Tell Us a Gag. Please!

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

'There's someone for everyone,' my mother always said patting my head.

'Yours is a psychiatrist.'

 

[Cannonfodder]

Just got back from the opticians and it turns out I'm colour blind.

That news came right out of the purple

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship, but I bottled it.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

One of them Is an Australian mammal. The other is a Geordie stuck in a lift.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I got a massive erection today during a routine prostate examination. I tried to hide it but it was pretty obvious, so I tried to laugh it of instead.


Anyway, long story short, I'm no longer working as a GP.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

It’s a 4 minute walk from my house to the bar.

It’s a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house. The difference is staggering!

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

My dentist has been struck off the medical register for dealing in drugs!

Fuck me, I've been using him for the last sixteen years and never knew he was a dentist!

 

[Cannonfodder]

Say what you like about getting old, but it does make multitasking easier


I can sneeze, piss and shit myself all at the same time