Tell Us a Gag. Please!

[Rickwales]

Duck walks into a bar, goes over to the counter and asks the barman "have you got any bread?" 

The barman says "no"

The duck says "have you got any bread?" 

The barman says "no"

The duck says "have you got any bread?

The duck says again "have you got any bread?"

The barman angrily replies        "look mate I told you we haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar"

The duck says have you got any nails?" 

The barman says "no"

The duck says, "have you got any bread?"

 

[Tackle]

Duck walks into a bar, goes over to the counter and asks the barman "have you got any bread?" 

The barman says "no"

The duck says "have you got any bread?" 

The barman says "no"

The duck says "have you got any bread?

The duck says again "have you got any bread?"

The barman angrily replies        "look mate I told you we haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again I'm gonna nail your beak to the bar"

The duck says have you got any nails?" 

The barman says "no"

The duck says, "have you got any bread?"

The old ones are the best

 

[Rickwales]

I have a lot sicker ones... 

 

[Dogsbody100]

Bloke goes into a pub with a pie on his head. 

The barmans curiosity gets the better of him and he asks “ere mate, do you know you’ve got a pie on your head?”

”Yeah, course I do, I always go to the pub on a Tuesday with a pie on me head”

”Oh” says the barman, “you know it’s Thursday don’t you mate?” 
 

“What?!” Says the bloke “you’re joking! I must be looking a right twat” 

 

[Cannonfodder]

The first condom was invented in Cardiff in 1859 and was made from sheep intestines.

They didn't become popular though for another 4 years after an Englishman decided to take the intestines out of the sheep