F**k that’s a ruff one to deal with my friend .
off on a tangent(well this is AFUK after all !?) back in the days of only 3 tv channels my brother thought it was a good idea to screw a brass dart on to the end of the length of bamboo he was using as an arrow and shoot it at me , it just missed my eye and hit me in the eyebrow where it stuck , the reason I realised it had stuck was as I came too laying on the floor all I could see through the scarlet haze of my vision was pink clouds and a bamboo stick standing straight up in the air ! As I sat up the vertical stick became a horizontal stick(which due to its weight made it hurt like fuck !) and my brother giving it legs in to the distance ! SO I made my way home grizzling like a good un slug trails running down my face mingling with blood and snott bubbles appearing from my nostrils(never at the same time always alternating nostrils never did figure out how that happens , just another one of life’s great mysteries I suppose ?) any hoo get home stagger up to the front door knock on it( not an easy task when you’ve a 2ft bamboo sticking out of ya noggin !) mum answers it sees me let’s out a blood curdling scream at the sight of me which wakes my dad up who was sleeping in his chair after a hard days work spoiling squaddies days(he was military police?) he gets up stretches , burps , farts scratches his arse walks up to me say “ooohh that looks nasty who did it too you ?” As he places his hand on my forehead and yanks it out whilst also saying to my mum “stick a plaster on it he’ll be fine !” I tell him my brother did it . Several hrs later as it’s starting to get dark I see him sulking down the back party to the house so I rush over to dad saying “Garry’s coming in through the the back door !” He gets up and just stands behind the door with the bamboo in his hand , my brother slowly enters the room looking around to see where my dad is and instantly assumes the feral position on the sofa and my dad proceeded to deliver what I thought was one of the classic beating of the 70’s with the bamboo and me standing next to him going going “hit him harder dad , hit him harder !” Years later much to my horror I discovered dad wasn’t actually hitting him but neither me(on my vengeance high) nor my brother(in the grip of abject fear)realised he was actually hitting the sofa not Garry ! Talk about having justice stolen from you ! I tell you I was feeling like Gerard Butler in ‘law abiding citizen’ I felt so wronged by it !?
