Tell Us a Gag. Please!

[Shamal]

It turns out that 60's rocker Steppenwolf was an assumed name.

He was born Toby Wild.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Played a group of lads from the local quarry at football today. 

We beat them on aggregate. 

 

[Cannonfodder]

A recent study has revealed the most common sexual position for married couples is doggy style 

He'll sit up and beg while she'll roll over and play dead

 

[SBoardley]

A recent study has revealed the most common sexual position for married couples is doggy style 

He'll sit up and beg while she'll roll over and play dead

2nd

 

[Shamal]

I'm making a lemon meringue pie for Mrs shamal.

The recipe says to separate two eggs.

I've put one in the shed and the other out by the front gate. Do you think that's enough? Oh and how long should they stay apart? ?

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Broken quiz machine for sale.

No questions asked...

 

[Shamal]

I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horse shoes, 4 leaf clovers and rabbits feet.
I thought, "wow, he's pushing his luck"

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Damn hard to concentrate on writing a text message when these cyclists keep bouncing off the windscreen...   

 

[Shamal]

I've found that nowadays most people don't like holding hands in public.
Especially if you don't know them.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I used to see a girl called Barb Dwyer.

We never really got that close.   

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Told a joke on Zoom and noone laughed.

It wasn't remotely funny.  

 

[Shamal]

Local cartoonist has been burgled 

Details are sketchy... 

Police have not been able to draw any conclusions.

 

[Enid_Puceflange]

What’s the difference between a Chick Pea and a Lentil?

I wouldn’t pay £50 for a Lentil on my chest!!

?

 

[Shamal]

An elaborate ceremony like the coronation of Charles and Camilla takes months of careful planning - it's not just throne  together.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

There's a monkey who works in our local chip shop. 

Apparently he's a frymate.  

 

[Shamal]

My first flat was so close to Heathrow airport, that every time I went to the kitchen to make a sandwich, a stewardess told me to get back to my seat.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

People applauded when they witnessed a dwarf abseiling down a prison wall.

I saw it as a little condescending.

 

[Cannonfodder]

Why did REM split up? 

The rest of the band weren't Michael's type

 

[Shamal]

Im feeling a bit poorly. Worried I could have Wheels disease.
I heard the people on the bus saying it’s going round and round

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I see that Germany is sending tanks to Ukraine.  

Apparently they'll be going via Poland for old times sake.