall, no one can reach the meat on his shelves. The steaks have never been higher. Skullchewer and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 I keep having the same recurring dream. I keep dreaming that I'm a horse. It's been six nights on the trot now. Skullchewer and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 How do dragons blow out candles? John_W, Skullchewer and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 11, 2022 Author Share Posted October 11, 2022 I've decided to go on two diets. Let's face it there just isn't enough food in one.... Tactical Pith Helmet, Samurai and Skullchewer 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 12, 2022 Share Posted October 12, 2022 I'm going to be a minimalist. It's the least that I can do. Skullchewer and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 13, 2022 Share Posted October 13, 2022 The airline I went on holiday with misplaced my luggage, so I took them to court. Unfortunately I lost my case. Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 13, 2022 Share Posted October 13, 2022 I’ve come up with an idea for invisible aircraft, I approached the RAF with the idea but they said they couldn’t see it taking off Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 14, 2022 Author Share Posted October 14, 2022 There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say... should we get naked?" Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your porridge. Cannonfodder, Tackle, Skullchewer and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 14, 2022 Share Posted October 14, 2022 Reports just in of a man attacking people with a chickpea and garlic dip. Police are warning people that a houmousidal maniac is on the loose. Shamal and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 15, 2022 Author Share Posted October 15, 2022 I was climbing in the Himalayas a while back and was accosted by a Yeti, it forced me to do a thousand sit ups and a thousand stomach crunches. When I got back to base and told the Sherpa, he said “Ah yes, that’ll be the abdominal snowman Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 15, 2022 Share Posted October 15, 2022 My house is haunted by a chicken. Not sure if it's a poultryguist or some other fowl spirit, but I'm getting an eggsorcist in. Skullchewer and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 15, 2022 Author Share Posted October 15, 2022 38 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: My house is haunted by a chicken. Not sure if it's a poultryguist or some other fowl spirit, but I'm getting an eggsorcist in. 🤦 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 16, 2022 Author Share Posted October 16, 2022 The organs of the human body were debating as to who should be the boss. The brain said that as he did all the thinking and controlled every part of the body, he should be the boss. The heart said that as the body could not live without the blood circulation he provided, he should be the boss. The stomach said that he digested all the food and gave the body energy, so he should be the boss. All other organs made their cases similarly. Then the asshole applied for the post. The other organs laughed so loudly that the ass hole got angry and shut himself. Within a couple of days the stomach got sick, the brain went fuzzy, the heart developed palpitations and every other organ began shutting down. The organs learned their lesson. They all got together and elected the ass hole as boss. Moral of the story: You don’t need to be the brain or the brawn to be the boss, you only need to be an ass hole. Tactical Pith Helmet and concretesnail 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 'We'd like to stay in the bridal suite,' the honeymooners said at the reception desk. 'Do you have reservations?' asked the receptionist. 'Yes, I'm worried about taking it up the arse,' replied the bride. Shamal and Samurai 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 17, 2022 Author Share Posted October 17, 2022 They say that 50 is the new 30, but one traffic officer begged to differ and I ended up with 3 points on my driving licence ☹️ On 16/10/2022 at 20:32, Tactical Pith Helmet said: 'We'd like to stay in the bridal suite,' the honeymooners said at the reception desk. 'Do you have reservations?' asked the receptionist. 'Yes, I'm worried about taking it up the arse,' replied the bride. Well I think it's funny. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 I just got the sack as a set designer. I left without making a scene. Skullchewer and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 19, 2022 Author Share Posted October 19, 2022 I was queueing at the bus stop this morning and mentioned to a young girl, 'Chilly isn't it?" She replied 'Winter draws on' To which I said 'That is absolutely none of your business you cheeky girl!” Youth today, tsk Tactical Pith Helmet, Tackle and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 19, 2022 Share Posted October 19, 2022 'I told everyone that the Titanic would sink,' said Grandfather. 'I shouted it out loud, but no one listened.' 'I got chucked out of the cinema too...' Shamal, Cannonfodder and Skullchewer 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 20, 2022 Author Share Posted October 20, 2022 Aren’t animals amazing. I just passed the hospital and there was a sign saying ‘Guard dogs operate at this hospital Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 Speaking of animals, what's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is pretty heavy but the other is a little lighter. Tactical Pith Helmet and Tackle 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Tackle Posted October 20, 2022 Moderators Share Posted October 20, 2022 2 hours ago, Skullchewer said: Speaking of animals, what's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is pretty heavy but the other is a little lighter. LOL, it was funnier the first time we heard it, a couple of pages back😜 Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 Damnit! Fuck you and your functioning memory, Tackle! Shamal, Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 20, 2022 Author Share Posted October 20, 2022 6 hours ago, Tackle said: LOL, it was funnier the first time we heard it, a couple of pages back😜 That's true 🤣 Tactical Pith Helmet and Tackle 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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