Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 I've got some glove puppets going if anyone's interested. I don't want much for them. I just want them off my hands. AirSniper, Shamal, BigBell1987 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirSniper Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 Tactical Pith Helmet, Shamal, BigBell1987 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 24, 2022 Author Share Posted September 24, 2022 I rescued a kitten this morning while a man dressed head to toe in pancakes stood by and did nothing. Not all heroes wear crepes. Skullchewer and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 When I was just 16 my parents died and left me an orphan. It was devastating. I'd rather have had the house. Skullchewer, Shamal and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 26, 2022 Author Share Posted September 26, 2022 My tumble dryer door keeps popping open on its own.I'm getting fed up with it. If it does it again I'm throwing the towel in! Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 26, 2022 Share Posted September 26, 2022 Edward Snowden is celebrating being granted Russian citizenship today. He won't be when his call up papers arrive. Tackle, Shamal, Cannonfodder and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted September 27, 2022 Share Posted September 27, 2022 I've been gone so long I can't be arsed to scroll back and see if this gag has been told already.... I lent my girlfriend £100 A few years later we broke up She paid me back exactly £100 I lost interest in that relationship Cannonfodder, Tactical Pith Helmet, Samurai and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted September 28, 2022 Share Posted September 28, 2022 My four year old son has been learning Spanish and still can’t say the word for please, I think that’s very poor for four. Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet and RostokMcSpoons 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 28, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted September 28, 2022 A guy goes into a café near the Arctic Circle and asks a waiter what's on the menu. The waiter says: 'we have whale meat, whale meat and whale meat. And today's special is the Vera Lynn.' 'What's that?' asks the guy. 'Whale meat again,' says the waiter. Tackle, RostokMcSpoons, Cannonfodder and 2 others 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 29, 2022 Author Share Posted September 29, 2022 20 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: A guy goes into a café near the Arctic Circle and asks a waiter what's on the menu. The waiter says: 'we have whale meat, whale meat and whale meat. And today's special is the Vera Lynn.' 'What's that?' asks the guy. 'Whale meat again,' says the waiter. The old ones are the best 😂 She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!" Everyone in the pub stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations." To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean £200 for a blow job! Tactical Pith Helmet, Cannonfodder and Jedi_Master 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted September 29, 2022 Share Posted September 29, 2022 I used to go out with a foot fetishist. She really loved me; said I had a 'beautiful sole.' Skullchewer and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted September 30, 2022 Author Share Posted September 30, 2022 I was walking behind a lady last night.She began walking faster and faster so I did, she started running so I did she started screaming so I did. I don't know what we were running from but I was terrified. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 Me: Our kids were arrested for setting a car on fire. Wife: Arson?? Me: And our daughter too. Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 3, 2022 Author Share Posted October 3, 2022 I was at a climbing centre yesterday, but someone had removed all of the toe-hold grips from the wall. Honestly, you couldn't make it up. Skullchewer and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 I'm sure that my dad is looking down at us, wherever he is now. He's not dead, just very condescending. Shamal and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 How much does a rainbow weigh? Not a lot, they’re pretty light Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 Can't believe people are setting of fireworks already! It's so early! My cat was so scared it ran up the Christmas tree. Shamal, Jedi_Master and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 4, 2022 Author Share Posted October 4, 2022 A man was help in police custody yesterday for eating fireworks in public. Eventually they let him off. Another man, held for drinking battery acid, was charged. Skullchewer and Tactical Pith Helmet 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 Someone pushed in front of me in the queue! Look out my friend, I’m after you now! Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 Okay, not technically a joke, but something that happened at work... Guy brings his car in with a list of issues he'd like looking at. Amongst the issues: "Rear doors can't be opened from the inside". Guess what? Uh-huh. CHILD LOCK. Located on the driver door by the window controls. 🤦🏼 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 My friends into two distinct groups: cat people and dog people. I should probably stop taking so much LSD. Shamal and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 6, 2022 Author Share Posted October 6, 2022 Talking about car doors. My friend told me he has bought a car with no doors. How the fuck is he going to get in I thought!🤔 Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 6, 2022 Share Posted October 6, 2022 Prince Charles gets a crown next year. Shows how desperate dental care is when the next king has to wait that long. Skullchewer and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted October 7, 2022 Author Share Posted October 7, 2022 If you put a musician on a stage you will hear the sound echoing all around you. However, put a pigeon on a stage and you will hear nothing. The reason is a coo sticks! Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 19 hours ago, Shamal said: If you put a musician on a stage you will hear the sound echoing all around you. However, put a pigeon on a stage and you will hear nothing. The reason is a coo sticks! Jesus fucking wept! I can't believe I laughed at that. 🤣 Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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