I think we've all got a bit of that, the nature of airsoft, once it gets in your blood lol.
Mate, we sound like twins, except I'm not lucky enough to work in a chippy, that would probably finish me off.
re mental health, I've struggled also, depression & cumulative ptsd, & sometimes as daft as it sounds, when I'm looking forward to a long awaited game, the actual prep of ensuring everything is ready & nothing is forgotten is a total pain, often meant I ended up taking waaay tooo much kit, almost to combat any anxieties.
simple answer I've found is to go minimal, literally the bare essentials, screw geardo precise loadouts, screw plate carriers etc, I go with a molle satchel bag or a molle bandolier (already loaded with 3 hicaps & a bottle of water, & spare safety goggles) literally walk on to site in whatever clothing is comfortable, leave a small case with a spare age & reload kit in the safe zone, throw it over your shoulder & start playing, it's literally like a breath of fresh air, less issues with fitness & I actually find I'm now playing better & not feeling "pressure".
does that make any sense ?