Tell Us a Gag. Please!

Allotment mystery. Over the last three weeks, I’ve discovered someone has been dumping soil on my allotment.  I have tried to catch who’s doing it, but have had no joy.

The plot thickens.

 
Dress code. I was called into my manager’s office over the weekend because of my dress code.
He told me that I wasn’t allowed to wear pyjamas for work.
So I replied “everyone else does”
To which he replied “that’s because they are patients".

 
‪When I asked what body wash they prefer to use in the shower, 8 out of 10 women said: "How the hell did you get in here!"

 
Did you get the know that there's no Canaries on the Canary Islands? 

Its the same as the Virgin Isles,  not a single Canary there either 

 
Cloning machine. To whoever stole my cloning machine, I hope you are pleased with yourself.

 
The lad came home from school with two armchairs and a sofa.

I clipped him round the ear for taking suites from a stranger.

 
Well my boy got sent home from school yesterday because the boy sitting next to him was smoking.

I was straight up the school to confront the teacher. 

He said "To be fair,it was your son that set him alight" doh!!

 
'The parking costs too much...'

'This coffee costs too much...'

'This sandwich costs too much...'

FFS, if they don't like it they should visit another grandparent!  

 
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