Tell Us a Gag. Please!

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I saw a sleepwalking nun last night.

'Must be a roamin’ Catholic,' I thought.

 

[Shamal]

A pair of Peruvian owls have been introduced at Marwell zoo.  They had to have two of them due to them hunting in pairs, that’s because they’re Inca hoots.??

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

She opened the door in her nighty. 

That's an odd place for a door I thought.   

 

[Shamal]

She opened the door in her nighty. 

That's an odd place for a door I thought.   

Haha drum roll.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Spending my entire weekend bobsleighing.

I can't tell you how much I hate people called Bob.   

 

[BigBell1987]

Spending my entire weekend bobsleighing.

I can't tell you how much I hate people called Bob.   

Reminds me of the dude in the sea with no arms and legs, I imagine it may be you who put him in that predicament.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One's really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

[Shamal]

Did you know, if you have a sore back and you rub some olive oil and a bit of sea salt into it, it will feel instantly greasier and grittier!

 

[AirSniper]

View attachment 95923

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

 I never wanted a beard.

But then it grew on me.

 

[Shamal]

I went to see the doctor and he told me he was sending me to see a cardiologist.
But I don't think there's anything wrong with the one I was wearing.

 

[Cannonfodder]

The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings

Still not as sensitive as an airsofter on social media 

 

[Shamal]

If there are that many how come I can't even find one ?

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

We don't know how the present generation will present our age in years to come as history.

We can be pretty certain that it will have appalling spelling though. 

 

[Shamal]

Working in the local Glue Factory, I’ve noticed they are very strict,  they have very specific rules you have to adhere to.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Saw two peanuts walking down the street today.

One was a salted.

 

[Shamal]

Saw two peanuts walking down the street today.

One was a salted.

?

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

?

You don't know how deep the bottom of this barrel is...

Mwahahaha!

 

[Shamal]

So happy, my oldest pig wasn’t in good health but a bloke at the farmers market said if I come back in 28 days he’ll be cured.??

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

A man walks into a bar and asks the barman, "Can I have a pint please, but not Stella. I had ten pints of it last night and ended up fucking skint.

The barman says, "But it's only £3 a pint." 

The man replies, "I know. Skint's my dog!"