Shamal Posted March 26, 2022 Author Share Posted March 26, 2022 I visited this old church the other day and noticed that the tombstones on the left were identical to the tombstones on the right. Then I realised these people were all buried in the middle of the symmetry. Regards Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 26, 2022 Share Posted March 26, 2022 How many alzheimers patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side! Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 27, 2022 Share Posted March 27, 2022 Just noticed two lumps on my car battery, so I have had them tested. Hope it's not terminal. Skullchewer, Tackle and Shamal 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted March 27, 2022 Share Posted March 27, 2022 Some bad news, I had to break up with the woman I was seeing. My feelings were unrequited. Great woman, very fit because she's a tennis player. But love means nothing to her. Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Shamal Posted March 27, 2022 Author Popular Post Share Posted March 27, 2022 Yeah so I had a day out in London yesterday. Used the underground.what a bloody performance that was! Big sign saying 'dogs must be carried on escalators'. Took me hour and a half to find a bloody dog!😉 Tactical Pith Helmet, Tackle, Cannonfodder and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 27, 2022 Share Posted March 27, 2022 My girlfriend's dog died, so I bought her another one that was exactly the same. You can't please her though. 'What the fuck am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?' She screamed. Shamal, Skullchewer and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 29, 2022 Author Share Posted March 29, 2022 I found that I’ve been much happier since I stopped drinking coffee in the morning and switched it to orange juice. My doctor says it is the vitamin C and the natural sugars, but personally I think it’s the vodka.🍹 Cannonfodder, Skullchewer, Sebza and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 29, 2022 Share Posted March 29, 2022 My lad came home from school with a bloody nose today. 'Where the hell did you get that from you fucking psychopath?' I asked him. Shamal, Skullchewer and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 29, 2022 Author Share Posted March 29, 2022 13 minutes ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: My lad came home from school with a bloody nose today. 'Where the hell did you get that from you fucking psychopath?' I asked him. 👍 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted March 30, 2022 Author Share Posted March 30, 2022 To get by in life I have found it vitally important to live by two unwritten rules, these are: 𝟙. 𝟚. 🤔 Regards Tackle, Tactical Pith Helmet and Sebza 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted March 31, 2022 Share Posted March 31, 2022 I just broke off my engagement to the local baker. Charming girl but far too kneady. Skullchewer and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Shamal Posted March 31, 2022 Author Popular Post Share Posted March 31, 2022 So in awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought.… I must put a roof on this toilet 🤔🤭 SBoardley, Skullchewer, Tackle and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonofsammo Posted April 1, 2022 Share Posted April 1, 2022 (edited) How many stupid people does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to stand on the stool and hold the bulb, the other four to turn the stool round. I went to give blood the other day. I'm not fricking doing it again. Just too many questions. Where did you get it from? Whose is it? Why is it in a bucket? Edited April 1, 2022 by sonofsammo Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet, Tackle and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Tackle Posted April 1, 2022 Moderators Share Posted April 1, 2022 21 hours ago, Shamal said: So in awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought.… I must put a roof on this toilet 🤔🤭 LOL, I thought something similar one night back in '87, woke up looking at the stars😳. True story🤣 Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted April 1, 2022 Author Share Posted April 1, 2022 19 minutes ago, Tackle said: LOL, I thought something similar one night back in '87, woke up looking at the stars😳. True story🤣 Aah stop it you old romantic you.lol Was that the summer of 87 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Tackle Posted April 1, 2022 Moderators Share Posted April 1, 2022 7 minutes ago, Shamal said: Aah stop it you old romantic you.lol Was that the summer of 87 LOL, no, October, the "great storm", fuck all great about it though 🤕 Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted April 1, 2022 Author Share Posted April 1, 2022 1 hour ago, sonofsammo said: How many stupid people does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to stand on the stool and hold the bulb, the other four to turn the stool round. I went to give blood the other day. I'm not fricking doing it again. Just too many questions. Where did you get it from? Whose is it? Why is it in a bucket? I think I posted the second gag a year ago. Still funny though 🤣 1 minute ago, Tackle said: LOL, no, October, the "great storm", fuck all great about it though 🤕 Haha. Sounds like a story behind that 🤣 Tackle 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skullchewer Posted April 1, 2022 Share Posted April 1, 2022 How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'd rather sit in the dark. I was walking home with my wife when we saw my mother in law being attacked by 6 men. "Aren't you going to help?!" asked my concerned wife. "Six ought to be enough" I replied. Shamal, Rogerborg and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted April 1, 2022 Author Share Posted April 1, 2022 I changed a light bulb on my own yesterday it was easy. I kept the receipt so no problem...🤭 Skullchewer and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted April 1, 2022 Share Posted April 1, 2022 How many psychoanalytic therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two: one to enthusiastically screw the bulb, one to firmly grasp the penis, sorry, I meant ladder.... Skullchewer and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonofsammo Posted April 2, 2022 Share Posted April 2, 2022 16 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: How many psychoanalytic therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two: one to enthusiastically screw the bulb, one to firmly grasp the penis, sorry, I meant ladder.... How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb. One, but the lightbulb has to really want to change... Shamal, Tactical Pith Helmet, Skullchewer and 1 other 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 What do psychoanalysts wear around the house? Freudian slippers... Rogerborg, sonofsammo, Shamal and 1 other 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted April 3, 2022 Author Share Posted April 3, 2022 This is really what the mind is all about. How we process information. What goes up down but not down up? All the relevant information is there.🤔 Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonofsammo Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 How many cognitive behavioural therapy practitioners does it take to change a lightbulb? Somewhere between 1 and 10. Tactical Pith Helmet and Skullchewer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 5 hours ago, Shamal said: This is really what the mind is all about. How we process information. What goes up down but not down up? All the relevant information is there.🤔 Regards A Freudian slip is actually when you say one thing, but mean your mother. sonofsammo, Floperator, Tackle and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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