Tactical Pith Helmet Posted November 18, 2023 Share Posted November 18, 2023 (edited) Life's like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people. Edited November 18, 2023 by Tactical Pith Helmet Shamal, Tackle and Cannonfodder 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supporters Tackle Posted November 19, 2023 Supporters Share Posted November 19, 2023 4 hours ago, Tactical Pith Helmet said: Life's like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people. You could have broken that to me a bit easier 🐷 gavinkempsell, Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted November 19, 2023 Author Share Posted November 19, 2023 I’ve bought a beehive, 5 chickens and a cockerel..... That way I can get my honey for nothing and my chicks for free. Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted November 22, 2023 Share Posted November 22, 2023 My wife is fed up of my wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "What can I do to stop?" "Whatever means necessary," she replied. "No it doesn't," I said. Cannonfodder, Shamal, Jedi_Master and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted November 22, 2023 Author Share Posted November 22, 2023 My mother’s sisters often stay up all night and light candles in support of social causes. My siblings consider them vigil aunties. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted November 24, 2023 Share Posted November 24, 2023 My first job was as a mannequin in a shop window. I held the position for quite some time. gavinkempsell and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted November 24, 2023 Author Share Posted November 24, 2023 I broke down between the marina and the Hallmark store. Now... I’m stuck between a dock and a card place Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted November 25, 2023 Share Posted November 25, 2023 I got caught selling drugs at work. The boss said, "I'll deal with you in my office." Sold him an ounce. Cannonfodder and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted November 26, 2023 Share Posted November 26, 2023 Shamal, Cannonfodder and Tackle 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted November 26, 2023 Author Share Posted November 26, 2023 I hear that killer whales have been attacking yachts off Portugal. Some scientists have said these attacks are random..I say they are orcastrated. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted November 27, 2023 Author Share Posted November 27, 2023 For sale.. 90's iconic Sooty and Sweep puppets. Any offer accepted. Just want them off my hands. Tackle and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted November 28, 2023 Share Posted November 28, 2023 My Uncle David has moved to Moss Side. It's not as rough or deprived as people say apparently. He quickly found a job. He's rear gunner on the number six bus. Shamal, Tackle and Cannonfodder 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted November 29, 2023 Author Share Posted November 29, 2023 A massive congratulations to Hugh Zapritti Boyden for being voted chairman of the budgerigar appreciation society. Tactical Pith Helmet and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavinkempsell Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 Not gonna lie... that took me a couple of reads. Tactical Pith Helmet and Shamal 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 1, 2023 Share Posted December 1, 2023 Sad news. From Shane MacGowen to Shane MacGone... Cannonfodder, Tackle and Shamal 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cannonfodder Posted December 2, 2023 Share Posted December 2, 2023 The older I get the more I regret all the people I've lost over the years Maybe being a trail guide wasn't such a great idea after all Shamal and Tactical Pith Helmet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 3, 2023 Share Posted December 3, 2023 My wife asked me to clear the dining table tonight. I managed it but I needed a damn good run up. Shamal and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 3, 2023 Author Share Posted December 3, 2023 Sad to hear that Pins & Needles magazine has folded due to poor circulation. Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 The CEO of ACME ladders is retiring. He's stepping down next month. Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 5, 2023 Author Share Posted December 5, 2023 Crikey is the ACME manufacturing co still going? I though they had folded when they lost Wile E.Coyote and Bugs Bunnys' business.😉 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 7, 2023 Author Share Posted December 7, 2023 (edited) A sister and her little brother are attending the first day of primary school in a one-room country school. The teacher is having all the students stand and give their names. When it’s the sister’s turn, she stands and says, “My name is Snotty Jones.” “No,” says the teacher. “I don’t want you to give us your nickname, I want your real given name.” “But, teacher,” says the girl, “That IS my real name! Everybody has called me that for my whole life!” “Well, that’s just not possible, and if you don’t know what the name on your birth certificate is, I’m going to have to send you home to get it.” “Okay, I guess that’s what I have to do,” the girl says and gathers her belongings. As she walks by her little brother’s desk, she says, “C’mon, Shitty, she’s not going to believe you, either" Edited December 7, 2023 by Shamal Alteration Cannonfodder 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 7, 2023 Share Posted December 7, 2023 What do you call a hippo with one leg? A hoppo... Shamal 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 8, 2023 Author Share Posted December 8, 2023 Someone has opened the Christmas crackers early..... Lol Tactical Pith Helmet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamal Posted December 10, 2023 Author Share Posted December 10, 2023 A Russian agent arrives at a small Welsh station and asks for Mr Jones. “Well,” says the stationmaster, “there’s Jones the Milk, Jones the Meat, Jones the Flowers, Jones the Undertaker. In fact, my name’s Jones.” The agent whispers to him, “The eagle doesn’t walk over the mountain.” “Ah,” says the stationmaster, “you want Jones the Spy.” Tactical Pith Helmet and Jedi_Master 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tactical Pith Helmet Posted December 11, 2023 Share Posted December 11, 2023 Just fell off a ladder getting some of my Hitchcock collection down. Managed to grab a DVD though. Think I got Vertigo. Shamal and Cannonfodder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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