Tell Us a Gag. Please!

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

The Metropolitan Police have identified over two hundred hardened Albanian criminals living in London.  Many have committed terrible crimes.

A spokesman said that having discovered them, they planned to start recruiting them from next week.

 

[DaktariT]

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

 

[Shamal]

The Metropolitan Police have identified over two hundred hardened Albanian criminals living in London.  Many have committed terrible crimes.

A spokesman said that having discovered them, they planned to start recruiting them from next week.

Nice ?

 

[Shamal]

Wanted: someone to brush their teeth with me, because 9/10 dentists say brushing alone won't help tooth decay.
No weirdos

 

[Cannonfodder]

No weirdos

Well that's 99% of people here off the list

 

[Shamal]

Well that's 99% of people here off the list

Ain't that the truth ?

 

[The Waco Kid]

Wifle - a spouse with a hair trigger, best engaged from hard cover. 

 

[Shamal]

Wifle - a spouse with a hair trigger, best engaged from hard cover. 

I've got one! Lol

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Just watched the film 'Aluminium Man.'  It's a bit like Iron Man.  He foils all of the baddies plans.  

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Just went into the kitchen.  The bread was reading John-Paul Satre, the beans were discussing ontology with the spuds.  The pasta was reciting Mallarme poems.

I think they're all complex carbs.  

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

We had random drug testing at work today. 

I liked the LSD best.  

 

[Shamal]

Something has been playing on my mind recently.

When I opened a can of evaporated milk it was still all there so I opened a can of condensed milk but it was the same size as the can?

I'm not trying to milk this btw.

 

[Skullchewer]

We had random drug testing at work today. 

I liked the LSD best.  

Giggled far too much at this.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I had a happy childhood. 

My dad used to put me in a stack of tyres and roll me down a hill. 

They were Goodyears.  

 

[Shamal]

I had a happy childhood. 

My dad used to put me in a stack of tyres and roll me down a hill. 

They were Goodyears.  

?

I had my leg X-rayed yesterday the doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'.
I said: 'Inch-high knees?'

He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I'm certain someone's tampering with my anti-paranoia medication.

 

[Shamal]

I thought I’d do something different today.

So I bought an alcoholic ginger beer.

He was not pleased

 

[Skullchewer]

Breaking news!
Man shot 200 times with an upholstery gun.
Surgeons say he's fully recovered.

 

[Cannonfodder]

My son says he wants a cat for Christmas.

Normally I do turkey but if it makes him happy I'll give it a go 

 

[Shamal]

My son says he wants a cat for Christmas.

Normally I do turkey but if it makes him happy I'll give it a go 

Like it.